Chapter5 did you come back?"Carolyn walked out' of the waiting room and didn't let herself look back. She couldn't begin to explain what had just happened in there, and she honestly couldn't even think about it right now: She had other things to do that had to take precedence over Drew Delaney's return. She looked up to find an old family friend, Dr. Benjamin Moore, coming out of her mother's room, and She took a deep, hopefully steadying breath. She couldn't help but wonder if he'd seen Drew and recognized him, then put everything together. Dr. Moore, the family's doctor for three decades or so, was one of the very few people in town who knew Grace McKay hadn't given birth to the child she called her son. "Carolyn," he said, a smile on his kind, well-lined face, something harder to read in his eyes. "I'm glad you're here. I need to talk to you." One telltale glance at the waiting room--no doubt at Drew, standing in the doorway behind her-Cand the doctor told her all she needed to know. He'd definitely put everything together, and that was going to complicate things greatly. Not that he would tell anyone. Carolyn was sure he wouldn't. That wasn't what was uppermost in Carolyn's mind right now. It was the fact that Dr. Moore had easily put father and son together. How many more people in town had already done the same? And how long before the whole thing got back to Billy? "Billy," she said to the doctor, seeing a way out' of this' awkwardness, at least for a moment. She needed it, to collect herself and try to find a way to, at best, muddle through this. "First, I need to check on Billy." "He's fine. Worried, but other than that, fine. He's watching some kids' show on the television in there, and your mother's sleeping. I decided that more than anything she needed rest, and I've sedated her," "Do you know what's wrong with her yet? Drew said he thought it was her heart." He took her by the elbow and turned her toward the waiting room she'd just left. "Why don't you come and sit down with me for a few minutes?" Carolyn felt the tension in her escalate one more step, to the point where it was certainly near the limit that she could endure. How much worse could this get? She walked with the doctor into the waiting room. Drew was still there, and she felt compelled to introduce the two of them. "We've met," Dr. Moore said, when she started to make the introductions. "Mr. Delaney was telling me about the discussion he and your mother were having when she collapsed." Carolyn sat down hard on the worse-for-wear tweed sofa. The two men took chairs on either side of her. She couldn't look at Drew. She simply couldn't find it in her to face him right now, and she could only imagine the kind of discussion he and her mother had been having. It left her no doubts about the fact that Dr. Moore knew exactly what was going on. "I'm sorry, Carolyn," Drew said. "I never meant for anything like this to happen." She nodded in his direction, her eyes glued to the floor, surprised that he would apologize, all things considered. She'd certainly never thought he'd meant to upset her mother so much that she landed in the hospital. "We don't need to get into this now, all Oght? We will, just not now. All right?" "Of course," he said. Thank God for small mercies, Carolyn thought, then turned to the doctor. "How is she?" "Well, she didn't have a heart attack," he said. "You're sure?" ' "Ruling that out is the easy part. When the heart is damaged, there are certain enzymes that spill into the blood from the damaged heart muscle, and they're easily detected in blood tests. We didn't find any of those in your mother's blood." "So what was it?" Carolyn asked. "I honestly don't know yeL I've ordered some more tests for tomorrow, and we should know more then." "That's it?" Carolyn said. There had to be more than that. She had to be able to tell Billy something. "It may be nothing more than severe stress--some sort of panic attack. That would account for her heart racing, for the shortness of breath, as she got more agitated, even the pain in her chest. It's not uncommon for people to think they're having a heart attack under those conditions. For now, it's best that she rest, so I sedated her. She'll probably sleep through until morning, and then we'll run some more tests." "Just stress?" Carolyn was so relieved. "Now, I don't want you to get the wrong impression," Dr. Moore said. "Stress can do incredible things to people. Her heart rate was dangerously high, as was her blood pressure." ' "Is it serious? Is it a life-threatening thing?" Carolyn asked. "Anytime your heart rate is that high, it's serious." The doctor held up his hands to silence her. "But we don't know what the cause was. The first thing I need to do is run some tests to rule out other physical problems. We'll know more tomorrow, so let's just leave it at that. Anything else I could tell you would be sheer speculation and probably only frighten you needlessly." "She nodded and didn't press further. "Now, I have to go," the doctor said. "If you want to see your mother, that's fine. But, as' I said, she's not going to wake up until tomorrow morning, so you might as well take Billy and go on home." "You'll call us, if there's any... change?" "Of course. Leave your number with the nurses." He rose to go, then turned back to Drew. "Whatever you need from Grace is going to have to wait. She's not up to dealing with this right now. She might not he for a while." Drew nodded. "I'll see if Carolyn and I can't handle it by ourselves." Carolyn closed her eyes and looked away. She and Drew couldn't settle anything without her mother. No doubt he wanted Billy, whether to simply see him on a regular basis or, God forbid, to try for custody--it didn't matter. They couldn't settle anything among themselves, because Carolyn didn't have any rights where Billy was concerned. She'd given those up a very long time ago. Drew must have known she had nearly reached the limit of what she could endure, because he suggested that they all get out of the hospital and go back to her parents' house. "I v~ant to see my mother first, just for a minute," she said, still not looking at him. "Billy's in there," he reminded her. She crossed her arms in front of her and shook her head. Billy. Her mother. Drew. No matter where she turned, it just got worse. Drew must have seen the despair in her face, and amazingly, despite all that she'd done to him, he still had the capacity to be kind to her. It amazed her. He walked over to the sofa where she sat, and stood beside her. One hand went to her back, making small circles there, his touch steadying her, his warmth creeping into her. She fought it with all she had, but the invitation was too much to pass up. He was right there, so solid and so big, so willing to cOmfort her in any way he could. That part still amazed her--that he cared enough to want to comfort her, when she was the one who'd kept this awful secret from him. But she knew what was facing her when they got home. She had to try to explain things to Billy, and then she had to explain them to Drew. How in the world would she ever he able to explain what she'd done to Drew? Her head came down despa'uingly as she struggled for control. Drew took a little step closer, and before she knew what was happening, her face was pressed against one of his thighs. The hand at her back went to her hair, holding her close against him. "We'll deal with it, Carolyn. We'll get through it all. I promise you we will." A few moments later, Carolyn watched, in something of a daze, as Drew crossed the hallway to her mother's room. She heard him lure Billy out with the promise of a soda and a discussion about what kind of take-out food they were going to order for dinner, then left her for a few minutes alone with her mother. Carolyn entered the room and noted how a ~ardiac monitor displayed the now-regular, if slightly fast, beating of her mother's heart. Grace had an IV in her left arm, but that was the extent of the equipment hooked up to her. Her face was terribly pale, and the lines around her eyes were deeper than Carolyn remembered. And she looked so frail. Somehow, frail was one word she'd never associated with her mother. Even after Annie had disappeared, even after her father had died. Maybe it was simply age, Carolyn thought. Although her mother was only forty-seven. She reached out to take her hand. Finding it cool to the touch, she tried to warm it between her own hands. Grace McKay was a good mother. She expected a lot from her children. She wouldn't tolerate back talk or misbehavior, but she was strong and loving and steadfast. Billy had been happy with her. He'd been safe and happy and healthy. What more could a mother want for her child? Carolyn had pondered over that question day after day. Through her work at Hope House, she saw the runaways, the teen prostitutes, the drug addicts, the hopelessly inadequate and terribly young teenage mothers. After seeing the way some children turned out these days, it seemed selfish of her to want more than to know her son was healthy and happy and safe. But she did. She wanted much more than that. She wanted him back. Feeling absolutely overwhelmed, she lowered her head to rest atop her mother's hand, clasped of her own, and considered offering up a prayer, she wasn't sure there was anyone out there to hear it. It Sally 2~yler Hayes 65 came out as nothing more than an incoherent plea for help--for herself, her mother, her son, and his father. Billy and Drew decided on carryout pizza for dinner, and Carolyn was grateful to Drew for going to pick it up himself so that she could have a few minutes alone with Billy. She didn't want to have her talk with him with Drew listening in. She didn't try saying anything to him in the car. Once they got to the house, he headed straight for his room. She gave herself five minutes to formulate some kind of plan for what she would say to him, then followed him. Billy's room was cram-packed with everything an eight-year-old boy could possibly want. An antique electric train set, a skateboard, a computer, an electronic keyboard. She hated to admit that she'd bought all of these and more. She couldn't seem to resist the urge to buy him presents. Right now, he was sprawled out on the floor, in front of the controls to the video game set she'd bought him two Christmases ago. The screen of the TV to which it was attached was alive with color and a flurry of movement as he tried to escape from some evil villain's spaceship "Billy?" she said between blasts of super laser torpedoes. He didn't answer. Carolyn turned off the TV, earning herself a look of pure venom. She winced and tried ~to tell herself that mothers endured things like this all the time, so she ought to be able to take a few without falling apart. Still, she couldn't escape the doubts. What if he found out what she'd done one day, and he hated her for it? How could she endure that? How could she explain? what if Drew made her tell Billy? He might well insist on that very thing tonight, when he returned. How would she handle that? She looked down at her little boy, his defiance fading, his doubts setting in. He was so much like Drew sometimes, she couldn't understand how the whole world didn't know whose child he really was. It was so clear to her in the shape of his body, the slim hips, the long legs, the lanky arms that would be thick with muscles someday. Billy walked over to his dresser and picked up a small picture of her and Annie when they had been close to his age, and bent his head over it. Carolyn tried not to wince at the image of her sweet-spirited, smiling sister. "Do you think Annie's in heaven?" Billy asked, throwing her totally off-balance. Carolyn gave herself a moment to take that in and think about it. What did she really believe? That Annie was dead? Most certainly. That she would go to heaven? Definitely. That there truly was a heaven? A God who let innocent children suffer so? That was where her doubts and her anger started. "I think" -- she chose her words carefully "--that An hie would definitely have gone to heaven." "And my dad?" "Yes," Carolyn said, unable to figure out where this was leading. ' "Do you think Mama wants to go to heaven, too?" had his back to her now, but she knew from his tone of voice that they were close to the crux of the problem. "Someday," Carolyn said. "But she misses them both so much. She's told meso, and I thought, maybe she misses them so much she's decided she wants to go to heaven now, so she could be wit[ them ." ' "Oh, Billy." Carolyn sat down on the edge of his bed, close to him, but not ~touching him. She was suddenly: afraid of touching him. Once she got him in her arms, how would she ever let go. She would never leave you, Billy, not voluntarily, anyway. She loves you so much. " "But she loved them, too. And my dad loved me, bat he's there now. So Mama might go too, right?" Carolyn wanted to make blind reassurances to him that he'd never lose the woman he called his mother, but you couldn't do that to a little boy who'd lost the man he thought of as his father a mere six months before. "I know you're frightened," she said, feeling totally inadequate explaining things to him that she could never begin to understand herself. "I'm frightened, too, Billy. But I talked to the doctor, and he thinks he can make her better. He's running some tests tomorrow, and after that, he thinks he'll understand what happened to her and how to fix it." "Really?" he asked, smothering a sob with the hack of his hand. "Really," Carolyn replied. "Is she going to wake up tomorrow?" "Yes. The only reason she was asleep tonight was because the doctor gave her some medicine to help her rest." "Honest?" "Honest." "I was scared when she wouldn't wake up." He'd made a quarter turn to the side now, so she could see the tear tracks on his face, the stubborn set of his jaw that showed he was still not ready to forgive her. "It-scared me, too," Carolyn said. "And if she never woke up..." He lost it then. His precious little face crinkled upin a superhuman effort to hold it back, but he lost it. Billy started sobbing. Stubbornly he stayed where he was, in the middle of the room, neither inviting nor rejecting her touch. His back rigid, his eyes overflowing, he haltingly told her the rest. "If she never woke up... I don't know... What would happen to me?" Carolyn dropped to her knees in front of him, then, amazingly, found herself having to look up at him from this height. It was. amazing how fast he'd grown. Surely it hadn't b~n that long ago that she could do this and be at eye l~vel with him. "Billy?" She took his hand and made herself smil~ back at him instead of crying. "If anything ever happened to Mama, you'd have me." He practically snarled at her through his ~ars, the little boy inside him warring with the little man who wouldn't Wear his heart on his sleeve. "You haven't even been here lately" he sobbed, the hurt coming through now, rather than the anger. "Not b~ause I haven't wanted to be here." "You're a grown-up, and grown-ups can do anything they want." "Oh, Billy, you've got a lot to learn about being a grown-up. I most definitely cannot do whatever I want." "May!~;" he conceded, "but if you wanted to be here, you could have." Carolyn want~ to be as honest with him as poss~le. But she couldn't tell him everything. Not tonight. And ~ didn't think she could ever t~ll him about this awful tug-of-war she felt caught in with her mother. She loved woman, but she envied her, as well. Grace McKay had Billy, Carolyn didn't think she ever would. She didn't have the right, not after all these years. She knew that, but it didn't stop the yearning for him. No doubt her mother felt threatened by Carolyn's fee~- ~ ings, and she was very vulnerable at this point so soon after losing her husband. Her mother hadn't tually ordered Carolyn to stay away, but it had been clear she wouldn't be welcomed, either. She couldn't explain any of that to Billy. Carolyn sighed as she stared at him. "I love much, Billy." That touched a nerve. away, but got all choked up instead, which made all over again. "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings because I haven't been here as much as I should have these last few months. I never thought you'd think that you couldn't count on me, or that I didn't care about you anymore." He shrugged it off, as if it meant nothing to him. Eight-year-old boys were like that at times, especially when they were trying hard to live up to someone's idea of what a man should or shouldn't do. Crying, hugging, talking about their feelings, all were right up there at the top of the list of things not to do. Carolyn knew that. It was the only reason she didn't have him in her arms right now. She settled for wiping one little curl off his forehead and felt rewarded when he didn't pull back. "And if you ever need me, I'll be here for you? Billy. You won't ever have to be all alone in this world." Drew brought back pizza, and they ate it. They called the hospital once more, to find Grace McKay's condition unchanged, and then Carolyn put Billy to bed. She walked back. into the living room, found it empty but the front door open, then walked out onto the front porch. Drew was standing in the shadows by one of the support columns,. smoking a cigarette, the end glowing a bright reddish orange in the darkness. "Going to lecture me about my nasty habits?" he said easily. "No," she Said, trying not to concentrate too hard on how incredible he looked now that she had a moment to study him. She'd always known he'd make a handsome man someday, but she hadn't been prepared for this, He still had the mustache and the beard, but they were slim and trim these days, framing his face in a very elegant way. And his hair was still as thick, still curly, but he wore it fairly short and brushed back from his face. He had on a sleek, dark suit, instead of the jeans, boots and black leather jacket that had once made him look so dangerous on his motorcycle. But she still remembered the bike, remembered hanging on to him as they sped through the streets. She remembered it all so well, and seeing him now seemed to have brought all these old adolescent feelings roaring back to life inside her. The excitement, the magic, the intensity of falling in love for the first time. It all came back so vividly now. She couldn't help but let her eyes trail over that tall, sleek body of his, encased in that formfitting dark brown suit. She knew the shoulders were broad, the arms strong and muscular, the hands gentle. If she closed her eyes, she could remember the feel of his body lying atop hers. She could feel the fine sheen of sweat on his back, the slightly rough feel of his thighs 'intertwined with hers, the intensity of the look in his beautiful brown eyes as they'd stared down at her. Once, he'd meant the whole world to her. He'd been the only thing in her universe that was safe and solid and sure. And then he'd left her, devastated her, at the time when she needed him most. If only he'd stayed. She'd thought about it again and again, playing fantasy games with herself. Her and Drew and Billy together in a million different places throughout the yearn, so happy they could hardly stand it. She'd imagined it so many times, and now, here they were, together--except it wasn't anything like her dreams "Old Mrs. Watson still on the corner?" he asked, cigarette glowing bright as he took a drag. Carolyn turned toward the brick house on the left. "Of course." Some things never changed. "She's watching us," he said, obviously amused. forgotten that--the way people in little towns think theft right to know everything about everyone else's business. Wonder if she's figured out who I am yet. " "If she hasn't, she will soon enough. She won't give up until she knows. Besides, I'm sure some people recognized you at the hospital this afternoon, and Mrs. Watson has connections all over town." Carolyn was already resigned to the fact that they'd be the talk of the town by morning. Drew finished the cigarette and disposed of it in the empty soda can he'd set on the porch railing. He picked it up now and turned toward her, then replaced the can and gave her a look that could have melted butter. Though he was two whole steps away, she could feel the power he still had over her. She was aware of him with every fiber of her being. She wondered if he could possibly feel that, too. It amazed her. Her whole carefully constructed life was falling apart around her, and all she wanted to do was stand on the porch in the darkness and marvel at how wonderful it was to see him again. He took one more step toward her, his face bathed in shadows, making it impossible to tell anything about his expression. Yet she knew he was looking at her. She could feel it. And she thought he must have smiled, and somewhere in her short-circuiting brain she knew that couldn't be right, that it didn't fit at all with the reason he'd come back here. It had to be Billy. He must know, and he should be angry. God knew he had the right. But he was smiling at her. She was certain of it now that he'd come one more step closer. She could reach out and much him if she wanted. She could walk right into his arms, and he'd hold her there. Somehow, she knew that too, and it simply didn't fit. He gave her a look of pure mischief that would have made the devil proud, then glanced back over his shoulder toward Mrs. Watson. "Want to really make her day?" And then his lips came down toward hers. "Dr~v?" She was surprised, a little amused. He caught her in his arms and lowered her into an elaborately theatrical dip, then brought his head down until his lips were half an inch from h~s. She could just imagine what it would look like from Mrs. Watson's vantage point~ Laughter bubbled up inside her as he brought her upright again. She was still giggling, feeling almost giddy, as well, and utterly caught up in this magic moment with him, when she caught him staring at her again. "What?" she said. He shook his head and sighed. "You know, there was a time. in my life when I would have given anything to s~ you smile or to hear you laugh like that There was a time when I lived to make you happy." And then she knew that he hadn't staged this scene for Mrs. Watson's benefit. He'd don~ it for her, just ashe had don~ things for her so often all those years ago. When whole world looked bleak and cold and unforgiving, Dr~w could make it s~m ~ springtime. He had the gift, and he lavished it upon her. "I lived to s~ you smile," he said soberly, his head bent downward, his hand catching the end of her hair in his fingertips, then lingering beside her shoulder at the spot where he'd captured it. "I didn't even know how much I'd missed you, Carolyn. Not until I finally saw you again. It was hell being away from you all these years." Carolyn was stunned, the breath simply leaving her body, and the energy, as well. She felt like a rag doll, boneless, bloodless, ready to bend or break at his will. ~ It wasn't supposed to be like this. feel so good or so right, not after all this time, and ~ daily not after the way things had ended between them. Something wasn't right about this, and now that she had a moment to think about it, it was starting to scare her a little. As she'd told herself earlier, when she'd talked to him on the phone, people just didn't drop out of the sky and land in Hope, Illinois. He was back for a reason. And if it wasn't Billy, then what had brought him here? "Say something," he said softly. His voice, coming to be pounds through the darkness and the silence--the smoothness of it, the deep pitch, the sweet familiarity--sent shivers of anticipation down her spine. "What do you want me to say?" She chose her words carefully now, as the uncertainty took over. He shrugged, glanced around the porch, looked down the block, then back at her. "I thought you might hate me now. Lord knows you have the right. At the least, I was sure you'd be angry at me, if you still gave me a thought at all." The knots in Carolyn's stomach, the ones that had finally eased when they found that little girl in Indiana, were coming back now Stress always hit her there, with her insides twisting upon themselves. And she was happy for the darkness and the things he couldn't see. If he knew about Billy, he'd have to be angry at her. But he wasn't. He was wondering why she wasn't angry at him. But she didn't want to think about that, not if she could help it. She wanted to go on with this conversation. She wanted to hear the part where he told her he still thought about her sometimes, that he missed her and was glad to see her again. Those were some of the sweetest words she'd ever heard, ranking right up there with Billy telling her that he loved her. "Carolyn?" His hand slid down from her shoulder, along her arm, to cup her elbow. "Tell roe you don't hate me." She shivered again, and he must have felt it, must have attributed it to the cold, because he slowly pulled her forward, stopping just shy of having her in his arms. "I did for a while," she adrnitte~l, having to try. hard to concentrate on what they were~ talking about. A woman shouldn't have to think when she was this close to a man like Drew. "But I had a lot of good memories of you, too, and I didn't want to lose them. I wan ted to hold on to the good. times. I needed to, and I couldn't quite do that ~nd hate you at the same time. So I let it go~' It sounded lame, even to her, but that was what had happened. It hadn't been Drew's fault their whole world got turned upside down after Annie disappeared, and if that had never happened, who was to say what would have become of her and Drew? She tried not to even let herself get angry about it anymore, because it served no purpose. The past was an unforgiving place, and she had no intentions of living there. "And now?" His other arm came up to take her hand in his. He held it for a moment, then slid his hand along her forearm to her elbow. With her very nearly in his arms again, he stopped and waited. What did she feel right now? Giddy, almost drunk on the sight of him and the sound of his voice, warmed from the heat coming off him, and so very hopeful. It was like stepping back in time, like waking. up and finding that the past ten years had been nothing but a bad dream. He could still be in love with her, she in love with him. She could~ never have given up Billy. He could still be this tiny creature nestled safe and sound inside her body. What did she feel right now? "Oh, Drew. I couldn't begin to explain it to you." "Try," he said coaxingly, his voice as soft and smooth as warmed honey. "I can't believe you're back. I..." She. paused. She'd been so happy, so thrown off-balance by this whole thing and his behavior, that she'd forgotten to be scared. And she had good reason to be scared. Except he wasn't angry at her--not at all--and that didn't fit. She'd missed something here, something vital. And she couldn't ignore that any longer. "Drew, why |
Thanks sweetie
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your welcome
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Chapter 6 He went absolutely still, the magical mood broken as effectively as if someone had doused them with ice water. She heard him sigh once, felt him staring at her through the darkness. "You don't know?" he said, his arms dropping to his sides. She shook her head, certain now that she didn't want to know. "I thought..." He turned aside and swore "When the doctor was talking to you, when he told youl was with your mother when she collapsed, you you knew why. I just assumed that he'd told you." Carolyn had no idea what Drew was saying was here, but she was certain of one thing--he wasn't at her. He never had been. If anything, he was about whatever had caused him to return te whatever it was that had brought him here, Thank God, she thought, relief overwhelming wasn't Billy. He didn't know. For a moment, she forgot everything else. Drew didn't know! But this also presented her with a whole host of other problems--such as how she was going to tell him, and when. And what would her mother say? What would Grace do? What if Drew insisted on telling Billy? Her mind was racing through a whole new set of questions with no answers. "You really don't know?" he asked, Again, she could only shake her head. Again, the warning hells were going off inside her head. Something was very wrong here. Drew caught her in his arms this time and held her so tight she could barely breathe. He took his hand and pushed her face down against his shoulder. He was trembling, too; she could feel it now. "You're scaring me, Drew." He only held her tighter. "Sweetheart, I'm so sorry." He was acting as if he were about to tell her she'd lost her best friend in the world, but that wasn't possible. Her father had died months ago. Billy was~in the house, asleep. Her mother was resting comfortably; they'd called to check on her hair an hour ago. And Drew was holding her in his arms. There simply wasn't anyone else in her life who was really important to her. Except Annie. She couldn't say where the thought came from. It just hit her like a ton of bricks. She was sure she would have fallen flat on her face if Drew hadn't been holding her so tightly. Annie. This had to be about Annie. "They found her body?" she said, in a daze, not even saying her sister's name aloud. It wouldn't be so bad, she argued with. herself. Not after all this time. Annie was lost to them already. She always had been, from the day she disappeared. Carolyn knew that. She'd fought for years to accept that. Annie wasn't ever coming back. And there would be some relief in having a body to bury, in maybe finding out after all this time what had happened to her. Perhaps even, if they were lucky, finding the person responsible and putting him behind bars, so that he wouldn't do to anyone else what he'd done to Annie and the whole McKay family. "They found her, didn't they?" "No." He whispered it against her ear. Maybe he'd been telling her that the whole time, and she'd. simply been unable to hear him. He gave her a little kiss in the spot right beside her ear, as he whispered it again and again. - It took a while for it to sink in. When hgr mother collapsed earlier, she'd been with Drew. What had he told her? "I don't... I don't understand," Carolyn managed to say. He was scaring her, and she knew that she must be scaring him, as well, with her reaction. She felt curiously detached from her body, so it was no wonder she could barely ~ stand, no wonder he was so worried about holding her "I don't" -- She had to stop to breathe. Why was it so hard to breathe? They were on the porch; she remembered that much. It was dark and cold. No wonder she was tingling. It was cold, and nosy old Mrs. Watson was watching them, and Drew had claimed that he still missed her. It had been magic. Pure magic. And it had turned to this. It was like that day so long ago, when Annie had disap Through the fog that had filled her soul, she heard Drew calling to her. Annie, she thought. He was trying to tell her about Annie, and she didn't want to hear it. After all this time, after asking God to please just let them find her, to let them finally know for certain, Carolyn found that she didn't actually want to know. Suddenly, she became aware of Drew's hand on the side of her face, of the way he'd forced her to look up at him and brought his head down to hers, "Carolyn." She watched his lips move, and read the words coming from them. "Listen to me." But she didn't want to listen. She wanted to hide. Carolyn McKay, all grown up, all too familiar with the ways of the world and injustices committed against even the most vulnerable of children, wanted to hide her head in the sand and pretend that none of this was happening. "Don't tell me," she pleaded. "Shh ... just listen. We didn't find her body." Carolyn made a desperate grab for air, the blood rushing to her head, the porch starting to revolve in tight little circles. "You didn't?" "No." "Oh, thank God." He gave her a minute to absorb that. She tried to take it in, amazed at the enormousness of her relief, amazed at the power this still had to hurt her. Ten years had passed, and for a moment, the feelings that came at her were so strong, it felt the way it had the first day, the first hour, even. And then it hit her. If it wasn't Annie's body that they'd found, and if this wasn't about Billy, then what? "What?" She said it aloud this time. "I think I found the clothes she was wearing when she disappeared." Reality slowly came back to her. The roaring in her ears receded. The frightening void that had engulfed her, the tunnel vision that had allowed her to see only her sisteffs face, was lessening. Night sounds--the crickets humming, the occasional blast of a car stereo as it passed by on the street--came back to her. She felt thee natural coolness of the late-October evening, and not the chill of fear. And Drew. She was with Drew on the porch, and he was the only reason she was still standing. "Her clothes?" she said, at first able only to repeat what he'd already told her. "I think I need to sit down." "Let's go inside." He let go of her slowly and opened the door for her to pass through. The living room was dark, save for the lamp on the table in the corner. Carolyn sat down on the big, overstuffed sofa. Helplessly she felt her eyes drawn to the pictures spotlit by the lamp. Annie smiled back at her with all the warmth and innocence of a thirteen-year-old. Billy, in the photo beside Annie's, smiled, as well. Carolyn looked away, only then realizing that Drew was right in front of her. He'd sat on the edge of the table, which put him at eye level with her. His hands around hers, and his face wasn't more than a foot from hers now. "Annie's clothes," he said slowly, giving her. time to take it in. "The shorts set with the red-and-black checked tern, the one she brought back from Texas. You her?" Carolyn nodded. "She wore it to the picnic God, that awful day. "Yes, I remembered it from the picture of her we -the fliers, and the ones the police gave the press. " "You found the red suit?" Carolyn shook her head disbelief. after all this time? When Annie disappeared, she'd been walking down the road from the city park to [heir house, three blocks away. She'd been going to retrieve the loaves of fresh bread her mother had baked for a town picnic, the bread Carolyn had been supposed to get. As the investigators soon realized, either Annie had taken a shortcut through the woods or someone had lured her into them. It was as if the woods had swallowed her whole. The police had found a print or two from a nondescript tennis shoe, size twelve and a half wide. They'd found Carolyn's mother's house keys in the dirt along the path through the woods, but no sign of Annie: There had never been the slightest trace of her outside those woods--until now. "It's been ten years; Drew." "I know. It's crazy. The whole thing is crazy, but I swear they're Annie's clothes," "My mother didn't know for sure?" "We never got that far," he said. "As soon as she found out I was here about Annie, she just lost it." Carolyn paused for a moment, knowing the next questions she had to ask, not sure she was up to hearing the answers. Drew sat in front of her, holding her hands, just as he'd held onto her long into the lonely nights after An-hie disappeared. Back then, it had been as if her whole world had been turned upside down in an instant. She'd known that everything had changed. Annie wasn't coming back, not ever, and certainly not after ten long years. "She's dead," Carolyn said, absolutely certain of it. Drew was obviously at a loss. "We don't know that. There's nothing about the clothes... to indicate that." "Ten years," Carolyn argued. "No one disappears for ten years and then comes back, especially not a child. She was probably dead the day she disappeared." He didn't say anything then. "You know it as well as I do, Drew. I've known it for years, so... it shouldn't be this hard to handle what's happened now. I mean, it's nothing but a shirt and a pair of shorts, but I'm falling to pieces here, even though I know she's dead and gone .... " Carolyn stopped, to breathe and to think. Her words were coming out too fast, her voice was breaking up, the hysteria deep inside her was pushing its way to the surface. "I know she's dead," she said calmly, once she could. "Maybe," Drew conceded. "But it would be something to know for sure, wouldn't it? Wouldn't that help? To know what happened to her? Maybe even to catch the. bastard who did it? To at least make sure he doesn't do it to anyone else?" "Yes." Carolyn looked down at their intertwined hands and was grateful that he was still hanging on to her. She was feeling a little saner, a little more capable, than before. There were things that had to be done. " an dit looked as if she was the one who would have to handle them. Her mother was in no shape to do it herself. " Where did you find the clothes? "Sara Parker" "The little girl who was kidnapped?" Carolyn rupted, recognizing the name immediately, ' significance of finding and that of another little girl. ' Drew nodded. "She was wearing them when And that changed everything, as' Carolyn saw it. suggested there was some pattern to this man's That Annie's kidnapping hadn't been some dent, or the work of someone who was merely through the area. That obviously, since Sara Parker l been found across the state line and to the south, the was still in the area. That Sara Parker might know thing that could lead them to Annie's kidnapper--and to the answers of questions that haunted Carolyn and her mother to this day. "It's so hard to believe," Carolyn said. "I know." He was rubbing his hands against hers now, massaging them a little, trying to warm them, or to get the blood pumping down into them again. Carolyn still couldn't believe he was here after all this time. She still' Drew what do you have to do with Sara Parker's kidnapping case? " "I'm with the FBI now. I do a lot of work in child abductions." As did Carolyn, and she had to wonder if he did it for the same reasons she did. "Still trying to exorcise an old ghost?" Suddenly he wouldn't meet her eyes. "Maybe. And you?" Touch~, she thought. Carolyn shook her head noncommittally. "It's all just so crazy." "I know, sweetheart. It's a damned crazy world out there." "So what do we do now?" She pulled her hands from his and, because she so desperately needed to think straight, because that was difficult enough even without be' rag this close to him, she stood up and walked to the [محذوف][محذوف][محذوف][محذوف][محذوف][محذوف][محذوف][محذوف] "I have a picture of Sara wearing the red suit. And if you think they're P, nnie's clothes, I'll get on the phone and have one of the agents bring the clothes here for you to look at more closely." Carolyn felt a chill shoot through her. To see them was bad enough. But to touch them? To hold them~in her hands? - "Why would the guy still hapg on to, her clothes after all this time?" "I don't know, Carolyn. I haven't had time to even try to figure it out. I've spent the last three days and nights looking for Sara Parker. I saw her this morning, and I knew there was something about her that was familiar. As soon as I figured it out, I was on my way here. And things have been crazy ever since." "I know," she said, feeling nauseous. "If'he took her clothes..." Drew seemed to understand what she was implying. "It doesn't mean anything," he told her. She didn't argue with him. There was-no point. He worked with missing children; he knew as well as she did the kind of things that happened to them once they disappeared. "Carolyn, either the guy lives in a very remote area or he has a hideout of some sort where he takes the kids." "Kids?" she said. "How many are we talking about?" "I'm not sure. But these guys don't stop at two kids. Especially not ten years apart. If he's been in the area all this time, we're going to find out about others." Yes, she was certain he was right. The statistics her own organization had gathered estimated that the average child sex offender had more than one hundred victims--an astonishing number, until you realized how hard it was for a child to tell someone about being victimized, how hard a charge it was for most adults to believe and how difficult it was to prove. Even if all those things worked together and someone got convicted, the justice system didn't always manage to keep them in jail, and that was a fact that made Carolyn furious. She understood the system all too well. She fought this battle every day. One of the most important parts of her job was acting as a lobbyist for children's rights, particularly in the area of changing the laws to protect children. It didn't seem like that should be much of a fight--getting people to protect children--but she could attest to the fact that it was. Carolyn looked up at Drew then. He worked for the FBI, finding missing children. She didn't want to think what that implied. Old ghosts, old guilt, things that they should have put behind them long ago--these still lingered, and still carried within them the power to hurt. Drew was absolutely right. It was one damned crazy world they lived in. "We'll check the records as best we can tomorrow," he said. "If the guy was smart, he'd have realized he'd be harder to find if he crossed all sorts of jurisdictional lines, hoping that no one would ever put together the pattern. " " But kidnapping is a federal offense," she said. "Of course, but unless there's some evidence that a child has actually been kidnapped, the Bureau wouldn't get involved. At least not right away. The reports would come in as a missing child, and the local authorities would handle them initially," he explained. "So, if this guy's smart, if he's somewhere nearby and he's been going after kids for the past ten years, he might have taken them from that state, plus Illinois, Ohio, Kentucky, Missouri, maybe Tennessee and West Virginia. Who knows." "We can help you there," Carolyn told him, amazed that her own organization might bg. able to aid in finding her sister's abductor. "Among other things, Hope House is a clearinghouse for information in the region, including reports on child abductions." "Hope House. Of course. I should have put it together when I called you there. I've only been in Chicago for a few months now, but I've heard of the group. The Bureau people speak highly of your organization--when 'you're not embarrassing them, of course." "Only with good cause," Carolyn stated, "We do our best." "So do we." "Of course, it isn't enough. Sometimes I think no matter how much we do, it won't be enough." "As long as you don't stop trying," he said, then seemed to regret it. Instantly she was reminded of the fact that he'd simply given up on them when She needed him most. It wasn't working out, he'd told her during those last moments they spent together. By the time she knew what he planned to do, it had been too late. He'd already enlisted in the army. He'd presented her with a fait accompli, and hardly any time to even say goodbye. Of course, that hadn't kept her from literally begging him to stay. And that hadn't kept him from leaving. "Carolyn..." he began. The deep timbre of his voice, the way he drew out her name, letting it linger on his lips--it all told her he'd managed to read her thoughts much more easily than he should have, that he was ready to get into things they had no business discussing tonight. "So," she said, jumping in before he could finish, "what do you think? About Sara and Annie?" There was an awkward moment of silence, while doubt thought about challenging her but he let it pass. "There are a lot of wooded areas in southern and Illinois, not far from where we found Sara. me's clothes were there, then Annie was lilt el3 ... some point herself. And for Sara to show up wearing me's old clothes tells me Sara must have been in the same place. ' Carolyn had to agree with him. She heard him up behind her, but he stopped before he was close to touch her again. "We could find her," he said. "We could find and the man who did this to her. This little girl, lead us to both of them. " Drew turned Carolyn to face him. There was compassion in the look he gave her, and determination, as well. " " I'm sorry. I know this is going to be difficult. I know it's painful, but if there's a chance of finding out about Annie and finding the man who took Sara, I'm going to push as hard as I can to do it. I can't do anything less. " Carolyn nodded, her gaze finally landing on the square of paper in his left hand, her heart leaping at the sight of what must be the picture of Sara Parker in those clothes. Suddenly she felt as unsteady as she had that moment on the porch when she reali:,ed this was all about Annie. "Show it to me," she said, before the feeling got any-worse and she lost her nerve. She closed her eyes to give him time. When she opened them again, she found herself staring at a Polaroid of a small, dark-eyed, dark-haired girl who seemed to be trying as hard as she could to shrink away from the camera. "She looks scared to death." Drew shrugged. "She's a tough little kid. She was doing all right until I tried to take her picture. I think the flash blinded her for a moment and scared her all over again." "It's hard to tell... about the clothes, at least from the picture. They look the same, but I can't be sure." He tucked the picture into the inside pocket of his jacket. "I'll call and have them brought here before they go to the lab in Chicago." He turned to go into the kitchen. Carolyn's entire body sagged like a balloon leaking air. There was a small upholstered chair to the right of the window, and she managed to make it there just as every bit of energy and self-control she possessed drained out of her. Sitting down weakly, leaning her head back against the chair, she thought about all that this terrible day had brought her, all that she had left to face tomorrow and the next day and the day after. Her sister. Her sweet, innocent little sister. At one time, she would have sworn it would be a relief simply to know for sure that she was gone. But now, Carolyn had her doubts. Her mother? What in the world was wrong with her mother? And what would that do to Billy? Billy. Drew's son. Would she tell Drew? Should she? Would it only hurt him to know? Would he insist on telling Billy? Even fight her mother for custody? And what would that do to Billy? She had to do what was right. But at the moment, she had no idea what "right" was. |
Chapter 7 .Drew put down the phone in Grace McKay's kitchen. He'd checked with Bob Rossi, who was still. in the little town where they'd found Sam Parker. The agents had gotten little useful information from the girl about where she'd been held for the past week. They would try to get more once they had a psychiatrist to help them. So far, Sara's description of the man--tall, white, mid-die-aged, with a killer nicotine habit--would fit about a quarter of the population. Interestingly, though the man had taken her clothes away from her and given her the red shorts set to wear, she hadn't been molested, at least not as far as the doctors who had examined her could tell. No doubt Carolyn would be relieved to hear that. There wasn't a mark on her except for some braising on her upper arms, no doubt where the man had grabbed her, and some rope burns on her ankles where he'd tied her feet. So, if he wasn't some kind of pedophile, what was he? Why did he like to snatch little girls? Despite all the talk of child abductions in this country, there were actually relatively few children snatched by strangers and either killed or simply never seen . again. Oh, it happened, but children were much more likely--in fact more than a thousand times more likely--to be kidnapped by a parent or relative. That was relatively common. Stranger abductions of children were much more rare, coming at the rate of a little less than one child a day for the entire country. Drew thought-of the numbers, thought of the odds that on that day 'ten years ago, Annie had been the one. He paced back and forth in the kitchen, hardly believing that he was actually in this house again, in this town, involved once again with this woman he'd once loved. And he'd hurt her just by being here. He'd always known he would do just that if he ever came back. He and Carolyn had fallen in love in the midst of her sister's disappearance, and at its best their relationship had been bittersweet. At its worst, it had been fiddled with guilt that they were so happy with each other while Annie was simply gone, that while they sneaked off for a few stolen moments together, Annie had disappeared. Drew had thought at first that the experience would bring them closer together, but it hadn't worked out like that, Carolyn had seemed to withdraw from him. times, he, d thought she blamed him. Other times, s! ~ seemed to blame herself. Eventually, she'd been racked with guilt every time they were together. Instead of ge,~ ~ ting better, it had only gotten worse. It had hurt him, and it had angered him. And he hadn, been able to handle it. Now that he'd seen Carolyn again, now that he d touched her, held her in his arms, the pain was almost un~ bearable. The enormity of what he'd lost was staggering to illli 'him. He'd been alone for a long time, so long that he'd forgotten what it was like to want a woman so much. He'd regretted leaving her, almost from the first, but he hadn't known how to fix it. Besides, by then he'd already enlisted in the army, and you just couldn't tell them you'd changed your mind and wanted to go home. By the time he got out, having amaz'mgty managed to earn a college degree while serving his time and working in army intelligence, one of his former superiors had gone to work for the FBI, and he'd recruited Drew to join him there. Once he found the special task force that ~worked on child kidnapping cases, he'd been sure that he'd found what he was meant to. do with his life. Looking back on it now, he experienced his first doubts about his choice. Carolyn had seen right through him~ He was still, in some irrational way, trying to make up for what had happened to Annie. Ten years later, he was still haunted by it. And so was she. That was the hardest part. Carolyn was in the same shape. He knew about her group--an incredibly loud, aggressive, well-funded barracuda of an organization that expected, either by force of public opinion or by sheer staying power and perseverance, to change the laws in this country to protect the children. Idealistic? He was cynical enough to say that they were, but he was still glad. Somebody had to fight the idealistic fight. While laws simply weren't enough, they provided one hell of a start. The group had money, computer links, and a lot less concern for jurisdiction than any law-fmforcement group he knew. They cared about solving cases, not which agency actually era~ked them. No doubt if he hadn't been on the West Coast for the past four years, he'd have known much more about the group, and he'd most likely have run into Carolyn at some point while working on a case. He wondered what it would have been like--to see her again under any circumstances but these. He wondered if' Drew Carolyn called from the living room. Recognizing the urgency in her voice, he was there in an instant. He found her sitting on the sofa with the phone receiver still in her hand and her face as pale as the white of the walls. "What is it?" He sat down beside her and turned sideways to face her. "My aunt Ellen called. She heard about my mother, and she wanted to know if there was anything she could do. Then she asked what had upset her so much, and I told her about the clothes." "Isn't she the one in Texas?" "She used to live there. She's in St. Louis now, but she was the one we went to visit that year, when we bought Annie the red shorts set. Aunt Ellen remembered, because my parents bought Annie's at the same time she bought her daughter one. They matched, and they had trouble keeping them straight during the trip, so my mother and Aunt Ellen put the girls' initials on the tags of their shirts. " " Bingo," he said. Pale, but composed, she nodded. "We can figure it out now. If those are Annie's clothes, they'll have her initials on the tag." He thought about taking her into his arms then, but he wasn't sure he could stop with just that. And now wasn't the time. They had Annie to find. Carolyn's mother was in the hospital, and little Billy was scared. Now definitely wasn't the time. Besides, they had a lot to settle between them first. He had to somehow explain to her why he'd left and how much he'd re~gretted it, then hope she could forgive him for it' before they could start again. He desperately needed to believe that they could start /again. Drew decided to stay where he was. "One thing at a time, "he told her. "We'll get the clothes, look for the initials, and if they're Annie's, we'll find the man who took her." He glanced at his watch, because he couldn't just sit there and stare at the heartbroken look on her face any longer. It was nearly eleven. He was ~xhaUsted, but he didn't want to leave. "Are you and Billy going to be all right here?" he asked, looking for a reason to stay. "Of course." "Did this town ever get a decent motel? Or am I going to be staying at that dump on the south side of town?" "There's a bed-and-breakfast downtown. It's the old Williams place, on Main." He gave a look of disgust. "Frilly sheets, little scented things in the drawers to make my clothes smell like lilacs or something? Tea and those little cakes in the afternoon?" "I wouldn't know. I've never stayed there. But you're welcome to stay here, if you want. I stay in my old bedroom upstairs, next to Billy's, and there's a guest room downstairs that's always made up." He wondered if she realized he'd been fishing for an invitation, even though he couldn't be clear on the reason why. Part of him was a LITTLE concerned~ even if it was totally irrational. The man who'd taken Annie was still out there somewhere. He had to know by now that they'd found Sara Parker, and surely he remembered what she'd been wearing when she escaped. Drew still had to work under the assumption that the guy had known Annie somehow when he snatched her. It was crazy to think that the guy might comeback here for some reason, but Drew was more than a little irrational about this case. And he didn't want to leave Carolyn, not yet. He'd just found her again. They'd forged some fragile bond in the brief hours they'd been together today, and he didn't want to risk losing that. She was overwhelmed today. Scared, tired, worn-out, and all those things must have made it easier for her to accept him, even to lean on him a little. He was willing to bet that would all have' changed by tomorrow. A little, rest, a chance to think things through, and he would guess she'd try as hard as she could to put a little distance between them. He didn't want to give her the chance. "You don't mind if I stay?" he asked, wondering if she saw right through him. He thought she must. Either that, or she had turbing thoughts of her own, because she finally had He color in her cheeks. "Not at all. In fact, I was just thinking--if something happened to my mother in the middle of the night, and I needed to get to the hospital, I'd hate to have to get Billy out of bed and take him with me. He's upset enough as it "Okay," he said, telling himself that this was what wanted, after all. And he'd already resigned himself spending the whole night through dreaming of her, no matter where he slept. "Let me just get my bag out of the car." He turned and started searching his pockets rette--his fifth of the day. He had it lit and by the time he closed the front door behi habit had him checking the street up and down before he stepped off the porch. Funny, he'd been a million miles away from this place for what seemed like forever, yet he could still come back and have his whole, past seem so close he could reach out and touch it. He could close his eyes and look around and feel as if he'd never left. He wondered what in the world would have happened if he'd never left. Would he and-Carolyn be married by now? Have children by now? Would they have found a way to forget about Annie and be happy? He was angry at himself for even wondering. After all, it did no good. Regrets were the most useless things in the world. They changed nothing. Drew grabbed his bag out of the trunk, and a fresh suit hanging from a hook in the back of the car. And all the while, regrets bombarded him with a relentlessness that set him on edge. He didn't have any business spending the night in this house, with Carolyn upstairs: But he was going to do it anyway. And maybe tomorrow they'd have some answers. Maybe she'd listen while he tried to explain, and maybe, just maybe, she'd understand something that he'd never truly understood himself. How in the world he'd ever managed to leave her--and to stay away for so long. Drew was pulling out his shaving kit and storing it in the bathroom when he heard Carolyn Come back downs airs Moving back to the guest room, he~ took off the jacket to his suit and hung it in the closet, then removed his tie and laid it across the bureau. She shouldn't have come back downstairs. " He stood absolutely still and listened as she moved through the house, turning off lights and flicking the locks into place. Finally, she stood at the doorway to the bedroom. This day, ano all be ones that l~ad come before it, had started to take their toll on him. Once he started on a case, once a child went missing and there seemed a valid reason to hope the child was still alive, he barely slept, seldom ate. He lived and breathed the case, his world narrowing down to nothing but the investigation and the reward at the end. He'd been on Sara's case for seventy-two hours before they found her, and he'd come straight here after that. He was bone-deep tired, frustrated that they had so little information on Sara Parker's and frightened that he was now working on Annie McKay's deeade-old disappearance. He should be asleep before he hit the bed, but he doubted he would be. One thing about being too tired--he couldn't summon up the self-discipline it took to keep his mind off Carolyn, especially when they were alone late night in a room that happened to contain a bed. Though he knew better, he once again let himself take long, hard look at her. She had on sleek fitted trousers that Showed off her longs legs and her trim hips. Her was incredibly soft--he knew that from earlier--and it was a pale cream color that did wonders her fair skin and her dark eyes. She wore her pulled back from her face, and she had dainty little hoops in her ears. Overall, the picture was one of simple elegance, and right now she was making his blood boil. "I just wanted to see if you needed anything went upstairs." He smiled, despite the tightening in his chest that it difficult to breathe. Ten years' worth of need, of liness and memories and dreams, welled up inside him. He needed her. Desperately. Drew stood in front of Carolyn, his need warring with his sense of right and wrong. She was exhausted, too. Her mother was in the hospital, her little brother was upstairs asleep, and they were in her parents' house. It wasn't the time or the place for the kind of discussion they needed to have. Of course, his. mind wasn't on talking right now, anyway, which was no Surprise. It had been 'years since he'd been this close to her, and right now it felt as if he might not get such an opportunity again. Few knew better than he and Carolyn 'that life had a way of throwing the unexplainable at you, the unmanageable unchangeable. How everything could shift in an instant, and reality as you knew it could simply disappear. He might not get another chance. At least he could touch her one more time. Drew' crossed the floor in a second and took her by the arms. "I need to kiss you, Carolyn. I need a whole hell of a lot more' than that, but I think I could get by on a kiss. And once I do that, I think you'd better turn around, go upstairs and forget about coming back down tonight," She gave a little sound of surprise. He watched as the pulse point in her neck began to speed up, and thought about covering it with his mouth. But he'd set his terms. One kiss. Surely he was strong enough to stop at that. When she didn't protest, he settled her close against him, then closer still, until she was flush against him from head to toe. Her arms came around him, urging him nearer. Her eyes locked on his. He thought about telling her how much he'd missed her, how empty the years had been, how empty his bed had been. But it didn't seem like the kind of talk a man had with a. woman when he was allowing himself nothing more--at the moment--than a single kiss goodnight. And it was absolutely unbelievable how much he wanted this kiss. He backed off a fraction of an inch, just for a second, when his self-control threatened to desert him altogether. "I've dreamed of you," he told her, unable to help himself. "I've spent night after night alone in hotels, so exhausted I couldn't even tell you which state I was in, not really caring, knowing I needed to get up in a few hours, and still not able to forget your face or the way you felt in my arms." He tucked her head against his heart and kissed her hair while he thought about saying more. "I should have never left you. I'll regret it until the day I die. You've got to believe that, Carolyn. " When she didn't answer, his hand went to the side of her face to turn it up toward him, and he detected a telltale. trail of moisture on her cheek. He'd made her cry. Again. This time, he kissed the tears away, one by one. "Till day I die," he said, his lips against her soft, wet cheeks' "Do you believe me?" He decided to go for broke. "Gonna give me a chance to make it up to you?" "Yes, if you want it." "Sweetheart, I definitely want it." His body turning into a throbbing mass of need, his arms locked around her, his senses overwhelmed b] and smell and taste of her, he fought for control. ~ Suddenly, a real kiss seemed much too dangerous to undertake. He'd overstepped the emotional boundaries he'd set for them, and now that he'd done that, there was no telling what else might happen. Suddenly, he felt as if he had about as much a teenager, felt as eager as one, too. God knew he hadn't wanted a woman like this since he'd been nineteen years old and aching for Carolyn. "You need to go upstairs, Carolyn," he said, with the last shreds of his self-control. "Hurry." And she did |
الساعة الآن 09:07 PM. |
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