CHAPTER FIVE
LIBERTY couldn’t honestly have said that the next three weeks weren’t the best of her life because they were.
She and Carter saw each other every single evening and the odd lunchtime too, until Liberty found herself wondering what she’d done with her time before Carter filled it to the hilt. But life before him was now just a vague memory.
He took her out to the theatre, the cinema, art galleries and restaurants, but they also went for long walks when they talked and laughed and discussed everything under the sun. Almost. If the subject turned to her mother Liberty wouldn’t be drawn. The things he’d said before still burnt in her mind.
She cooked dinner for Carter a couple of times in her little home, and they dined with Jennifer at Carter’s palatial establishment too. The more Liberty got to know Carter’s sister the more she liked her, and when the other woman asked Liberty to meet her one lunchtime to go and look at a flat that Jennifer was interested in, Liberty agreed at once.
‘It’s no good asking Carter,’ Jennifer said, wrinkling her nose as she was apt to do when making a point. ‘His taste is so not mine it isn’t true. His ideal place would be bare rooms with everything appearing out of the floor and walls when he pressed a button. Sterile, controlled and empty.’
‘A slight exaggeration,’ Carter drawled lazily, ‘but once you find somewhere that suits I’ll send Peter to have a look at it before you go any further.’
‘Carter’s surveyor friend,’ Jennifer explained in an aside to Liberty as she helped herself to another helping of cheesecake. ‘Carter has a contact for absolutely every eventuality, don’t you, Carter? Bit frightening when you think about it.’
Carter surveyed his sister over the top of his wineglass. ‘I like to keep my finger on the pulse,’ he said mildly.
The two women went to look at the two-bedroom, first-floor apartment in Knightsbridge the next day. It was bright and warm with magnificent views over the communal gardens, and as it was set in an attractive purpose-built block the security was good. There was something institutional about it, however.
After Jennifer had told the estate agent she would let him know whether she was going to put in an offer by the next morning, she treated Liberty to lunch at a little bistro. Once they had ordered, Carter’s sister leant forward, her elbows on the table, and said, ‘He’s mad about you. You know that, don’t you? Absolutely mad. I’ve never seen him like this before.’
Liberty had got used to Jennifer’s frankness over the last weeks but even so she was a little taken aback. She didn’t prevaricate, however, merely smiling as she said, ‘I like him too,’ hoping that would end the conversation.
Jennifer’s blue eyes closed momentarily. ‘Liberty, you like a film or a book or chocolate cake,’ she said exasperatedly. ‘Or me, come to that.’
Liberty wasn’t quite sure about that right at this moment.
‘But you don’t like a man like Carter. That’s too—’ she searched for the right word ‘—too weak a word. You either adore him or loathe him, he’s that sort of guy.’
Liberty took a sip of her mineral water. She had an important case on that afternoon and needed a clear head so had refused to accompany Jennifer in a glass of wine. ‘I’m seeing him so I don’t loathe him,’ she said coolly, not liking the way the conversation was going. ‘Okay?’
‘Oh, don’t freeze me out.’ In her spontaneous way, Jennifer reached across and squeezed Liberty’s arm. ‘I’m only saying this for your own good. If you do feel something special for him, for goodness’ sake let him know, that’s all. Learn by my mistake.’
‘Your mistake?’ Liberty asked carefully.
‘With Adam.’ Jennifer relaxed back in her seat, frowning slightly. ‘I always thought we’d be together when I was younger and I know he liked me then. But I went away to university and he didn’t bother to come and see me or write or anything. I felt he was…sort of ignoring me, I suppose.’
‘Wasn’t he doing a course himself and working at night to pay for it?’ Carter had related this bit so she knew it was true. Adam had nearly driven himself into the ground at the time.
Jennifer nodded, her mouth turning down at the edges. ‘I didn’t really take that into account, I guess. I know that now, but I was younger then and…Oh, I don’t know. Anyway, I thought I’d try and make him jealous so he’d buck up his ideas.’
‘But it didn’t work?’ She didn’t reveal that she knew it hadn’t.
Jennifer shook her head dolefully. ‘He went out with other girls and things got all strained and horrible. He didn’t want to know any more.’
‘I’m sure that’s not true. He was probably feeling hurt.’
‘Even on the morning I was getting married I thought of him.’ Jennifer looked across the table, her eyes bleak. ‘But then there was this other guy who thought I was all his Christmases rolled up in one—or so I thought at the time,’ she added with a touch of bitterness. ‘Anyway, that’s all history.’ She straightened. ‘What I’m saying is, if I’d said something to Adam at least I’d have known one way or the other how he felt. Now I’ll always wonder but it’s too late. I just wouldn’t want the same thing to happen to you. Especially not with my own brother. I do care about him, you know.’
‘But that’s just it, Jen,’ Liberty said gently. ‘He is your brother, which colours how you see things. But I’ll bear in mind what you’ve said, I promise.’
‘You will be coming to Mum and Dad’s party, won’t you?’ Jennifer did the wrinkling of the nose thing. ‘Adam’s bound to turn up with one of his model type girlfriends and it’d just be nice to have someone in my corner. I’ve never discussed this with Carter, him being Adam’s best friend, but I think he’d feel I got exactly what I deserve.’
‘Course he wouldn’t.’ Liberty thought it prudent not to mention Carter was fully aware of the situation.
‘But you will come?’ Jennifer persisted. ‘Please, Libby.’
Liberty nodded. She didn’t want to go and it was only in this moment that she admitted she had been going to pull out at the last minute and use work as an excuse. The party was being held in a hotel close to Carter’s parents’ home, which would necessitate an overnight stay, but it wasn’t that which was causing her to feel apprehensive. The thought of meeting his parents, of being there with all his relations and so on was overwhelming. She didn’t want to see him as dutiful son and nephew and what have you; it was too cosy, too tempting. She needed to keep him in the little box in her head labelled Man about town and ladies’ man. Then she could cope.
Once back at work she sat at her desk, staring at the papers in front of her without really seeing them. The conversation at lunch had bothered her more than she liked, she admitted silently, and the very thing she should be pleased about—that Carter hadn’t put a foot wrong over the last little while—was niggling at her incessantly.
She wanted to find some things about him she didn’t like. She sighed irritably. If he had made it obvious he wanted her in bed or else their relationship was over, if he’d been pushy or awkward or difficult it would be easier to keep him at arm’s length, at least in her head where it mattered. But he had been—perfect was the word which came to mind but she changed it to—great. Much, much too great, in fact.
Was she in love with him? The question which had been hammering at her mind since the conversation with Jennifer wouldn’t be ignored any longer. She raised bleak eyes. No, she was not. She would not let herself be. To fall for a man like Carter, a self-confessed love-em and leave-em type, would be the height of stupidity. And she wasn’t stupid. Far from it. They’d had fun, admittedly, but that was all it was.
Her chin rose aggressively. This Saturday it was the party—three days away—and she would keep her promise to Jennifer and be there. But once she was home again she would put a brake on this crazy relationship. If she was truthful she knew there had been several times lately when it had been Carter who had called a halt to their lovemaking before things went too far—not her. She frowned. He was just too good at it, that was the trouble. Too experienced, too knowledgeable about which buttons to press at any given moment.
But it wasn’t just that. Her gaze fell to the papers again and she knew she should get working on them, but still her mind chugged remorselessly on.
It was getting—no, it had got—so that she needed Carter in her life. She took a hard pull of air, brushing back her hair with a shaky hand. And she didn’t want to need anyone. It wasn’t what she had planned for her life. The turbulence of her mother’s relationships over the years had both saddened and faintly disgusted her—so many complicated threads, so much disappointment, betrayal and cruelty. Her work she understood. Her home was under her control. No nasty surprises. No cringe-inducing scenes. No embarrassment and shame.
Whatever she wanted in life she would get for herself, unlike her mother. She didn’t want to play the games men and women played where only one could win and the loser was in danger of losing even their self-respect. Nothing, and no one, was worth that.
‘I’m sorry to bother you, Miss Fox, but Mr Cassell wondered if he might have a word before the meeting.’
Her secretary’s voice was quiet and respectful as it came through on the intercom between the main office and her own small one. Only the senior partners had their secretaries ensconced in splendid isolation in adjoining rooms.
‘Now?’ Liberty asked evenly.
‘Yes, Miss Fox. I understand he’s waiting for you.’
‘I’ll be there directly.’ Now this she understood. The ground rules and the hierarchy, the system in which status and authority ranked, was all perfectly clear here. No confusion or doubt, no nail-biting post mortems or breathless questioning of her own self.
She sat for a moment more, her face pale and her hands joined together as her fingers worked at each other. But then she rose to her feet, wiping her face clear of all expression as she gathered together the papers in front of her preparatory to walking through to Mr Cassell’s office.
She would make it clear to Carter that their brief liaison was over right after the party, and she would cancel their dinner engagement tonight, saying she had to work late. And she should work late if it came to that. She had been neglecting things the last two or three weeks and one didn’t aspire to senior management doing that.
Her throat muscles began to contract but she swallowed hard, refusing to acknowledge any distress. It was over, but in a way it had never begun.

Carter stared at the telephone and uttered an expletive with such force it seemed to echo round the confines of his study. She had to work. Twice running. Who was kidding who here? Last night he could buy the tale of an urgent case even though he had thought she seemed odd, remote, but tonight he knew he hadn’t been imagining the coolness in her voice. Did she still intend to travel to the coast with him tomorrow? She had said so but, as things were going, who knew?
He rose to his feet, striding across to the study window and glaring out into the darkness beyond. He’d booked a table at Adam’s place for eight; he had better ring and say it wasn’t needed.
His hands were halfway through dialling the number when he replaced the telephone. Damn it, he was hungry. He couldn’t force Liberty to accompany him but there was no reason he couldn’t go himself. He was blowed if he was going to sit at home twiddling his thumbs while his stomach rolled.
An hour later he left the house and drove far too fast to the restaurant, earning himself a flash from one of the speed cameras en route, which didn’t improve his disposition. Adam appeared from the kitchens a minute or so after he had grimly informed the waiter that he was dining alone, and Carter watched his friend seat himself in the vacant chair opposite him. ‘Problem?’ Adam enquired mildly.
Carter shrugged. ‘She’s working late.’
‘And?’
‘And nothing. She’s working late.’
‘Okay, okay, don’t bite my head off.’
Carter glanced at this friend who was the brother he’d never had. ‘Shouldn’t you be in the kitchens doing whatever it is that you do?’ he asked ungraciously.
Adam stretched out his long legs and smiled. ‘I’ve taken on a new chef,’ he said *******edly, ‘now the business can afford it. Takes the pressure off me a bit and means I can enjoy the odd weekend away, like this weekend, for instance. Thought I’d stay over Saturday night. What do you think?’
‘Right,’ said Carter.
‘Hey, cut the enthusiasm, it’s overwhelming.’
‘You taking my order?’ Carter asked grimly.
‘Sure.’ Adam rose to his feet. ‘The usual?’
‘No.’ Carter glared at him. ‘I’ll have mange-tout and spring onion with serrano ham followed by cod with lemon and herbed potatoes.’
Adam stared at him. ‘You don’t like cod. You always say it’s not fishy enough.’ As black brows beetled together, Adam said hastily, ‘Okay, cod it is,’ and disappeared into the back.
Maybe it was just as well Liberty was bowing out, if that was what she was doing, Carter told himself morosely. She spelt danger. He had known it four weeks ago when he had first set eyes on her; he just hadn’t admitted it to himself then. He wanted her as he’d never wanted a woman and he hadn’t had a decent night’s sleep since he’d met her.
Damn it, she had turned his world upside down and no one did that, not to him. Was he going crazy? Yeah, he answered himself. Crazy with lust. That was all it was—good old-fashioned animal lust.
Then why, the voice outside himself asked, haven’t you bedded her and be done with it? You could have, you know you could have. She’s been putty in your hands more than once.
Because it wasn’t like that, she wasn’t like that. If he’d just wanted sexual intimacy, any one of a number of women he knew would do, but with Liberty…He raked his hand through his hair, groaning silently as he tried to feel his way through a whole host of emotions he hadn’t wanted to face for days. With Liberty he wanted more. After all his macho words, he wanted more. Real intimacy. Physical, mental and emotional. The sort of intimacy his parents had. The sort that lasted a lifetime.
His grim face persuaded the waiter to put his mange-tout and spring onion with serrano ham in front of the customer without a word and make a hasty retreat.
He had thought they were doing fine. Making real progress. So what had happened? Why had she gone cold on him?
He munched his way through his first and second course and the excellent caramelised spiced apples with rosemary which followed without tasting much of anything, but by the time Adam judged it safe to come out again and sit down at the table Carter had come to a decision. He glared at Adam.
‘I’m not going to roll over and play dead,’ he announced grimly. ‘I’m damned if I will.’
‘You’re not?’ Adam glanced at the bottle on the table but as far as he could see it was only sparkling mineral water.
‘And I’m blowed if I’m going to let her ruin something which has the potential to get better and better. I don’t care what this mother of hers has got up to but she has to see she’s different. We’re different.’
‘Quite so.’ Adam nodded encouragingly; it seemed safer.
‘If she wants a fight, I’ll give her a fight, but there will be two winners.’
Adam had given up. ‘Isn’t there always?’
‘So you agree with me?’
‘Totally.’
‘Male logic, you see.’ Carter nodded to himself. ‘Apply a bit of male logic and it’s sorted.’ He stood up, pressing some notes into Adam’s hand as he said, ‘Great meal and thanks for the chat.’
‘Think nothing of it.’
Adam was still standing staring after him a full minute after Carter had left.
CHAPTER SIX
LIBERTY hadn’t known quite how Carter would be when he arrived to pick her up after work on Friday evening. She wasn’t looking forward to the drive to Great Yarmouth where his parents lived, but had taken comfort in the fact that Jennifer would be in the car too. It had been arranged that the three of them would meet Carter’s parents for an evening meal at the hotel where the party was being held the next day, and Carter had wanted to arrive with enough time for the three of them to freshen up and change before his parents arrived.
Liberty had left work early so she would be ready when Carter arrived just before five o’clock, and when she heard the doorbell ring she had to take several deep breaths to calm her racing pulse. It didn’t work.
‘Hi, stranger.’ As she opened the door he moved past her without waiting for an invitation, turning to face her once he was in the sitting room and taking her into his arms before she could object. He kissed her long and hard and she found herself responding to the hunger with a yearning which was all at odds with what she had decided. After a while Carter lifted his head, putting her away from him a little as he said, ‘Boy, I needed that. I haven’t had a fix for three days, after all. How’s the workload?’ he asked casually. ‘Better?’
She stared at his smiling face, her legs trembling a little and feeling as though the strength had drained from her body. She had thought he might be aloof, cool, even angry, but he was behaving as though everything was just the same between them. Had he really taken her excuses of working late at face value, or was this some kind of act?
‘The workload?’ he prompted again, his voice gentle, when she continued to stare at him.
She tried to pull herself together. ‘Still chaotic,’ she said quickly. ‘Everyone’s working flat out at the moment.’
‘Jennifer is pleased you’ve made time to come this weekend.’ He reached for her again, wrapping her up in his arms as he said over her head, ‘As am I, of course.’
‘It was difficult,’ she murmured faintly, the feel and delicious smell of him making her want to cling to him and beg him to never let her go. She felt confused and all at sea and she wanted to weep. ‘But I promised Jen.’
She loved him. Useless to tell herself she didn’t because she did. Against everything she had told herself since she had met him, all the good and intelligent arguments she had put forth, she had gone and fallen in love with him. Stupid, stupid, stupid. She should never have got involved with him.
‘So, all ready?’ Carter said cheerfully.
As he drew away again she wasn’t quite quick enough to clear her face of all expression, but if he noticed her tragic eyes he made no comment.
She nodded wordlessly, not trusting herself to speak right at that moment but pointing to her case standing by the door with her coat draped over it.
Once they were in the car, Jennifer’s effusive greeting and animated chatter helped establish something of a normal atmosphere, but Liberty found she was painfully aware of every tiny movement Carter made at the side of her. He was dressed in immaculate charcoal trousers and an open-necked grey shirt, his jacket and tie lying on the back seat next to Jennifer, and he rolled up the sleeves of the shirt just before they started on their way. The dark hair on his forearms as his hands held the wheel and the way the trousers pulled tight over hard, powerful male thighs kept his virile masculinity very much to the forefront of Liberty’s mind, however much she tried to concentrate on the view through the windscreen.
Did he know how much she wanted him? Did he have any idea how often she lay awake at night with her body burning and restless as she imagined the hairy roughness of his naked flesh on hers, his hands and mouth touching her, caressing her, tasting her all over until their mingled pleasure reached a climactic crescendo? She hoped not. Oh, she did so hope not. Her heart began beating extra fast and the blood rushed up to her ears. How was she going to get through this weekend? How was she going to get through the rest of her life?
The Mercedes ate up the miles to the coast with comfort and ease once they were out of the bottleneck of London, and they arrived at the hotel with twenty minutes to spare before they met Carter’s parents in the cocktail lounge at half past eight. It was the last word in luxury. As Carter talked to one of the women on reception, Liberty and Jennifer gazed round the plush surroundings.
The manager himself appeared to show them to their rooms, a gangling bellboy in a smart uniform accompanying him and taking the women’s cases, although Carter insisted he would carry his own. As Liberty listened to the manager’s somewhat obsequious chatter she found herself wondering if Carter liked that sort of thing.
She didn’t know, she thought suddenly. Although the last weeks had been so intense, with barely a minute of spare time spent other than with Carter, what did she really know about him? Only the image he had projected. That was it in a nutshell. Of course it might be an honest and true picture but she had no way of knowing that for sure. But then men and women who had known their partners for years sometimes had nasty surprises. She supposed it all came down to trust in the end, but she didn’t think she was capable of trusting that a relationship with a member of the opposite sex would ever stand the test of time.
She was doing the right thing in ending this after the weekend. She’d had the caution light turn from amber to red, flashing the danger signal bright and clear. If she didn’t retreat now, she would get so mired down in this relationship she wouldn’t be able to see the wood for the trees, and there would be no hope of extricating her heart whole when things went wrong. She ignored the fact it was too late already.
From his viewpoint over the manager’s balding head Carter was aware of every fleeting expression on Liberty’s face. He felt a renewal of the determination which had been with him since the night before in Adam’s restaurant, despite his heart feeling as though it was being squeezed by a giant hand. Only the memory of how she had responded to him in her home earlier, that and the fact that he knew they’d shared something special which had been growing steadily in depth and intensity over the last weeks, persuaded him he would make her see reason. To give up now would ruin both their lives.
This unfamiliar and penetrating emotion that was so much more than merely desire frightened him too, he reflected grimly. She wasn’t the only one. But the thought of having to do without her scared him more.
The lift stopped at the second floor, which was also the top floor of the hotel, and the manager bowed them out before scuttling past Carter to open a door halfway down the hushed and scented corridor. ‘The ladies’ twin,’ he said with a beam, as though he had personally built and furnished it himself. The bellboy placed their cases in the room, slipping silently away but not before Liberty noticed Carter quietly press a note into the lad’s hand, for which he nodded and grinned his thanks. It was a superb room, both beds looking like small doubles to Liberty, and the en suite bathroom being a vision of black and silver marble and chrome.
‘A complimentary bowl of fruit, chocolates and bottle of champagne.’ The manager gestured to a massive arrangement of lilies which were perfuming the room. ‘And flowers, of course.’
Carter must be spending a small fortune here this weekend for this sort of treatment, Liberty thought wryly.
‘And now, if sir is ready I’ll show you your room.’
‘See you in reception in fifteen minutes.’ Carter spoke to them both but reached out a hand and touched the side of Liberty’s face as he did so.
When the door shut behind the two men, the women just had time to unpack, change and freshen up their makeup and hair before going downstairs. Liberty had chosen to wear the more understated of the two evening dresses she had brought with her, saving the one she had spent an arm and a leg on the previous week with the party in mind for the next day. Nevertheless, she knew the gunmetal-grey gown with its spaghetti straps and ruched bodice suited her colouring and, moreover, she felt comfortable in it, which was important considering she was tied up in knots at the thought of meeting Carter’s parents.
She needn’t have worried. From the first moment she knew she was going to get on fine with them. Like Carter, Paul Blake was tall, rugged and autocratic-looking, his thatch of thick, springy hair white and well-groomed. Mary, his wife, was surprisingly tiny but still quite beautiful in a quiet way, although the years of struggle and toil before Carter had lifted the pair of them out of the rat race showed in the lines radiating from her eyes and mouth.
‘So you are Liberty Fox?’ Paul Blake said softly as Carter introduced them in the cocktail lounge where his parents had been sitting waiting. ‘I can see now what captivated Carter.’
‘Don’t, Paul, you’re embarrassing her,’ Mary chided at his side, ignoring the uncertain hand Liberty had proffered and reaching up on her toes to drop a birdlike kiss on Liberty’s cheek. ‘You look very lovely, my dear, and I’m so pleased you could come for the party tomorrow, although meeting the tribe in one fell swoop might be a little daunting.’
Liberty had been about to politely lie and say she was looking forward to it. Instead she found herself confiding, ‘I’m terrified, to be truthful.’
‘Don’t be, we’ll all be there to look after you, and if Uncle Harry comes anywhere near, Paul or Carter will block him off. We’ll have them on sentry duty for the night.’
‘Uncle Harry?’ The others were all laughing as Liberty enquired of Carter. ‘Who is Uncle Harry?’
‘He’s eighty if he’s a day but still fancies himself as a ladies’ man,’ Carter said smilingly.
‘He’s been married six times and his present wife is a mere slip of a thing at forty,’ Jennifer supplied. ‘And he gave her a baby a few months ago.’ She wrinkled her nose at the thought.
‘Really?’ Liberty’s eyes were open wide. ‘And he’s eighty?’
‘But whether the child is Harry’s as she claims is another question,’ Carter said dryly. ‘But he likes to believe so.’
‘Carter!’ His mother sounded shocked. ‘Of course Catherine is Harry’s; she’s the image of him for one thing.’
‘Mother, Catherine is small and round and bald—or nearly bald,’ he corrected as his mother’s mouth opened in protest. ‘Of course she looks like him at the moment; that’s Harry to a T. He’s in his second childhood, as we all know.’
‘You’re a dreadful man.’ But Mary was laughing as much as the others. ‘Poor Harry.’
There was such an easygoing warmth between all of them. Liberty felt like a child gazing through a window into a shop packed with the best presents on earth but which she had no chance of entering. She had noticed this before with Carter and Jennifer, but now his parents were here the family unity was emphasised tenfold. They were all so very lucky, she thought wistfully.
‘Ah, here’s Adam.’
Carter’s voice had been magnificently matter-of-fact, but as Jennifer’s head shot round to the doorway where Adam was standing Liberty saw Carter’s eyes were on his sister’s face.
‘Adam?’ Jennifer said agitatedly as the tall, good-looking man in a dinner jacket began to make his way over to them. ‘You didn’t tell me he was coming tonight.’
‘Didn’t I?’ Carter’s voice was nonchalant. ‘I must have forgotten. He mentioned he’d got plans to stay over tomorrow night so I phoned him this morning and invited him to join us. That’s all right, isn’t it?’ He turned and spoke in an aside to his mother at this juncture. ‘If he joins us tonight too?’
‘Of course.’ Mary was clearly delighted. ‘Adam’s like one of the family. He and his sister spent more time in our home than they ever did in their own when they were little,’ she added to Liberty just before Adam reached them. ‘Poor girl.’
With Adam’s presence, the rest of the evening went far better for Liberty than she had expected. It probably wasn’t very nice, she thought guiltily as the excellent five-course dinner drew to a close, but as Carter’s parents were clearly just as aware of the situation between Adam and Jennifer as Carter had been, and were trying to ignore their daughter’s discomfiture and embarrassment by making non-stop conversation—ably abetted by Carter who was at his most entertaining—the heat was taken off her, for which she was thankful.
There was a dance floor round which the tables were grouped, and when music started up as the waiter brought their coffee and the brandy Carter had ordered, he stood with one fluid movement and pulled her to her feet.
‘Come on. I could do with working a little of that dinner off,’ he said in a tone which brooked no refusal.
She couldn’t argue but as she allowed herself to be led away she muttered quietly, ‘I’m too full to dance.’
‘Nonsense.’ As he took her into his arms when they were out on the dance floor he looked down at her with hooded eyes. His next words caused her to miss a step and tread on his toes. ‘Are you afraid of me?’ he asked softly.
‘Don’t be ridiculous.’ She stared at him, aware she was flushing but unable to do anything about it. ‘Of course not.’
‘Is it ridiculous?’ he asked very seriously.
‘Yes, it is.’ And it was, in a way. It wasn’t so much Carter she was afraid of as herself and her feelings for this strange, complex individual.
‘Then why do you look at me with the eyes of a startled doe and tremble when I touch you?’ he murmured in her ear.
‘I don’t,’ she said flatly, but a tiny tremor in her voice betrayed her. She could hear it herself so he must have.
‘We’ve grown very close over the last weeks and you know it, don’t you?’ His eyes had caught hers, forcing her to look at him. ‘Is that why you are backing off?’
So he had known. She resorted to attack being the best defence. ‘If all this is a lead up to my spending the night in your room, you can forget it,’ she said scathingly.
‘There’s nothing I would like better than to have you in my bed.’ Now he pulled her close against him, moulding her body into his so it fitted in all the right places.
‘Don’t, people are watching,’ she whispered tensely.
He ignored this as though she hadn’t spoken, continuing, ‘But I would no more take you this weekend than fly to the moon. You aren’t ready for me, and until you are I don’t want your body. When we make love it will be just that, making love. Do you understand me, Liberty? Heart, soul, mind and body.’
It was a statement of intent and she couldn’t pretend she didn’t know what he was saying.
Her body seemed to be on fire and his was betraying what their closeness was doing to him. He had one arm round her waist but the other had moved to play with the silk of her hair at the nape of her neck and now she shivered, the caress of his fingers making her want his mouth on hers.
‘I’ve no intention of letting you back off, Liberty. None.’ There was a thread of steel in his voice now, his mouth close to her ear as he murmured, ‘I won’t allow you to put us both through hell because you are afraid of committing yourself to me. The way your mother has lived her life is nothing to do with us and you have to see that.’
The mention of her mother caused Liberty to stiffen. ‘You know nothing about it,’ she managed shakily. ‘Nothing.’
‘Because you damn well won’t discuss it.’ He whirled her round and out through a side door, whereupon she found herself in a small ante-room which was possibly used for drinks before a wedding reception in the main restaurant. He stood with her enclosed in his arms as he said, ‘I care about you. You must see that? Damn it, everyone else can,’ he added dryly.
‘You said you weren’t looking for anything heavy,’ she reminded him desperately. ‘You said that.’
‘And I meant it at the time.’
‘So what’s changed?’
‘Me. I admit it.’ His hold on her didn’t loosen despite her attempt to prise his hands away from her waist. ‘But I also said I like honesty and truth in a relationship, remember? And that holds. So…’ he smiled down at her with glittering eyes ‘…I thought I’d better be straight with you. I want you, Liberty, but not for a week or a month or whatever. You’re not that kind of girl.’
She didn’t know what to say so she said the first thing that came into her head through her whirling thoughts. ‘What kind of girl am I, then?’ And immediately wished she hadn’t.
‘The kind that makes a guy think that maybe for ever isn’t so implausible after all.’
She became very still in his arms. ‘This isn’t fair, Carter.’ Her voice was barely a whisper. ‘I told you at the beginning where I stood.’
‘It was different then.’ And it had been, damn it. They hadn’t known each other then. Over the last weeks they had packed more talking, more laughter, more of what made a couple a couple than some folk shared in a decade. He knew it. And she knew it. And that was why she was scared to death. This wasn’t one-sided. She wanted him as much as he wanted her. No, he wouldn’t compromise at want. Loved him as much as he loved her. They wouldn’t be having this conversation if she didn’t.
‘I haven’t led you on,’ she said dully.
‘I’m not saying you have,’ he said quietly.
‘I…I can’t be the sort of person you want me to be.’
‘Tell me you don’t love me,’ he challenged directly, studying her with narrowed eyes. ‘Say it and mean it and I’ll forget all this right now. But I shall know if you’re lying.’
Her heart was pounding and there was a lump in her throat which caused a physical ache. How could she tell him that?
‘I know your mother left you and your father but he stayed, didn’t he? Look at him, not her.’
He didn’t understand, but how could he? She didn’t understand the way she felt herself. Logic didn’t come into it.
‘You haven’t said it.’ His voice was very soft.
‘What?’ She played for time, her head whirling.
‘That you don’t love me.’ Her body was rigid; he could feel her like a piece of board in his arms, but they had to talk, damn it. He was inhaling the perfume that came from her skin and hair, drinking it in, and it seemed impossible that she could ever walk away from him. It was impossible. It had to be.
‘It’s not a question of love.’ She swallowed, her head falling. ‘My mother thought she loved my father in the early days; she’s told me that. And then she fell in love with someone else and then someone else…’
‘You are not your mother.’ Suddenly he wanted to shake her.
But she had her mother’s blood flowing through her veins as well as her father’s. The deeply buried dread which had been in her subconscious since she had reached the age of understanding forced its way into the light. She took a shuddering breath but she couldn’t speak.
‘Do you hear me, Liberty? You are not like her.’
‘How do you know?’ She raised her eyes to his, willing herself not to break down and cry. ‘How on earth do you know?’
‘Because I know you.’
‘Carter, five weeks ago you weren’t aware I existed, so how can you know me?’
He stared at her, his eyes very steady, very calm. ‘Because what we have doesn’t rely on time,’ he said evenly. ‘You’re my other half. I feel it in my bones, my blood, my head, my heart. I knew you the minute I met you, although I didn’t let myself believe it then. I told myself this would be another fling—nothing serious, but exciting for as long as it lasted. I was kidding myself. I’ve had women since I was seventeen years old and still wet behind the ears. I’m not wet behind the ears any more and I recognise the real thing when I see it.’
The real thing? Was he talking marriage here? The panic she felt showed in her face and after a long moment he sighed. ‘What am I going to do with you?’ he said very quietly and he was not smiling. ‘Look, you acknowledge there’s something between us, yes? Something good? Something very good?’
She nodded. It would be useless to deny it.
‘Something you haven’t felt for anyone else?’
She nodded again and he felt a surge of elation which he checked before it took over. ‘And it’s scared you to death,’ he continued flatly. ‘So much so you wanted out.’
She looked away, her heart beating frantically like a hard little tennis ball against her ribcage.
‘Well, now it’s out in the open—how you feel and how I feel, and we both know where we stand. In spite of that, or maybe because of it, I see no reason for our relationship not to continue the way it’s been going. Let’s relax and play it by ear, okay? The time thing bothers you. I can understand that. I can’t pretend to get in your head, but I can accept this has happened like a bolt from the blue. I feel the same.’
‘You do?’
‘Yeah. Amazingly, you’re not the only one who is allowed to feel the axis of their world has suddenly shifted,’ he said wryly. ‘So, we continue seeing each other?’ Before she could answer, he took her face between his hands and kissed her. It was a long, sweet, aching kiss, a kiss which seemed to confirm everything he had told her, which said he loved her.
When it was over she was trembling, but she forced herself to say, ‘What if the time thing doesn’t work to your advantage like you think it will? What if things go wrong the more we know about each other? I…I don’t want to hurt you.’
Hurt him? It’d kill him. Carter grinned. ‘I’m a big boy,’ he said lazily, forcing his body to relax along with his voice. ‘Don’t worry about it.’
His reward was when she lifted her hand and touched the side of his face in a soft cupping action that carried a wealth of emotion in its tenderness.
‘We’d better get back to the others.’ He had taken her hand and kissed it before he spoke, and now he put an arm round her waist and led her through to the dance floor, where they were confronted with the cheering sight of Jennifer in Adam’s arms as he whisked her about the dance floor.
When they got to their table they hadn’t even sat down before Mary said, ‘What do you think?’ as she inclined her head towards the dance floor. ‘They look like they’re getting on well.’
‘It’s a start.’ Carter glanced at Liberty as he spoke and she had the feeling he wasn’t talking about the two on the dance floor.
‘I do hope Jennifer lets him see how she feels.’ Mary glanced at Liberty, her brow wrinkled. ‘They’ve wasted so much time already. Poor Adam hasn’t known where he’s stood with her.’
‘It’s up to them now.’ Paul’s voice held a mild warning note as he spoke to his wife. ‘They’re both adults and not young kids, and for all we know one or the other of them doesn’t feel the same any more. Don’t you say anything, Mary.’
‘I wouldn’t dream of it.’ Mary tossed her head huffily, and then, as her husband reached across and squeezed her hand, she added, ‘I just hope Jennifer says something,’ and Paul groaned softly, glancing at Carter, who grinned sympathetically.
Whether it was this which caused Carter’s father to say, once Jennifer and Adam returned to the table, ‘Well, we’ll leave you young things to it and take a cab home now, if that’s all right. It’s going to be a long day tomorrow and we’re not spring chickens any more,’ wasn’t clear, but Liberty suspected so. Certainly Carter’s mother’s feet hardly touched the ground.
Once they had seen Paul and Mary off from reception, Jennifer declared herself ready for bed and Liberty quickly agreed. Apparently the men were sharing a twin room along the corridor from their room, so they all went up in the lift together, Jennifer and Adam disappearing into their respective quarters when Carter paused outside the girls’ room.
‘Tactful, aren’t they?’
He grinned at her, and Liberty couldn’t help smiling back even as she said, ‘You did make it pretty obvious.’
‘That I wanted to say goodnight in private? Too true.’ His arms folded around her waist and tugged her into the cradle of his hips. He dipped his head, covering her lips in a hard, hungry kiss. Her arms wound round his neck, her hands sliding into the blackness of his hair, which smelt of shampoo.
The kiss was a kiss of infinite desire, the thundering of his heart testifying to his arousal as blatantly as did his maleness, the feel of his hips grinding against hers leaving her in no doubt that his need was as great as her own.
‘I could eat you up, do you know that?’ When he finally broke off the kiss he was breathing hard and his voice was a groan. His hands moved to the swell of her breasts, the silk of her dress causing his fingers to glide with a touch as light as down over the sensitised flesh. Her nipples hardened in response, and as his mouth again took hers she was ready when his tongue tasted the sweetness within.
The muscles across his back were tense as her hands slid across his broad frame, relishing the feel of the powerful male body. He moved her against the wall of the corridor and for a crazy moment she was tempted to hoist up the dress and wrap her hips round him. It was enough to break the madness.
‘Carter…No.’ She flattened the palms of her hands on his chest, pushing to emphasise her words. ‘We’re out here, anyone could see us.’
He stopped, but it still took a moment or two before he straightened reluctantly, shaking his head as he said, ‘I can’t believe what you do to me,’ a touch of ruefulness in his voice. ‘Get in that room quick before I forget all my good intentions and carry you off somewhere.’
She smiled, but now she was out of his arms her lack of control appalled her. What sort of message was she sending? He only had to touch her and she melted for him, but you didn’t stay in bed twenty-four hours a day in a relationship, did you? she argued to herself. How did she know this wasn’t just fierce sexual attraction—for him as well as for her? Something which would burn itself out, leaving ashes in its place and just a charred lingering odour.
‘Stop thinking.’
She didn’t know her face was revealing her thoughts, but as he halted her withdrawal into herself she gazed at him with eyes that had turned as black as ebony.
‘I mean it, Liberty. You’re tired, emotionally and physically. Don’t go on any more witch-hunts tonight. Go and take a shower and go to sleep. You can dream of me as long as they’re good dreams, okay?’
She hooked a strand of hair behind her ear and laughed nervously. ‘You sound like a shrink.’
He held up protesting hands. ‘It’s just plain common sense, sweetheart.’
Sweetheart. He had never called her that before and she found she liked it. ‘Goodnight, Carter,’ she said softly.
‘Goodnight.’ He didn’t move from where he now stood leaning against the wall, powerful arms crossed over his chest, merely continuing to watch her with brooding eyes until the door of her room closed.

please continue , i really liked this novel, thank you for your choice

CHAPTER SEVEN
LIBERTY hadn’t expected to sleep at all when she climbed into bed after a long, warm shower but, to her amazement, after she said goodnight to a sleepy Jennifer, she didn’t remember anything else till morning.
She awoke to hear Jennifer was already in the shower, and when the other girl walked through to the bedroom, her hair wrapped turban fashion in a towel and a bath sheet round her body, Jennifer smiled at her ruefully. ‘I needed to do something to hide the ravages of an almost sleepless night,’ Carter’s sister said, plumping herself down on the end of Liberty’s bed. ‘Do the shadows under my eyes look too bad?’
Liberty gazed into the fresh, pretty face and smiled. ‘You look just great,’ she assured her firmly. ‘I promise.’
‘I went to sleep in a twinkling and then woke up an hour later and that was that,’ Jennifer said mournfully. ‘Liberty, do you think it means anything, the fact that Adam’s come up by himself without a girlfriend in tow?’
These two had to be the dimmest pair in history! Liberty shook her head, deciding some straight talking was in order. ‘Jen, he’s crazy about you; a blind man could see that,’ she said exasperatedly. ‘Why do you think he’s never stayed with a girl for more than two minutes? But after all that’s happened you need to give him a bit of encouragement; surely you see that? It wasn’t him who started messing about with other people and then got married, after all.’
‘But what if I say something, do something, and then he doesn’t want to know?’ Jennifer said weakly. ‘What then?’
‘You’re no worse off than you are now.’ Liberty stared at her. ‘And, to be honest, I think you owe it to him to make the first move.’
‘You do?’ It was uncertain. ‘Really?’
‘Yes, I do,’ Liberty said firmly. ‘And if you end up with egg on your face, take it on the chin.’
‘The egg?’ Jennifer giggled before her face straightened again and she almost wailed, ‘Oh, I’m mad about him, Liberty. I’ll just die if he gives me the cold shoulder.’
‘You wouldn’t and he won’t. Now, pull out all the stops and titivate while I have my shower, and then we’ll go down to breakfast. And for goodness’ sake don’t waste the day thinking about what you’re going to do. Do something straight away so you can actually enjoy this evening.’
‘You really think he likes me, don’t you?’
‘No, I don’t think he likes you, Jen. I think he loves you.’ Liberty shook her head in exasperation. ‘Trust me.’
‘Okay.’ Jennifer straightened her shoulders, thrusting her chin up. ‘I’ll do it. At breakfast. Somehow I’ll do it and if it goes wrong, well, I’ve only myself to blame for how I was when we were younger. If I don’t do it I’ll never know.’
‘It won’t go wrong.’
Once in the shower, Liberty stood for some minutes in the warm, silky flow, trying to moderate her racing heartbeat and the churning in her stomach at the thought of seeing Carter again after their conversation last night.
Why was it always so much easier to give someone else advice about their love life? she wondered ruefully. She’d sounded like an old sage talking to Jennifer and yet she was the last person on earth who should be talking about love and commitment. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black!
She dug her fingers into her scalp as she washed her hair, for all the world as though she was washing all the doubt and uncertainty away with the foaming suds.
Carter had said he’d never felt the way he felt about her in all his life, that he had changed, but how did she know that for sure? By his own admission he had never had to wait to get a woman into bed before, so it might just be that the challenge she had unwittingly presented, the thrill of the chase, was keeping sexual tension to a pitch where he imagined all sorts of things. There was an obvious solution to that, of course.
She rubbed in conditioner, frowning slightly. But if she gave herself to him and in a few weeks or months they did part company, would she ever recover from the fallout? Loving him as she did, it wouldn’t just be her body she was committing, but her heart, soul and everything that made her her.
The conditioner rinsed away, she stepped out of the shower and began to dry herself with a fluffy bath sheet. But it would be one more barrier removed; that fact was inescapable. Oh, she just didn’t know what to do or how to play this. She raised her head, staring at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. There was no answer in the eyes of the tragic-faced woman looking back at her. But then she hadn’t expected one.
Play it by ear. Carter’s words of the night before came back to her, and she nodded to them. It was the only answer in this tangle she’d managed to get herself into. She couldn’t imagine life without him now, but she couldn’t imagine a for ever scenario either. Hell, she was a mess. Why he was bothering with her at all she didn’t know. There must be any number of young, uncomplicated, eager things out there just champing at the bit to get into his bed.
Once back in the bedroom she dressed swiftly in smart casual trousers and a white cashmere waist-length jumper, but in spite of taking time to dry her hair carefully and apply a light coating of foundation and mascara, she still had to wait another ten minutes until Jennifer was satisfied that her own make-up and hair was just right.
The other woman’s jitteriness was infectious, and as they travelled down in the lift Liberty found herself wringing her hands before she caught sight of herself in the mirrored panels. She forced herself to relax, taking a long, deep, calming breath. What with Jennifer and Adam, and her own feelings about Carter, she would be a nervous wreck at the end of this weekend if she didn’t pull herself together.
The two men were already sitting in the restaurant and Carter lifted a beckoning hand as they walked in. They both had a glass of orange juice in front of them but had obviously waited before ordering. Carter looked so delicious it was with great forbearance that Liberty didn’t fling herself into his lap.
‘Good morning.’ They had both risen at the women’s approach and as Adam smiled at Jennifer, Carter bent and placed the lightest of kisses on Liberty’s mouth. Which really shouldn’t have ignited the fire in the pit of her stomach, she reflected helplessly as she took her seat.
‘Sleep well?’
Adam’s enquiry of Jennifer was clearly a social pleasantry but her reply was anything but. ‘No,’ Carter’s sister said, very quietly but very distinctly. ‘I lay awake all night wondering if I had the nerve to admit to you what a complete fool I’ve been in the past and ask for another chance.’
You could have heard a pin drop. Liberty froze, her eyes on the cutlery in front of her. Carter’s hand, which had been reaching for his orange juice, hesitated briefly before manfully carrying on but once it reached its target it just remained there. The whole world was waiting with bated breath.
Adam must have been staring at Jennifer dumbstruck because her voice was tiny when she said, ‘Can you ever forgive me? I know you’ll have to think about it but—’
‘I’ve thought.’ Adam’s voice was husky and low, and now Liberty did raise her head to look at him. What she saw in his face made her swallow hard. ‘Let’s get out of here. Carter, you don’t mind…?’
‘Go ahead.’ Carter was grinning like the Cheshire cat.
Jennifer was now pink and trembling and as Adam took her hand and fairly galloped her out of the restaurant Carter said in true brotherly fashion, ‘Thank heavens for that; she’s been driving me as nuts as she has him. I hope he doesn’t make it too easy for her.’
‘You don’t mean that.’ Liberty smiled at him, the suddenness of Jennifer’s bravery both amazing her and filling her with admiration. ‘And you know he will. He loves her.’
‘There is that.’ He smiled at her, his voice taking on a dry tone as he said, ‘I hope you’re taking note. You know we might have got it wrong with the two per cent we talked about a few weeks ago. Perhaps more couples make it than we gave credit for. It’s a thought, isn’t it?’
She might have known he wouldn’t miss any opportunity to press his case, but looking at him all she could think of was how much she loved him and how incredibly lucky Jennifer and Adam were. They might have had their own share of misery and heartache but they would make it now, she was sure of it. But as for her and Carter…
‘Anyway, I hate to bring things down to a more basic level but my stomach is beginning to think my throat has been cut. If you are ready we’ll order before we help ourselves to cereal and so on. I’ve a feeling we might not see much of Jennifer and Adam before tonight.’
Probably due to the sea air, Liberty found she thoroughly enjoyed her breakfast. Carter demolished twice as much as she did, along with several rounds of toast and preserves and a pot of coffee. She gazed at him in awe.
‘Do you always eat such a hearty breakfast?’ she asked him as he sat back in his seat, replete at last.
‘I’m a big boy,’ he said mildly. ‘Or hadn’t you noticed?’
She ignored the glint in his eyes. ‘Do you need to be overseeing the preparations for the party tonight or whatever?’ she asked as they rose from their seats. ‘I can easily occupy myself, so don’t worry about me.’
‘Not this morning.’ He took her hand in his. ‘Probably not this afternoon either but I just wanted to be around in case of last-minute hitches. I want this to be perfect for my parents. When they married there was no money for a reception or anything of that nature. This is to make up for that.’
She stared at him. When she had first met him he had portrayed the image of hard-headed businessman who was as ruthless in his private life as he was in his work. And that was part of him, she knew that. But he had allowed her to glimpse the inner man now and again, and this had happened more of late. And the inner man was…disturbing. Wonderfully so.
‘Fancy a walk along the sea front?’ he asked as they made their way to the lift. ‘I like the smell of the sea.’
She nodded. The day was cold but bright and sunny, and with the English weather in mind she had brought warm clothes, along with sheepskin boots and a cosy hat which enclosed her ears, for just such an eventuality.
She exited her room, muffled like an Eskimo, just as Carter came along the corridor from his quarters dressed in a black leather jacket and black denim jeans. He looked so sexy she found it difficult to breathe for a moment.
‘I thought it might be cold,’ she said breathlessly in an effort to explain her mummified appearance.
‘It will be,’ he assured her, dropping a quick kiss on her nose. ‘I might come under that hat with you.’
The tiered gardens of the hotel led down to the sea front and the nearer they got to the sea the more bitter the wind became. Once the sea was in front of them the winter sun was a pale flash of light on the icy water, but beautiful nevertheless.
She had to grasp each moment of this weekend, Liberty told herself, without questioning why it was so important. She had to take each experience deep into her psyche, and the crashing white-tipped waves and harsh calls of the seagulls in the blue sky above were part of the haunting beauty.
‘Warm enough?’ Carter asked as they began to walk towards the beach. He was holding her securely against him, which was a mixed blessing. She appreciated the warmth his big masculine body provided, but the feel of the hard angles and planes and the tantalising thrill of being enclosed and protected made her a little light-headed.
‘I’m fine,’ she assured him weakly, the fact that the sea wind took her words and whipped them away providing a welcome cover for her body’s betrayal.
She knew her nose would be as red as a beetroot by the time they had elevenses in a little café along the sea front, and it was immensely irritating that Carter seemed oblivious to the cold. She said as much once they were ensconced at a table by the window drinking hot chocolate. ‘It’s a male thing,’ he assured her solemnly, his eyes dancing. ‘Weak, fragile woman and big strong man, you know.’
She said a rude word and he laughed out loud. Ridiculously, the warmth and ease of the exchange hit her like a blow between the ribs, the ever present danger his attraction held re-emphasised.
Carter noticed the way her eyes dropped from his to the mug held between her fingers and guessed the reason for it. She looked like a little child in that hat and with her nose pink-tipped, he thought, a stab of pain making itself felt. But Liberty was no child. She was a woman, a beautiful and desirable woman who was determined to keep him somewhere on the perimeter of her life. No, not exactly the perimeter, he corrected in the next moment, but nowhere near where he wanted to be.
He took a pull at the hot chocolate. So it was up to him to scale the battlements, and he would. If it took his last breath he would. The somewhat lofty ideal mocked him, causing his mouth to twist in self-deprecation as the more carnal side of him admitted the need for her was achingly intense. But he could and would control that.
He stretched out his hand, lifting her chin so her eyes met his. ‘You’re thinking again,’ he said softly. ‘Let yourself feel instead. Go beyond that formidable solicitor’s mind which has everything slotted and labelled into neat files.’
She forced a smile but it was an effort. ‘If I was thinking at all it was just how nice it is to be in the warm, drinking chocolate and looking out into the wind and cold,’ she lied lightly.
One dark eyebrow quirked.
Ignore it, she told herself quickly as a desire to defend herself rose hot and strong. He wanted to provoke a reaction, to keep probing the wound, and she wasn’t about to go down that path. ‘I wonder how Jennifer and Adam are getting on,’ she said flatly.
‘Oh, so do I.’ It was lazily sarcastic but she pretended she didn’t notice.
‘It would make the evening for your parents if they saw the two of them had got together, wouldn’t it?’ she said determinedly. ‘The icing on the cake, so to speak.’
He nodded, his eyes silver-grey in the light streaming in through the window. ‘My mother is longing to be a grandmother.’ He took her hand in his, turning it over and stroking the palm with his other hand. ‘She’d just about given up on the pair of us.’ His eyes were unblinking as they looked into hers, his firm, sculptured mouth curving cynically even though his voice was bland and conversational.
Liberty tried very hard not to think of Carter and babies, of making babies—She cleared her throat, extracting her hand from his as she said, ‘I’ll just pop to the Ladies’ before we go back.’ And she fled to its dubious sanctuary.
Once in the tiny washroom which held one toilet, one washbasin and a cracked mirror and smelt strongly of bleach, she stared at herself in the spotted glass. Her nose was as red as she’d feared, she noticed wryly. She turned away, leaning against the wall as she asked herself what it was Carter saw in her. She just didn’t get it.
The arrival of a big fat matron with a squawking baby cut short the introspection, and after Liberty had edged round the woman she made her way back to Carter, who was sitting looking moodily out of the window in the moment before he saw her.

After lunch, during which Jennifer and Adam were conspicuous by their absence, Liberty pleaded a headache and escaped to her room after telling Carter she would join him a little later.
It was cowardly, she admitted to herself as she flung herself down on the bed after closing the curtains, but she really did have an ache behind her eyes caused mainly by the ache in her heart probably. It shouldn’t be like this, should it? Romance, love, call it what you would. Wasn’t it supposed to be all thrills and excitement and never wanting the feeling to end?
She tossed and turned a little before padding through to the bathroom and getting a glass of water, whereupon she took two of the aspirin she kept in her handbag for emergencies. The headache was fast becoming a major throb, and she slipped off her trousers and jumper, snuggling down under the covers in her bra and panties. She’d lie quietly for half an hour or so until it subsided, she thought, and then she would go and find Carter to see if she could help with anything.
She awoke three hours later to a knock at the door and found the room in shadowed twilight. She glanced at her watch and then couldn’t believe her eyes. She’d slept the afternoon away. She couldn’t remember doing that since she was a child. As the knock sounded again she flung back the duvet and reached for her silk robe, which she’d slung on to a chair at the side of the bed that morning. Pulling the belt tight, she padded to the door and opened it.
‘How’s the head?’ Carter was leaning against the doorpost, his posture lazy but his grey eyes tight on her face.
‘Carter, I’m so sorry,’ she said quickly. ‘I only intended to lie down for a few minutes after I’d taken some aspirin but I must have fallen asleep. I was going to help you with things.’
‘No need.’ His somewhat severe expression had mellowed at the obvious sincerity and he stroked back a lock of her hair with one finger. ‘Look, Adam and Jen are in my room and they’ve some news for us. Have you got your key?’
‘Shouldn’t I put some clothes on?’ she asked, flustered.
‘Not on my account.’ He grinned at her. ‘Anyway, you look perfectly decent in this silky thing; it covers more of you than normal.’ It also clung in all the right places and he didn’t think she was wearing much beneath it. His loins tightened and his voice was slightly husky when he said, ‘Just get the key and come along. They’re waiting.’
Carter and Adam’s room was identical to the women’s, but as Liberty entered it she wasn’t taking note of the décor. Adam was standing with one arm round Jennifer’s shoulders and from the beam on both their faces Liberty assumed the news was good.
‘Liberty!’ Jennifer reached out her hands, her voice rushed and excited. ‘We wanted you and Carter to be the first to know. Look.’ She stretched out her left hand, twirling it around so that the solitaire diamond engagement ring flashed in the artificial light. ‘We’re engaged!’
‘Oh, Jen!’ Liberty hugged the other woman as Carter stepped forward and shook Adam’s hand. ‘Jen, I’m so pleased.’
‘I would say you’re a quick worker,’ Carter said to his friend, ‘but considering this has taken over a decade to come about, I won’t.’
‘We want to get married in the spring,’ Jennifer went on, ‘just a quiet wedding with a few friends and family, but in a church. I wouldn’t feel married if we didn’t do it in a church. Will you and Carter be our witnesses?’
‘And it goes without saying I want you as my best man,’ Adam added when he could get a word in edgeways, clapping Carter on the back, a grin on his face which stretched from ear to ear. ‘If you will, of course.’
‘And you as my bridesmaid,’ Jennifer chimed in again to Liberty. ‘I shall only have you. I did the five bridesmaids and a page boy last time and I want this to be completely different.’
‘It will be,’ Adam assured her dryly. ‘Not least because this is for ever.’
‘I know.’ Jennifer turned from Liberty and leapt into his arms, her legs wrapped round his hips as they kissed.
A polite knock at the door interrupted the delirium. As Adam put Jennifer down he said, ‘That’ll be the champagne. I thought we’d toast the future together, just the four of us.’
Liberty kept the smile on her face with some effort as the waiter brought in the champagne in an ice bucket, along with a bowl of strawberries and a plate of canapés—compliments of the management, the waiter informed them smilingly. She was thrilled for Jennifer and Adam, over the moon, but all this talk of bridesmaids and witnesses…She didn’t know if she and Carter would still be together next week, let alone in the spring. But she couldn’t very well say so right now. She would just have to go along with everything for the moment and sort it out with Jennifer later, once the initial hubbub had died down.
They drank the champagne and ate the strawberries and canapés amid much laughter; Carter and Adam in fine form as they ribbed and chaffed each other in the way only very good friends could, and Liberty felt herself relaxing a little.
At five o’clock Jennifer declared she needed bags of time to get ready for the party, pulling Liberty to the door and giggling like a schoolgirl. She was on such a high that Liberty wondered if she’d ever come down. As they stepped into the corridor Adam caught hold of Liberty’s arm, his voice soft as he said, ‘Jen told me what you said to her this morning. Thanks, Liberty. I owe you.’ And he kissed her lightly on the cheek.
‘Have I missed something vital here?’
Carter raised dark eyebrows and Adam grinned at him. ‘Seems so, all knowing one.’
‘I just said to Jen that she needed to make it plain how she felt,’ Liberty said embarrassedly, knowing in advance how Carter would take it. ‘That’s all. Nothing much.’
He was, however, quite restrained, *******ing himself with a glance of cool amusement as he murmured, ‘Out of the mouths of babes…’
Once back in their room, the two women began to get ready in something of a spin. Jennifer’s animation and feverish happiness was infectious, and Liberty found she was enjoying herself as they giggled at nothing with nervous excitement. She put Jennifer’s hair up for her, persuading the thick waves into an elegant chignon which made the most of Carter’s sister’s elfin features and big eyes, especially when teamed with the red and gold asymmetric evening dress Jennifer was wearing.
‘Do you think Adam and I ought to have a quiet word with Mum and Dad before you and Carter come down?’ Jennifer asked suddenly. It had been arranged that the four of them would meet Paul and Mary Blake for cocktails half an hour before the guests were due to start arriving.
Liberty nodded; she’d been thinking the same thing herself. ‘I think I’d like that if I was them,’ she said quietly.
‘It will give Adam a chance to ask for my hand,’ Jennifer said with a smile, her eyes as bright as if she’d had a magnum of champagne instead of just one glass. ‘He said he wants to do that, you know, ask formally.’
‘Does he?’ Adam went up another notch in Liberty’s eyes. ‘Well, I definitely think it would be best, then. He doesn’t want Carter and me breathing down his neck when he’s doing the in-law bit.’
‘It’s ten past seven. Mum and Dad’ll be here before half past, if I know them. I’ll go and get Adam now and tell him what we’ve decided. Shall I tell Carter to knock on the door when he’s ready to go down?’
Liberty nodded. She had finished her own hair and make-up; all she needed to do now was to slip into her dress and apply a touch of gloss to her lipstick.
Once Jennifer had left the room in a swirl of red and gold, Liberty slipped off her robe and went across to the dress she had hanging on the outside of the wardrobe door. Jennifer had oohed and aahed over the exquisitely elegant sheer sequinned and beaded tulle gown, and it was fabulous, there was no doubt about it. She had bought some dangling rock crystal earrings to set off the criss-cross gilet-style of the bodice which could still be seen even with her hair loose, but as she gazed at the beautiful dress she had a moment of misgiving.
It clung to her like a second skin and, although her flesh-coloured bra and panties made the dress more than decent, it was definitely the sexiest thing she had ever worn. But she had wanted to look good for Carter. She had wanted his eyes to be on her and no one else. She wrinkled her nose at herself, her brows coming together in a perplexed frown as she tried to rationalise the tumult of emotions which had been swirling about inside her since the day they had met.
But she couldn’t. If she was being truthful, she just couldn’t. She wanted him to want her like he’d never wanted another woman in his life but, contrarily, it also scared her to death.
But she hadn’t felt like this with Gerard, not for a second. Because she hadn’t loved Gerard. He hadn’t even begun to touch the inner core of her, so that had made his apparent devotion and love quite safe.
Oh stop it, she told herself irritably. Get dressed and stop thinking, as Carter would say. Oh, Carter…
She forced herself to take the dress off the hanger and let it slip over her head. It fell in glorious smoothness to her feet, and suddenly she felt she very much needed another glass of champagne! It had looked like a million dollars in the very exclusive shop she had entered with fear and trepidation, but now, fully made up and with her hair down, it was…She couldn’t find a word to adequately describe what it did for her, but she wished she could bottle it and bring it out on a day when she was feeling fat and spotty.
When she heard Carter’s knock at the door she had been sitting on the edge of the bed for some minutes, willing herself to calm down as she attempted to flick through a magazine.
Her sandals were so high they demanded a completely different way of walking, but in the two weeks since she’d acquired them she had been in training. Now she swayed over to the door with consummate ease, opening it and then experiencing a thunderbolt of a shock herself.
She had known Carter was going to dress up, but the black dinner jacket and tie were new—at least she hadn’t seen them before—and even the white tux he’d worn on occasion couldn’t compete with the style and fit of what he was wearing tonight. His dark hair was slicked back, his tanned face carried a delicious scent of aftershave on clean male skin as he bent forward and kissed her—he was every woman’s fantasy of what she would like to find in her stocking on Christmas Day.
‘You look sensational,’ he said softly, the husky quality to his voice telling her he meant every word. ‘Every eye is going to be on you tonight.’
‘I hope not.’ She looked faintly alarmed. ‘It’s your parents’ evening, and Jennifer and Adam’s, of course.’
‘Here.’ He handed her a long, slim box from his pocket. ‘I was going to get you a corsage and then I thought you might be wearing a dress which didn’t lend itself to it, so I played safe. I thought this would go with anything.’
‘What is it?’ She looked at the box as if it was going to bite her. ‘You shouldn’t have bought me anything.’
‘Open it and see,’ he suggested with the cool laziness he always adopted when he was faintly unsure of himself. She blinked, wondering where that thought had come from, but then she realised it was true. It was a self-protection he adopted.
She didn’t like the flood of tenderness the knowledge evoked, and it made her stiffen even before she opened the box and saw the sparkling diamond bracelet it held. ‘Carter…’ She raised huge eyes to his dark face. ‘Why? I mean it’s not even my birthday.’
‘Do you like it?’ he asked softly.
‘It’s beautiful.’ It was, exquisitely so, but it must also have been wildly expensive. She stared at it helplessly.
‘Then that’s why,’ he said quietly. ‘I wanted to give you a present, that’s all.’
For a second she had the weirdest feeling that a trap was opening up in front of her, a trap with glutinous jaws that having once seized her would never let her go. Her voice shaking, she said, ‘It’s beautiful, but I can’t possibly accept it. It’s…it’s far too much.’
‘Of course it isn’t.’ His tone was quiet but there was steel under it as he sensed she was being more than just polite.
‘Carter—’ she raised panicky eyes to his ‘—I wouldn’t feel right taking such an expensive gift.’
He stared at her for a moment before shaking his head in a way which fully spoke of his bewilderment. ‘You are probably the only woman I have ever met who would say that and mean it,’ he said flatly. ‘With any of the others it would have been a way of playing coy.’
The others. And there had been others, lots of others; he hadn’t tried to fool her about that. Why she suddenly felt such a burning jealousy she didn’t know, but it made her voice sharp. ‘It’s too much,’ she repeated, her cheeks burning but her eyes resolute. ‘I know you meant well but I can’t take it.’
‘It’s nothing.’ His voice was dispassionate now, remote. ‘A trinket. Put it on and let’s forget about it.’
Her mother had always inveigled presents out of her lovers. A memory she didn’t even know she had surfaced, that of her father holding aloft a gold watch, still in its box, and shouting at her mother, asking where she had got it from. And her mother, eyes flashing and mouth taut, snarling that it was none of his business, that if he wouldn’t buy her nice things there were others who would. She didn’t remember her mother being around after that, so she guessed that must have been about the time she had walked out on them both.
‘It’s not a trinket.’ She was very pale now in sharp contrast to a moment before. ‘It’s a beautiful bracelet and I don’t want you to think I’m not grateful—’
‘But?’ His voice was calm, too calm.
‘But I can’t accept it.’ Her voice was resolute.
He swore, and his muttered oath had all the power of a shout. ‘What’s so wrong about my giving you a gift?’ he asked after a moment or two when she saw him take visible control of himself. ‘For crying out loud, Liberty, what?’
Nothing and everything. She couldn’t explain to him because she didn’t understand herself.
Carter checked the urge to step forward and shake her until she saw sense, and instead steadied his voice to a hard, cold flatness. He held out his hand and when she returned the box to him he slipped it in his jacket pocket, saying, ‘It’s forgotten, okay? It never happened. Now, shall we go and join the others?’ he suggested icily, turning from her.
This was awful, terrible. She had ruined the party for him and he had been so pleased he was giving his parents the wedding reception they’d never had. And Jennifer and Adam; it would take the edge off everything. She didn’t know what to say or do to make things better. ‘Carter, I’m sorry.’
He shrugged. ‘Like I said, forget it. I have. Now, if you are ready we’d better go down. They’ll be waiting.’
When she didn’t answer or move he turned back with an abrupt movement which spoke of irritation. Then, as he noticed the gleam of tears he became still, and this time when he swore it was soft and desperate but his arms had reached out to enfold her into him. They stood quite still for what seemed like an eternity. She could feel his heart thudding and the smell and bigness of his muscled body enveloped all her senses to the point where she would have given the world to remain for ever in his embrace.
‘It’s not you, or…or the bracelet.’ Her voice came muffled from against his chest. ‘I can’t explain.’
‘I’m not asking for explanations.’
She raised her head, her eyes locking with his. ‘Yes, you are,’ she said softly, ‘and you have every right to. It’s a wonderful gift. Anyone would be thrilled to receive it.’
He stared at her, aware they were at a crossroads and not knowing what to do or say to get guidance for the right road. The logical male side of him wanted to sit her down and force her to confront her gremlins so they could be done with all the messing around, but something inside told him he couldn’t rush her. Nevertheless, he felt something of a shock tactic was owed him. ‘How do you see your mother, Liberty?’ he asked quietly, seeing the recoil in her eyes but tilting her chin to meet his eyes when she would have looked away. ‘As a person, as a human being, I mean. Because this is all linked with her, isn’t it? This is another piece of the jigsaw.’
He thought she would refuse to answer but after a moment she nodded, her eyes misted with tears.
‘So, how do you see her? Forget she’s your mother for a minute and tell me what you see.’
‘A black widow spider.’
It was so soft he could barely hear the whisper but it said more than talking half the night would have done. Carter found he needed to think about this one. ‘Do you need to do anything to your make-up before we go down?’ he asked tactfully, without mentioning the smudges under her eyes.
Liberty nodded and sniffed. ‘I won’t be a minute.’
She was five but he wasn’t counting.

CHAPTER EIGHT
THE evening went like clockwork, but then Carter had paid a great deal of money to make sure it did. Liberty stood enclosed within Carter’s arm with his parents and Jennifer and Adam to welcome the guests as they arrived, and it was clear to everyone that her daughter’s engagement was the icing on the cake as far as Carter’s mother was concerned.
They were such a close-knit family, Liberty thought, and there was no doubt that Mary Blake was the axis around which the others revolved. Her husband was clearly as much in love with her as he’d ever been, and Carter and Jennifer adored her too. Which was right and proper, she knew that, but she just found it all a little too good to be true. Which was horrible, she acknowledged silently, because she didn’t think they were putting on an act, far from it. This was family as it should be.
After everyone had arrived, the six of them took their places at the top table and both Carter and Jennifer gave a speech in honour of their parents. Both children’s words were moving and Liberty found she was blinking back tears through it all, the feeling of being outside with her nose pressed up against the window-pane stronger than ever. Which was her fault, totally her fault, she reasoned, because she only had to say the word and she could be in this wonderful family.
But for how long? a little voice deep inside whispered in her ear. You don’t think it would last, do you? You don’t think a man like Carter wouldn’t realise in time he’d made a mistake? How long would it take him to conclude you are nothing special, just an ordinary woman who can never be what he really wants you to be? A woman who would let him down…
After the speeches the five-course meal was enjoyed with relish, the buzz of conversation and sound of laughter from all the tables dotted around the vast room confirming everyone was having a great time.
Mary and Paul took the floor for the first dance amid much cheering and whooping by those present, and as the champagne continued to flow everyone let their hair down with gusto. The dance floor was constantly buzzing.
Liberty had been introduced to everyone by Carter as they had stood in the line-up at the beginning of the evening; now he made sure they had plenty of dances together without interruption. He danced wonderfully. She felt she was floating in his arms half the time and, as always when she let her senses rule her mind, she felt she’d died and gone to heaven as he held her close. She felt she didn’t want the evening to end.
It was close to midnight and they were just returning to the table preparatory to sampling the magnificent hot buffet which had been brought in to be served on the stroke of twelve, when Adam appeared at their side. ‘Jennifer’s exhausted,’ he whispered, gesturing to the far edge of the room where Carter’s sister was sitting in one of the comfy sofas apparently fast asleep. ‘I’m taking her up to her room.’
Carter and Liberty followed him across to where Jennifer sat, Carter’s face wry as he looked down at his sibling. ‘Jen is also a little the worse for wear,’ he murmured dryly, and then, glancing at Adam’s flushed face, he added, ‘Do you want Liberty and I to help you with her?’
‘I can look after her,’ Adam said, yawning widely.
‘Who’s going to be looking after you while you’re looking after her?’ Carter enquired caustically.
‘Very funny.’ Adam yawned again, and then, as Jennifer opened bleary eyes, said, ‘Come on, Jen, let’s go up.’
‘I’ve said goodnight to Mum and Dad,’ Jennifer said to Carter as Adam helped her to her feet. ‘I’m just dead beat what with not sleeping last night and then all the excitement today. I can’t keep my eyes open now.’
‘I don’t suppose the copious champagne helped much either,’ Carter said with brotherly frankness.
Jennifer giggled tiredly. ‘Not much,’ she agreed, ‘but it was nice. Wonderful, in fact. The best night of my life.’
Carter smiled back, his voice soft as he bent and placed a kiss on her cheek. ‘Sleep well, infant.’
‘Thank you, big bruv.’ Jennifer stood on tiptoe and kissed him.
Jennifer was thanking him for more than his last words and they all knew it and the part he had played in getting his sister and her beloved together.
The music had turned soft and dreamy as they returned to the dance floor after the buffet. Already, couples were starting to take their leave, Carter’s parents having left just after Jennifer and Adam.
Liberty didn’t want the magic to stop. With morning would come the return into the real world. All she wanted now was his arms around her, his kisses, the magical feeling that they were in a place where thought and reason didn’t exist.
They were almost the last to leave at two in the morning. The band had long since departed, just a lone piano player continuing to play for the couples smooching on the dance floor.
Liberty saw Carter tip him handsomely as she collected her bag from the table. Then Carter joined her, his jacket slung over his arm as he hugged her to his side as they walked out of the room towards the lifts. ‘Enjoyed it?’ he asked smokily as they stepped into the little box. Then, as the doors glided shut, he didn’t wait for an answer, taking her into his arms and kissing her until there was only Carter in all the universe. ‘You taste sweet,’ he murmured, ‘like honey.’
‘It’s more likely to be champagne,’ she whispered dreamily just as the doors opened at their floor. The corridor was absolutely silent, their footsteps muffled by the thick carpeting as they walked to Liberty’s door.
‘It’s been a special evening.’
He smiled at her as he spoke and she thought how good he was not to harbour even a shred of resentment over the bracelet. She lifted her hand and touched his hard face, which was already slightly prickly under her fingers although she knew he’d been freshly shaved when he came to her room earlier. He was an incredibly virile man; even his beard grew twice as quickly as anyone else’s. ‘Carter,’ she whispered, ‘please kiss me.’
He put his mouth to hers, lightly stroking her lips open before he plunged swiftly into the undefended territory with his tongue, fuelling the wild surge of sensation that exploded inside her with consummate ease. His thighs were hard against hers as she clung to him, her body welcoming his touch as he stroked her breasts over the soft fine silk of her gown, teasing her nipples into hard peaks with the soft pads of his thumbs.
He made a harsh sound in his throat, and she was only half-aware of his hands moving over her shoulders, of the search for the key to open the dress at the nape of her neck. ‘It hasn’t got a zip.’ Her voice was breathless as she came up for air. ‘It goes over my head.’
He was breathing hard, and it was a moment before he said, ‘Even your clothes conspire against me.’
The exchange had been enough to break the spiralling desire and, as he took a step backwards from her saying, ‘Sleep well, Aphrodite,’ Liberty didn’t know if she wanted to laugh or cry.
In the event she did neither. ‘Thank you for a lovely evening, Carter. And…and I’m sorry about the bracelet.’
He acknowledged the words with a twist to his mouth and a little salute, before turning as she put her key in the lock and stepped into the room.
Liberty had shut the door and taken several steps towards the bed before she realised it was occupied. Adam was laying fully dressed and sound asleep on the top of the covers, Jennifer being nothing more than a snuggled mound under the duvet in her own bed. Jennifer’s dress was lying on the chair by the bed but there was no sign of her underwear. He had obviously helped her off with her dress before collapsing on the other bed, Liberty thought indulgently, walking across to him and taking him by the shoulder as she whispered, ‘Adam? Adam, wake up.’
There was absolutely no response apart from a most unromantic snore. She tried again, and then again, her efforts becoming louder and more violent as he slept through them all. After she had all but bellowed in his ear, Liberty accepted defeat, standing back and glaring down at him.
Great. Just great. Tolerance and understanding had long since flown out of the window. What was she going to do now?
The answer came by a cautious knock at her door. When she opened it, Carter said, ‘I seem to be missing a groom.’
‘He’s here.’ Liberty flung the door wide and her voice was not quiet. ‘In my bed. And he’s not budging.’
‘On it,’ Carter corrected, grinning.
‘Whatever.’ She glared at him as though it was his fault. ‘And I can’t wake him.’
‘You won’t.’ Carter was complacent. ‘When he’s like this he’ll sleep through anything. When we were eighteen a bunch of us on a boating holiday tied up on a jetty near here on the Broads at high tide. We’d visited a few pubs that evening—’ his tone suggested it was more than a few ‘—and we didn’t allow any slack in the ropes. The tide went down and the boat was held at an angle of thirty degrees out of the water. Things were sliding and crashing, and Adam finished up out of his bed sleeping halfway up the wall. He slept through it all. Never knew a thing about it.’
Liberty eyed him grimly. ‘Is that supposed to be helpful?’
‘I’m just telling it how it was.’
She sent him a quick but lethal glance before looking towards the bed again. ‘Can’t you carry him to your room?’ she asked plaintively. ‘A fireman’s lift or something?’
Yes, he could. But he wasn’t going to get another opportunity like this one. It was gift-wrapped. ‘Hardly,’ he murmured reproachfully. ‘He’s a big lad at six foot two, and he’ll be a dead weight the way he is now.’
She hadn’t stamped her foot since she was a child but she stamped it now. ‘Where do I sleep? In the bath?’
‘Of course not.’ He sounded shocked. ‘There’s a spare bed in my room, isn’t there? Perfect solution.’
For whom? She stared at him. ‘I don’t think so.’
‘Why ever not?’ He was all innocence and reason.
‘Because…’ She didn’t know quite how to put it into words and finished up staring at him somewhat helplessly.
‘Liberty, we’re two adult people,’ he said patiently. ‘The beds in this room are occupied and will stay that way till morning. The beds in my room are vacant. One for you and one for me. What could be more obvious?’
Put like that, nothing, but then Carter was in the equation.
‘Of course, if you can’t trust yourself not to keep your hands off me,’ he said sadly, ‘I understand.’
Arrogant swine. It was perfectly true, as it happened—she didn’t trust herself, but he was still an arrogant swine for suggesting it, even if it was said tongue in cheek.
‘Not at all,’ she said with cold dignity.
‘Well, then?’ He smiled at her, a very normal, almost big brother type of smile. ‘Problem solved, surely? You just bring what you need for the night and we’ll let these two sleep it off. They have had a very big day,’ he added fondly, almost as though she was the wicked despot in objecting to her bed being taken in the first place.
Liberty found herself between the devil and the deep blue sea. She couldn’t sleep on the floor or in the bath, but there were far too many alarm bells ringing for comfort.
‘Liberty?’ He was looking at her as though she was crazy not to fall in with his suggestion. Maybe she was. Her brain was racing, and she couldn’t see the wood for the trees.
‘Okay,’ she said at last. ‘I’ll get my night things.’
She was faintly reassured by the casual way he said, ‘Fine. Come along when you’re ready and don’t forget to bring your key so you can get back in here in the morning.’
Carter’s exit at this point was strategic and he admitted it to himself as he walked along the corridor to his own room, leaving the door ajar so Liberty could walk in. She was blocking him in every way, refusing to even try to escape the tight strangehold her mother had put on her emotions and ability to trust and love and feel.
He knew if he had her in his bed he could take her heavenwards. When he kissed her she melted like wax in his arms. At those times there was only truth between them, and the truth was that she wanted him every bit as much as he wanted her. Damn it, he wasn’t asking for sex and sex alone. He wanted commitment, he’d told her that, and everything that went in the bag with it. Maybe it was time to rethink his strategy?
Every time he thought they’d made a step forward over the last weeks, there had been another step backwards. Her defences were so strong it could take years for her to trust him. And he didn’t want to wait years. He didn’t think he could stand it. She was forcing him to use the weapon against which she had no defence. Sex. The solution to their problem had been handed to him on a plate tonight and he wasn’t going to let the opportunity go unheeded. He loved her, for crying out loud. What more did she want?
Liberty’s heart was hammering painfully as she knocked on the half-open door of Carter’s room. When there was no answer she peered round the door, only to find the bedroom empty. He must be in the bathroom.
She walked in tentatively, literally on tiptoe, and then, as she heard the unmistakable sound of the shower, she relaxed slightly, glancing nervously round the room.
It was clear which bed was Carter’s. His evening jacket and trousers were slung across the cover in typical male disregard, the cover rumpled as though he had sat on it to remove his socks and shoes. Which he might have.
Liberty found her hand was at her throat and she forced herself to walk across to the other bed as though this was a perfectly ordinary night. She sat on the very edge of the bed clutching her nightie, robe and shower bag to her chest, before she forced herself to relax her fingers and lay the clothes across her lap.
The sounds from the bathroom ceased and every muscle in her body tightened.
‘Hi there.’ Carter’s voice was casual as he strolled into the bedroom, a towel wrapped low around his lean hips and his thickly muscled torso gleaming like oiled silk. ‘I didn’t hear you come in.’
‘You were in the shower,’ Liberty said faintly.
‘Right.’ He nodded, his eyes narrowing as they watched her. ‘I thought I’d go in first and leave the way clear for you when you came along.’
She found it impossible to respond with any naturalness with the sight of acres and acres of bare male flesh in front of her, merely bobbing her head in the fashion of the toy dogs seen in the backs of cars. Did he sleep naked? It appeared so. She didn’t think she could handle this situation.
‘So if you want to go in now?’ he pressed, waving his hand towards the en suite bathroom as she continued to sit like a fascinated rabbit in front of the snake about to devour it.
‘Thank you.’ She shot to her feet, dropping her nightie onto the floor and then whisking it up and almost falling over in the process. She regained her balance without looking at Carter again, disappearing into the bathroom and shutting the door. Should she lock it? She gazed at the door as though it was going to answer her. If she did it would look as though she didn’t trust him not to behave like the worse peeping Tom; if she didn’t he might assume she was offering an invitation for him to join her.
Her peace of mind overrode any consideration of Carter’s feelings, and once she had locked the door she leant against it, weak-kneed. It took a minute or two for her heartbeat to return to normal, but once it had she asked herself why she was reacting like this anyway. Hadn’t she been thinking that sleeping with him might sort out a few issues one way or the other? Maybe she should look on this as an act of fate? But she wasn’t ready. The last word was a groan. It was all very well to imagine sleeping with Carter in the cold light of day, but quite different when the actual reality presented itself.
Take a shower. Undress and take a shower and behave normally. She grabbed at the mundane, pulling the dress over her head with scant regard for its fragility and cost and quickly divesting herself of her bra and panties. Once in the shower she tried to relax but found her nerves were as taut as piano wire, and the warm water flowing over her limbs didn’t help one bit. She was just as tense when she’d finished.
After wrapping a bath sheet round her, she opened her shower bag and brought out her cleanser and eye makeup removing pads. The nightly routine helped a little and once her face was scrubbed clean she donned her nightie, looking at her squeaky-clean reflection in the mirror.
Maybe he would be asleep when she went into the bedroom? The thought mocked her. This was Carter. There was no way he would be asleep; neither would he pretend to be in aid of her modesty. It wasn’t his style.
He didn’t. ‘I thought you might like a glass of water?’ He was crouching by the little fridge in the room as she entered, the towel having been replaced by black silk pyjama bottoms. It should have been an improvement but the overall impact was so sensational it wasn’t.
Liberty stared; she couldn’t help it. The flagrant masculinity was too fascinating. The hair on his muscled chest narrowed to a thin line which disappeared into the pyjamas and his arms looked hard and powerful. He was lean and tanned and there wasn’t an ounce of surplus flesh on him.
She licked her dry lips and saw the silver-grey eyes follow the movement. ‘Th…thank you.’
‘Sparkling or still?’ he said offhandedly.
‘What?’ She heard the words but somehow they didn’t register.
‘The water,’ he said patiently. ‘Sparkling or still?’
‘Oh, still, please.’ She hoped she didn’t scramble into bed but it felt like it.
‘They’re going to feel pretty embarrassed when they wake up in the morning.’ He straightened, two bottles of water in his hands. ‘Or Adam is at least, taking your bed like that.’
‘What?’ Oh, stop saying what, for goodness’ sake, she told herself scathingly. You sound like the worst sort of imbecile.
‘Adam and Jen.’ He moved with animal grace, she noted, something catlike in the easy stride of his body. ‘I’ll get you a glass.’ He placed the bottle of water on her bedside cabinet before disappearing into the bathroom for two glasses. She swallowed hard. Get a grip, Libby, she told herself faintly.
The main overhead light had already been off when she had entered the bedroom, a warm glow from a small table lamp in the corner of the room the only illumination. Hopefully the mellow light was flattering, she thought suddenly, and when that other section of her mind asked if it was important, she answered sharply in the affirmative. She wanted to look desirable to him, she wanted—Oh, she didn’t know what she wanted. And then Carter walked out of the bathroom and she did. And how.
‘How is it you look more beautiful fresh out of the shower without any paint on your face?’ he asked softly. ‘How do you do that?’
She looked at him, at the deep, dark glitter in his eyes and she knew what he wanted. She wanted it too. ‘Do I?’ she answered just as softly.
‘Ravishingly so.’ He placed the glass beside the bottle and then sat down on the edge of her bed. ‘Do you know how much I want you?’ he murmured. ‘Have you any idea?’
She didn’t prevaricate. ‘I think so,’ she said huskily, ‘if it’s anything like I want you.’
It surprised him, she could tell, but then she couldn’t blame him for being taken aback. He must think she played hot and cold, and perhaps she did, but not intentionally. Never that. She was as bemused as he was half the time.
The last thread of self-preservation reared its head, asking her what she was doing in giving herself to this man. It went against everything she had told herself since she had met him, but somehow, tonight, none of that mattered. She didn’t want to be sensible and careful and logical. She wanted—She wanted Carter. Even if it was just this once.
‘I feel I’ve known you from the beginning of time,’ he whispered against her mouth as he bent his head. ‘Crazy, isn’t it? I feel you’ve always been a part of me.’
She made no answer because his lips had moved over hers in a delicate kiss that was starting a quiver deep inside. She reached out, wrapping her arms round his neck, relishing the clean scent of his skin and the firmness of the muscled flesh beneath her fingers.
For a while he simply kissed and stroked her, his hands roaming over her body in gentle, tender caresses which nevertheless evoked a whirlwind of sensation, heating her blood and causing the quiver to spread to a trembling in her limbs she couldn’t control.
She had closed her eyes, the shadowed darkness adding to the feeling she was in a world she had never been to before, a world where sweet, sensuous pleasure was the master and she was a willing servant. Time had ceased to exist.
An urgency was growing inside her and it burnt up all her inhibitions and doubts. They could have this, she thought, for as long as it lasted, for as long as he wanted her. It wouldn’t last, of course, it couldn’t. Real life wasn’t like that. And she wasn’t going to fool herself or think in terms of marriage or anything like that. That was too much commitment, too much trust. And when it went wrong the ripples affected so many people that it was devastating. But just being together, maybe even living together, perhaps she could handle that? That way, when it finished, it was just a quiet decision between two grown-up people. And she would survive afterwards. People did, however broken up they felt.
At some point he had laid her back on the pillows, lying down beside her, propped on one elbow as his mouth and other hand continued their sensual exploration. Now, as she felt him gently peel back her nightdress, exposing the twin peaks of her breasts, she shuddered with mingled pleasure and apprehension, hoping she was beautiful to him, good enough for him. And then she couldn’t believe the sensations he drew forth.
She opened her eyes, reaching up to him again as she said, ‘I want you to make love to me. I want us to be together for as long as you want me.’
His mouth had been fierce and hungry just moments before but as she finished speaking he froze, lying very still for an endless moment. His eyes were the only living entity in the shadowed darkness of his face, their grey depths glittering and hot. Then, without warning, he rolled off the bed and stood to his feet, looking down at her with the strangest expression twisting his countenance.
‘What is it?’ She felt a bolt of fear. What had she said? What had she done? ‘Carter, what’s the matter?’
He said nothing for a second or two but she saw he was breathing hard and his body was betraying the extent of his desire. Then he backed to the other bed, sitting down as though he had to put some space between them.
‘Carter?’ she said again. ‘What have I done?’
‘I’m not going to let it happen like this.’
She stared at him, unable to take in that he had really stopped. Then she dragged the nightdress over her breasts, her eyes wretched and her face flaming. He didn’t want her.
He waited until she had squirmed under the duvet and pulled it tight against her before he said, ‘I thought I could do this but it isn’t right, not with you. Not now.’
Her mouth was trembling but she was determined not to cry in front of him. ‘I don’t know what you mean.’
‘I know, that’s the trouble.’ His voice came sharp and curt.
For the first time she saw the anger on his face and she shrank from it. ‘All through that—’ he gestured to the bed ‘—you were still holding out on me, weren’t you? Oh, not physically, I don’t mean that, but in your head, where it really matters. You just don’t trust I’m being honest with you.’
‘I…I wasn’t.’ She had to stop her teeth from chattering and it took enormous will, making her voice flat. ‘I spoke the truth; I do want you. I—’ she hesitated and then knew she had to say it now because she would never have the courage again ‘—I love you.’
‘But you don’t trust me. You don’t trust that I’ll be there for you come what may, that this is going to last a lifetime. You don’t believe that, do you?’
‘No one can possibly say that for sure,’ she whispered desperately. ‘No one. Not you, not Jennifer and Adam—’
‘Yes, they can.’ He stared at her unblinkingly. ‘I knew it the moment I clapped eyes on you. I love you, damn it. I love you so much it’s driving me crazy.’
‘If you really felt like that you wouldn’t have stopped,’ she said brokenly, saying exactly what was in her heart without caring how it sounded.
‘It’s because I feel like that I stopped,’ he said softly, ‘you mixed up, crazy nutcase, you. I don’t want an affair with you, Liberty, I never have. I’ve had enough of those to last me a lifetime and they were fine then because the women weren’t you. I want to marry you, damn it. Do you understand? I want to know you are my wife and I am your husband, that we’ve promised to forsake all others for the rest of our lives. Old-fashioned words maybe, and I’d be the first to admit I never thought I was an old-fashioned guy, but I hadn’t met you then. I want children—’ he saw her recoil but he went on ‘—and everything that comes with married life. Togetherness, waking up beside each other for the next umpteen years, growing old together, watching our grandchildren play in the sunshine—’
‘I can’t do all that. I’m not that person.’
‘The hell you’re not.’ His eyes flashed his anger. ‘That’s exactly who you are. I know, in here—’ he touched his chest above his heart ‘—because I know you better than you know yourself.’
‘You don’t.’ She shook her head, her hair covering her cheeks like a veil and hiding her face from him. ‘We’ve only known each other five minutes—’
‘Long enough for you to ask me to make love to you,’ he said with deliberate brutality, knowing he was fighting for his life here. ‘Tell me you’ve done that with some other man in the past. Tell me you’ve even been tempted to think of it with another guy.’
There was no answer and she didn’t move.
‘You can’t because it wouldn’t be true. You know me, Liberty. You know me as the other part of you. Your body recognised it but you won’t allow your brain to acknowledge it.’
‘My mother uses sex as a weapon.’ The words were very flat but he still had the feeling they were being torn out of her from somewhere so deep inside that blood was flowing. ‘She always has, all her life. She’s broken hearts and wrecked families, and all she’s had to do is to lift her little finger and make it clear she’s willing and the next sucker would fall in line. I don’t want that to happen to me.’
‘Are you saying you don’t want to be like her or you’re worried someone like her will come along and ruin what we have?’ he asked, trying to understand.
‘Whichever, both. Oh, I don’t know…’ She wasn’t expressing this very well and she had to make him see. Had to make him understand that she could never give him all he wanted.
‘Your mother’s messed up her own life and plenty of others, I accept that, but don’t let her mess up yours.’ His voice was inscrutable but she didn’t raise her head to look at him. ‘She’s convinced you the only kind of intimacy that survives is a sexual one. You don’t trust men to withstand a come-on and you don’t trust yourself that what you feel can last.’
She didn’t deny it; she couldn’t.
‘So where does your father fit in with this?’ Carter asked quietly. ‘With your own mouth you’ve declared he waited for this Joan for years and years, and to your knowledge he hasn’t played around.’
Her father was special. She twisted in the bed, knowing if she said that it would be like pouring petrol on the flames of his anger.
He seemed to sense what she couldn’t say. ‘Okay, your father is your father,’ he said wryly after a minute or two. ‘Probably not the best example in the world. What about my dad, though? You only have to see him with my mother to know he thinks she is the best thing since sliced bread and they’ve always been like that, believe me.’
But she wasn’t Mary Blake. Whatever Carter’s mother had to keep her husband’s devotion, it didn’t follow that she had the same thing, did it? In fact, she was sure she didn’t. If her own mother could choose to walk out on her and be ******* to see her rarely—and then mainly to pick fault and criticise—it didn’t bode well for a future partner, surely?
Liberty recognised the inconsistency in that reasoning even as she thought it, but it was a head acknowledgement, not a heart one.
‘So where do we go from here, Liberty?’ Carter asked after a moment or two. ‘I’m damned if I’ll have a casual, open-ended relationship with you, not only because it’s not what you need but because I’d end up tearing myself apart with jealousy every minute you were out of my sight.’
She did look up then. Under the anger and pain there had been a note of dry humour. ‘I don’t know,’ she said shakily, her face damp from the tears she had been hiding.
‘Do you want to finish it here? To walk away?’
‘No.’ She hadn’t had to think about the answer.
‘But it’s all got to be on your terms, that’s what you’re saying. If I want any sort of future with you it will be one of no commitment, no trust and no possibility of marriage and children. Is that right?’ He was going out on a limb here and he knew it, but he had to make her see how damn unreasonable she was being.
She swallowed, looking at him searchingly, but his face was giving nothing away and she couldn’t see his eyes clearly in the dim light. She loved him so. She loved him more than she would have thought it possible to ever love anyone or anything. If she agreed with what he had just stated he might well tell her he wasn’t falling in with her terms and they were finished. But she couldn’t lie or promise she would marry him either.
She put her hand to her eyes, pressing at her eyeballs with her thumb and finger in an effort to clear her mind. She couldn’t think clearly; her thoughts were churning about in such a way she couldn’t get a grasp on anything. She wished everything was as clear as it had been before she had met him. She had known what she wanted then, had known how her life was going to progress. It had all been in order with no emotion clouding the framework of the years. Now her emotions were master of her thinking and paralysed her reasoning process.
And over it all was fear. Fear that she might lose him, fear that things would go wrong, fear he would ask more of her than she was capable of, fear his love would slowly begin to ebb and die. But the biggest fear, the real daddy of them all, was the dread that he might persuade her to forget everything and give him that inner core of herself. Then the last fragment of self-protection would be gone and she would become utterly vulnerable.
‘I…I would be committed to you for as long as we stayed together,’ she said quietly, knowing she was skirting the issue but unable to say anything else. ‘I don’t want an open-ended relationship any more than you do.’
‘So it would be monogamous, this…being together which isn’t quite being together? Until, of course, one of us wants out?’ he added with acidic softness. ‘And what if neither of us wants out, ever? We miss out on family life, kids, grandchildren, the whole caboodle?’
Put like that it did sound crazy, but he was so clever with words and she felt so muddled and tired. ‘I don’t know,’ she muttered helplessly. ‘Don’t you see? I don’t know.’
There was absolute silence for a moment or two. ‘Go to sleep, Liberty,’ he said very quietly. ‘It’s late.’
Go to sleep? Was he mad? A short mirthless laugh escaped her. ‘Funny, but I don’t think I can,’ she said weakly, watching him as he swung his legs into bed and turned on his side away from her.
‘Try.’
It was mordant and he had clearly finished talking. Liberty plumped her pillows, bashing them with far more severity than was needed and feeling she wanted to shout and scream and cry. Go to sleep, he had said. As though they had been talking about colour charts or their favourite books or some such trivia. Men were a different species.
She lay in rigid silence in the bed for some minutes, willing herself not to move and even swallowing only when she had to. She was sure he was lying awake across the room and it was the only comfort she felt. After what was probably some fifteen minutes she became aware of steady breathing from across the way, and when this was accompanied by a definite little intake of breath followed by the tiniest snore, she faced the inescapable fact that the unfeeling so-and-so had gone to sleep.
How could he? The hot sting of tears wouldn’t be denied any longer and she let them have free rein, surreptitiously wiping her face with the back of her hand after a while just in case his sleep was feigned. But it wasn’t. As he mumbled something and then turned onto his back she felt like going across and thumping him.
After another ten minutes she got out of bed and turned off the lamp in the corner of the room, knowing she would never sleep while it was on. Then she had a drink of water, slid down in bed again and lay in tense wakefulness, going over and over everything that had been said until her head felt as if it was bursting.
After that came a period of numbness but she was still no nearer to drifting off when early morning light began to filter stealthily into the room. She opened her eyes, turning on her side to look across at Carter as dawn broke more fully.
He was sound asleep and lying on his stomach, the duvet down to his waist. His face was turned towards her, one of his hands cupping the side of his head and the other spread out palm down on his pillow. His black hair was rumpled, a lock falling across his forehead in a way that would never be allowed when he was awake. For a second she could see the boy in him.
She stared at him and then quietly slid out of bed, moving silently to his side. She studied him for a long time, a luxury not possible normally.
The rugged, slightly harsh face was softer in sleep, the firm mouth more relaxed, although his determined chin and aquiline nose gave up none of their severity. It was a strong face, a face which spoke of experience and life, and frighteningly attractive.
Her brows came together as she tried to rationalise how he had managed to become so important to her in such a short time. When she had first met him she had tried to tell herself that the attraction was purely physical, but within days she’d had to admit it was more than that. She was more drawn to this man than anyone else she had met in her life. He had taken her heart. In spite of all her efforts to hang on to it, he had taken her heart and made it his own. And the fact that he said he loved her, that he had actually spoken of marriage and roses round the door, should make her the happiest woman in the world, shouldn’t it? So why didn’t it?
He stirred slightly, the muscles in his powerful shoulders and back tensing and then relaxing again as the steady breathing resumed once more.
She couldn’t live without him. She stared down at him for a minute more before dropping a kiss as light as thistledown on his lips and padding back to her own bed. But what if she couldn’t live with him or he, her? What if they tore each other apart like some couples did, what—?
Enough. Aware that she had lost the semblance of peace she had felt when she’d stood looking down at him, she turned over on her side and shut her eyes. Enough thinking for now. She was utterly spent.