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Our child by sally tyler-hayes

Hi everybody today i have one of my favorite novels, i hope you enjoy reading it as much as i did. :friends: synopsis: She'd had his son without

 
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قديم 15-09-07, 01:16 PM   المشاركة رقم: 1
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New Suae Our child by sally tyler-hayes

 

Hi everybody today i have one of my favorite novels, i hope you enjoy reading it as much as i did.

child sally tyler-hayes

synopsis:

She'd had his son without ever letting him } the child existed, without
ever giving Drew chance to have a say about what happened t, boy.

Nothing could change what she'd done. Not could give him back the
years with Billy, an Carolyn felt sure that he would want them b

What could possibly matter after that
?

 
 

 

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قديم 15-09-07, 01:18 PM   المشاركة رقم: 2
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افتراضي

 

"

Chapter 1

Little Sara Parker got away.

She was only seven, but' she was fast, especially when she was seared
to death. She had guts, too, because she saw her chance and she took
it.

Near as the authorities could make out from what the little girl had
told them, the man had stolen her off the sidewalk, a mere block from
her parents' home in Rus-sell ville Illinois, about seventy miles west
of Chicago.

Four days later--she wouldn't talk about the intervening time--he'd
been driving, Sara in the truck with him, when he nearly ran out of
gas.

He'd stopped to get more and Sara had defied his command to stay in the
cab of the pickup and keep quiet. She'd jumped off the high seat onto
the parking lot, then immediately stashed herself away under a
tarpaulin in the bed of another pickup, only moments before it pulled
onto the rural highway.

Sara Parker saved herself.

Only trouble was, she had hidden herself away quite well in the back of
that second truck, and had been too scared to move. No one noticed she
was there until an hour or so had passed. The startled driver, a young
boy from Bloomington, Indiana, headed for his cousin's new home on the
White River to go fishing, had no idea where he'd stopped the last
time; he'd been lost and looking for directions. But that must have
been the place where Sara climbed into the bed of his truck.

Sara had no clue about where she'd been kept for the four days she was
missing or where she'd made her escape, and so far, she hadn't been
willing to talk at all about the man who'd taken her away from her poor
mother and father.

Special Agent Andrew Delaney had been on the case for only three days
when the girl escaped. He beat her parents to Pritchard, the little
Indiana town where they'd found her, more than three hours' drive from
where she'd been snatched. Drew had been the first FBI agent to speak
with her.

She hadn't told him much of anything that would be useful in helping
him find the man. He was tall, but then all men were to a
seven-year-old girl. He smelled bad, he smoked constantly, and he'd
hurt her. She wouldn't say how, but then, she didn't have to. Drew
knew what bad men did to little girls.

All in all, he had next to nothing to go on in his search for the
man.

Still, there'd been something about Sara that triggered some memory for
him. Something about this case was so familiar, and he'd concentrated
so hard on what she'd told him that he overlooked it for an entire hour
and a half. It was her clothes.

Sara Parker had been kidnapped on her way home from her best friend's
house. They'd been playing in the tree house in the backyard until it
turned cold on them. It was

October, so she'd been wearing a flowered pink sweater and a pair of
light-colored jeans. Drew had seen' some pictures taken earlier in the
fall, when she was wearing the same outfit.

But when she escaped, she'd been dressed differently; in a light cotton
short set more suited to summer than fall. He should have realized
that earlier. That was at least part of the reason the girl had been
shivering--from the cold.

Now that Drew thought about it, the clothes had seemed too big for her,
too. The top had kept falling off her shoulder, and her tiny waist had
been too narrow for the waistband of the shorts.

He knew those clothes.

They were red--red-and-black checked shorts with red trim, with a
matching cropped top that barely covered her stomach, even if the top
was much too big for her.

The answer was right in the back of his mind, hiding there in the
shadows.

In an eerie premonition of what was to come, in what he could only
describe as an aeknowl~gment that some part of his brain figured it out
before the rest of him, a chill moved over him in one long wave,
shaking him to the core. Of course he knew those clothes.

He'd seen them before, on another little girl. Her parents had bought
that little red suit for her one year . in Texas, while visiting
rdafives over their Easter vacation. Thelittle girl had worn the red
suit all summer long. And one Sunday afternoon in August, after a
church picnic, she'd disappeared.

It had been ten years ago.

"Carolyn! You've got to see this?

She looked up as the door to her office, high in. the corner of the
old renovated house in Chicago, burst open. By the lime Carolyn McKay
stood up, her normally calm, cool secretary had come around to the
other side of the desk and was tugging on her arm.

"Come on," Julie said. "You won't believe it." "Okay, I'm coming."

Julie led her through the hallway and downstairs to the combination
kitchen-lounge, where the whole administrative staff of Hope House, a
private agency working for children's rights and gaiety, seemed to be
gathered around the small TV set in the corner and cheering.

"Comin' through," Julie said, taking her right down front.

"What's happened?" Carolyn said~ They so seldom got good news.

"They found her," Brian Wilson, the best computer expert she'd ever had
the pleasure of working with, said as'he threw an arm around her back
and gave her a quick squeeze. "They found Sara Parker."

She gasped. Her hand came up to cover her mouth, muffling her words,
as she stared at the pictures of the little girl on the tiny television
screen. "Oh, thank God..."

Carolyn squeezed Brian back, then turned to her secretary for another
celebratory hug. The adminisgrative of-rices of Hope House were in an
uproar. They'd been following the little girl's case for the past
seventy-two hours, and most of them had expected the worst, from the
information the authorities had released about her kidnapping. But it
hadn't worked out that way--not this time.

"That's incredible," Carolyn said," straining to hear what the
announcer was saying. " How did they find her? "

"They didn't, actually," Brian said. "She ran away ~when the guy
stopped to get gas for his truck."

God, all kids should be so lucky--and so brave. Carolyn felt the
throbbing in her head, the churning in her stomach--which had been
constant ever since they'd heard about the kidnapping--finally ease. It
would be all right now. At least until the next case.

In her business, there was always another case, always another child,
another set of grief-stricken parents, maybe brothers and sisters,
too.

Carolyn knew all about that.

Her sister had disappear~ ten years ago, and no one had ever found a
trace of her or her kidnapper.

Drew Delaney sat alone at a borrowed desk in the corner of the
Pritchard police station, waiting for someone at FBI headquarters to
dig up the file on the ten-year-old ease that continued to haunt him to
this day.

He was oblivious of the constant ringing of the phone, the buzz of
excited conversation around him, the curious stares of other officers,
both local police and FBI. He turned his back on all that and sat
facing the wall, his mind helplessly drawn back to another place,
another time.

They had never found the other girl, had barely found a trace of usable
evidence, not even the first good clue as to what could have happened
to her.

It was even crueler than the actual death of a child, because her
parents had never learned what had become of their daughter. To this
day, they waited for answers. No doubt, in some corner of their minds,
they still hoped for a miracle--that she was alive and well somewhere,
that someday she'd find her way back to them. Some bit of irrational
hope never. died, making the nightmare a never-ending one.

Drew wanted answers for them, and for himself. While witnessing
something as joyous as Sara Parker's tearful reunion with her parents
helped ease the ache, it didn't stop it. Nothing would. Except
finding the other missing child.

"Mr. Delaney?" someone called out from the front of the room.

He stood and turned around, then caught the clerk's eye. She made her
way back to him, through the throng of excited, happy law-enforcement
officers. They'd won one.

for a change, and they'd all been in this bus' mess long enough to know
that they had to celebrate the victories, because the defeats were far
too many, the costs much too high.

"Mr. Delaney?" she said again as she reached his corner of the
room.

"Yes," he said, holding out a none-too-steady hand. "Fax for you." She
handed it over. "Thanks," he muttered.

Drew held it facedown in his hand, waiting for the clerk to walk away.
Then, once again, he turned his back on the crowded room.

It shouldn't mean so much to him--not after all this time. And it
shouldn't bother him this much; he'd worked on dozens of cases like
this in which they'd never found the missing children.

But that one, all those years ago, had been different. It hadn't been
a case. It had been personal. Drew Delaney hadn't worked on it. He'd
been a witness--one of the last people to see Annie McKay before she
disappeared without a trace.

And he knew what the odds were of finding her, or finding out anything
about her kidnapping, after ten years.

It would take a miracle, and Drew had been on the job long enough to
know that those were few and far tween. Sara Parker's escape was
probably the only one he'd see for years to come. Still, holding this
old picture in his hand, he couldn't help but hope.

Slowly he flipped the flimsy piece of fax paper over in his hands. It
was a lousy copy of a black-and-white copy of an old color photo. The
clarity was nonexistent, yet he still had to swallow hard when he saw
the image. He would never forget the sight of a smiling Annie wearing
that red-and-black suit; it was the image that had been reproduced
thousands of times and distributed throughout the country in newspapers
and broadcast on numerous television stations in hopes of finding Annie
McKay.

From his shirt pocket, he took the Polaroid he'd snapped this morning
of Sara Parker in that little red shorts set. He could have sworn it
was a perfect match for the outfit Annie had been wearing when she
disappeared-the one Annie had on in the faxed photo he now held in his
other hand.

And it made sense that the red suit was too big for Sara. She was only
seven, but Annie had been thirteen when she disappeared. It had been
only about a hundred and twenty miles from here, across the border in
Illinois, in a little town called Hope. Drew would never understand
the cruel twist of fate that had bestowed that name on the town.

He'd grown up there, and he hadn't been this close to the place in
years. The past four years had been spent with the FBI working on the
West Coast, and before that he'd been in the army. He didn't want to
get any closer to the town now, but he didn't have a choice. It was
his job to track down the miss' rag especially the children, and Annie
McKay was still missing, even if no one had been working on her case in
seven or eight years.

He sat back in the swivel-based desk chair and stared at a water stain
on the gray wall, near the ceiling. It had been so long ago.

/knnie would have been twenty-three years old now, but in the eyes of
h~ family, her friends, and the people who'd searched for. her 'she
would remain forever a smiling, laughing thirteen-year-old. Annie
would never grow old.

She had a sister--Carolyn, who would be twenty-seven now. Drew
couldn't help but wonder if she still lived in town. He wondered if
she'd married, if she had kids of her own.

Every now and then, he still let himself think about her. He wondered
if she'd ha~. ~l him in the end, all those years ago, wondered if she
still thought of him," every now and

then, and what she'd do if he just showed up on her doorstep.

Most of all, he wondered whether she still hated him for walking away
from her so long ago.

He still hated himself for that at times.

Drew knew Sara Parker's case should take precedence over a ten-year-old
kidnapping, but he couldn't help himself. As disciplined as he was, he
couldn't keep his mind on Sara Parker; He'd been there when Annie McKay
disappeared. He'd searched for her himself, along with most of the
people in the small town where she'd lived. For years he'd tried to
somehow atone for her disappearance by trying to get girls like Sara
back home, safe and sound.

And he knew that, no matter what he did today, he wouldn't stop
thinking about Annie. Finally, he just gave up trying. He had a bad
feeling about-this. Hell, he had more than that. He had a
ten-year-old photograph of a little girl who hadn't been seen in a
decade, and another of one who'd disappeared four days ago, only to
return in what he was sure were once Annie's clothes.

Even without that, Drew had been in the business long enough to trust
his instincts. They were screaming at him right about now.

After conferring with the agent in charge at the scene, convincing him
nell that they had the manpower to do what they needed to do without
him, he'd excused himself with. at erse explanation that he had
another lead. It was a long shot, but he needed to follow up on it.
Then he'd promised to check inas soon as he knew something. Drew had
worked with Bob Rossi long enough that he didn't have to say more than
that.

Then he'd climbed into his car and headed toward a place he hadn't seen
in nearly ten years.

He reasoned with his conscience, telling himself that Sara was safe
now, where Annie never would be again. The authorities still owed her
parents something, even if it was only a body to bury And if Sara
Parker really had been found wearing Annie's clothes, then there had to
be some connection between the two cases. He had a duty to follow up
on this lead.

It was difficult to go back to that town. Like stepping back in time
and into someone else'S skin. He'd been different here. At least, the
people of Hope, Illinois, had seen him differently, and he hadn't
appreciated it at all.

They'd judged him by the clothes he wore, the rundown place he called
home, the mother who'd run off and the father who all too often was
falling-down drunk. No one had seemed that interested in knowing him,
because they'd thought they knew enough about Drew already. "

Well, they'd been wrong, though it didn't matter much anymore. He
didn't care what any of them thought.

Except, may he Carolyn. Because sometimes he still let himself think
about her. Sometimes he imagined he caught a glimpse of her in a
crowd. Sometimes he thought he smelled her perfume. Sometimes, in
~the night, he still reached for her, even though he hadn't touched her
in years, and had never shared a bed or a whole night through with
her.

Sometimes he thought about trying to find he~, if for no other reason
than to exorcise old ghosts, to separate the reality of Carolyn, thew0
man at twenty-seven, from the memories of the girl who haunted his
dreams.

But he'd never done that.

Before today, he'd have sworn he never would, because he'd decided long
ago that Carolyn McKay was better off without him.

He had no trouble finding the town, despite the way the area had grown
in the intervening years. There was a new,

more direct road connecting it to the nearby Interstate 70, and the
place was dotted with fast-food joints and gas stations.

He passed a new-car dealer, an honest-to-goodness shopping center and a
big grocery store before making his way into town. Once he got within
the town limits, he stopped to get gas at what used to be Eddie's
Garage. In what seemed to be another lifetime, he'd worked there.

It was one of those convenience stores now--just like the ones you'd
find in any city anywhere in the country. He wondered what happened to
Fxldie, wondered whether anyone in this town would recognize him
anymore and whether he'd recognize them.

He was mildly curious about whether there was anything left of the old
town he'd known. Not that he'd mourn its passing. It was just
strange--like thinking of Annie being twenty-three instead of thirteen.
In his mind, the town, like the girl, had never aged.

He had found the presence of mind to realize that the McKays might well
have moved in the intervening years. So when he stopped for gas, he'd
asked the clerk, who'd told him that they still lived on Highland
Avenue.

Reluctantly he drove down the tree-lined street and parked in front of
the house, one of those respectable two-story brick homes in that
eminently respectable part of town. He'd been intimidated by it in his
youth, but the man staring at it now found it to be smaller than he
remembered, and showing definite signs of aging. The dark green paint
on the trim and the shutters was peeling, the path leading to the front
door was cracked. He remembered flowers--a profusion of them--in
window boxes and pots on the front porch, but there were none in sight
now. That was strange, he thought. It wasn't like Henry McKay to let
the place go like this.

Drew opened the old ornamental iron gate, and a loud creaking sound
filled the air. He wondered why someone hadn't oiled the thing,
wondered why he was starting to sweat now, merely at the thought of
walking into the place.

He glanced down the bare sidewalk and remembered how pretty it had
been, lined with black-and-gold pansies, ones that matched the flowers
in the pots on the porch. He had known from the beginning that he
wouldn't fit in here.

Determined to shake off the memories, he made his way down the path
toward the door and knocked.

Drew had done much harder things than this in the line of duty, so why
did walking back into this house seem so difficult? Why did he dread
the opening of that oversize oak door?

But it didn't open. Even after he knocked, it didn't budge. He turned
to one side, noting a brown sedan in. the driveway, then knocked
again.

Finally, he heard footsteps coming toward the door. After what seemed
like forever, it swung open.

A woman stared back at him with not a flicker of recognition in her
eyes, but Drew would have known her anywhere. This was Grace McKay,
Annie and Carolyn's mother. Her hair was going gray, which shouldn't
have surprised him, but did. He took just a moment to survey the rest
of her. She'd gained some weight, but not much. Her face had new
lines running across it that seemed to have nothing to do with age and
everything to do with the difficult life she'd led.

"I'm sorry" she said, quite pleasantly; She obviously didn't recognize
him. "I was just watching the news. They found that~ little girl this
morning--the one who'd been missing for four days now."

"I know," he said, before be even thought about it, then backtracked
into something that wasn't quite a lie. "I was listening to the news
on the radio."

"I've been so worried about her, and to have them jusi find her like
that--it's a miracle."

"Yes, ma'am, it is," he said, feeling like-a boy who was trying and
failing to impress her with his good manners and his politeness.

"Now, what can I do for you?"

Drew glanced around at the porch and the path, the old houses that
lined the block. It was hard to believe he'd come back here after all
this time. His hand went to the outside of his jacket, where the right
inside pocket was, and felt the outline of the fax paper and the
photograph. For a moment, he'd forgotten where he'd put them, and he
wasn't sure how to bring them out. No doubt she was going to be upset
just to see him again, once she realized who he was. And once she saw
the photograph--anything could happen. For a moment, he wished he
hadn't come alone, or that some of her neighbors were around.

"I need to come inside for a minute, ma'am," he said, going for the
case that held the credentials that identified him as a federal agent
and flipping it open briefly for her to See.

"FBI?" she said, obviously taken aback at finding an agent on her
doorstep.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Well." . " She hesitated. " I guess. Please, come in. " He
stepped into the dim entranceway, one that seemed even~ darker because
of the sunlight he'd just left, then waited by the sofa in the living
room until she invited him to sit. He chose the corner by the lamp,
and he knew the' moment the light hit his face, because she gasped.

"Oh, my Lord, it's you!" She sank into the chair in the opposite
corner, her face deathly pale.

"Mrs. McKay, I'm sor"

"Drew Delaney? After all this time.."

" She took a moment to gather her breath, then shook her head back and
forth, as if she still couldn't believe it.

Drew didn't like the way she looked one bit. He didn't want her
fainting on him, especially at the mere fact that he'd returned after
nearly ten years. If that upset her this much, what would she do when
he brought up Annie? "Ma'am, is your husband home?" She shook her
head. "No."

"Could we' call him? Maybe he could come, be,

cause- '

"My husband died six months ago," she said, and Drew decided that must
account for the peeling paint and the absence of flowers in the front
yard.

"I'm sorry to hear that," he said earnestly. Carolyn's father had been
much less vocal in his dislike of Drew than her mother, and he knew
Carolyn had been very close to the man.

His own father had died three years ago, and Drew hadn't even come back
for the funeral. He would have felt like too much of a hypocrite.
After all, they hadn't spoken in ten years.

"Look," Mrs. McKay said, gathering her strength now, "I don't know
what you think you're going to accomplish by coming back here after all
this time, but it's too late. Do you understand me? It's too late.
Whatever you were thinking of doing, you might as well forget it,
because I'll never give up my"

Drew just purled out the picture of Sara Parker. That left Grace McKay
absolutely speechless once she caught a glimpse of it.

It wasn't the nicest thing he could have done, but he didn't want to
prolong this, or to get into an argument with the woman. He definitely
wasn't ever going to change her mind about him or about anything in the
past. So he was going to get this over with as quickly as possible.

"I didn't come to talk about Carolyn and me." He tried to hide the
anger in his voice, but he couldn't quite do it. He'd been gone for
ten years, and this woman obviously still hated him--not that it
mattered a damn bit anymore.

"I'm sorry, I don't know any way of making this easy for you."

She just stared at him with a look of utter disbelief. "This isn't
about Bi?" -- She clamped a hand over her mouth then and--if it was
possible--turned even paler. The breath went out of her in a whoosh,
and Drew noted that the hands she was wringing together in her lap were
now shaking;

"I'm sorry," he said, searching for the all-important detachment that
was so necessary to surviving things like this in his line of work.

He followed her line of vision to the end table in the corner, to the
photographs in the three small brass frames. Carolyn, a shot of the
teenage girl he'd known, in one frame; Annie, smiling and happy, more
than ten years ago; and a photo of a little boy who looked so much like
Carolyn, Drew knew he must be looking at her son.

Why did that surprise him? That Carolyn had a son? He certainly
hadn't thought she'd be here waiting for him. Still, faced with the
fact that there was another man in her life, that she'd had a child
with him. it was harder than he'd imagined it would be, harder than it
had a right to be.

He was finally going to see her again, and he'd do so / knowing that
she'd had another man's child. That shouldn't matter to him--not at
all. But it did.

"Why in the world are you here?"

Grace McKay's shaky voice brought him back to the task at hand.

"Business," he said abruptly. "Official business."

He intended to look her in the eye, just once, briefly, before he
flipped the photo in his hand over and got this over with. But he
didn't think that would he possible now. She'd moved back in her
chair, getting as far away from him as she possibly could without
getting up--which would be out of the question, he was sure, because
she~ was Ixembling all over now. She was having trouble catching her
breath; he could hear her struggling with that now, and she had her
hands up in front of her, as if to ward off an attacker. He supposed
what he was about to do constituted an attack against this woman.
"About... Annie?" He nodded.

"I don't want to see that," she shot back, glancing down at the picture
in his hands.

"It's not Annie," he reassured her.

"I don't want to see it." "She sounded close to hysteria now.

"You have to, Mrs. McKay. I need you to look at it, he-cause I
think... I think it has something to do with Annie. It's a picture of
Sara Parker, the little girl you've been heating about on the news.
She's alive. She's going to be fine, but I need for you to look at the
picture for me. It's important."

Somehow, she rose to her feet then, though Drew was sure that was a
mistake.

"I'don't care," she said. "I don't want to see it." Drew backed off
for a moment, rethinking the situation. He truly hadn't wanted to
upset the woman, but he was trying to catch a kidnapper here. Sara
Parker had gotten away, but the next little girl might not be so lucky.
And who was to say whether, if someone had pushed a little harder more
than ten years ago, they might not have caught that other man before he
kidnapped Sara?

He had to do it. He had to make this woman help him, regardless of how
much it upset her.

"I'm sorry," he said to her once more, then held the photo up in front
of her.

Grace McKay gave a little cry and turned her head aside, but he watched
as her eyes helplessly darted ba~k toward the photo for a quick
glance.

There was nothing upsetting about the photograph at all. It merely
showed a~small, thin, frightened LITTLE girl standing before the
camera. She didn't even look anything like Annie. Her hair was dark,
where Annie's had been blond. Her eyes were brown; Annie's had been
blue. And she was six years younger than Annie had been when she
disappeared. So there was nothing, nothing at all, about this picture
that could have upset Grace McKay--except for the clothes.

And something had definitely upset her.

Dtc~ felt as if a streak of sheer power, like the kind that skimmed
along the electric lines outside, shot through him in that instant.
He'd been right. He was certain of it now. There ~as definitely a
link between Annie's kidnapper and Sara Parker's.

He'd just found the first good clue they'd ever had in Annie McKay's
kidnapping. He was going to find out what had happened to her,
finally, after all these years. And then he was going to put this
whole nightmare behind him.

"Mrs. McKay?"

He looked up just in time to see her pitch forward. Her knees buckled
beneath her. She nearly hit the floor before Drew could grab her. She
slumped heavily against him and clutched a hand to her chest. He
braced himself, then hauled her up in his arms long enough to make it
to the brown flowered couch.

"My heart," she said, pressing. a hand against chest. "I can't-- Oh,
it hurts."

"Lie still," he said, pushing her gently back against the cushions,
then checking the pulse in the carotid artery in her neck. Her pulse
Was racing, and he heard her gasp' rag painfully for every swift,
shallow breath she took. For all the color there was in her face, she
might as well have been a ghost. Drew knew enough first aid to be
scared. He wondered if he'd just sent the woman into heart failure.

"I don't want to see that picture," she said weakly.

"It's all right," he said, not believing it himself, but needing to say
something to try to reassure her.

It's been ten years, he wanted to tell the poor woman. Ten years, for
Christ's sake. Didn't it ever get better? Hadn't any of them found a
way to live with what had happened to Annie? Was he going to hurt
Carolyn just as much as he'd hurt her mother, just by showing this
picture and tracking down this lead?

What in hell had he started here?

He wondered, even as he picked up the phone and dialed 911. He
remembered the address without any problem, and answered the
dispatcher's questions as best he could while he tried to calm Mrs.
McKay down.

He knew CPR, and he'd used it before. If need be, he could do it again
to try to keep this poor woman alive until the ambulance arrived.

But he didn't need to do that just yet. He loosened the top two
buttons of her blouse, kept one hand on the pulse at her neck, and
watched her struggle for breath.

"Slowly," he told her. "Try to slow it down a little. Take deep
breaths, if you can."

He was still checking to make sure Mrs. McKay's l~cart was beating,
however rapidly, still trying to quiet her breathless ramblings about
not wanting to see that picture, when he heard the ambulance pull up
outside.

Drew went to the door and waved the two men inside.

"This way," he told them, stepping aside. "Her pulse is racing, and
she's having trouble breathing."

"What happened?" one of the men asked as they walked across the
room.

"She grabbed her chest and said it hurt."

"Okay." One of the men dropped to his knees beside the woman and
opened one of his bags.

Drew stepped aside and looked away as they started working over the
woman. He picked up the picture of Sara

Parker that he'd dropped when Grace McKay collapsed, and put it back in
his jacket pocket, next to the one of Annie McKay, which surely would
have upset her even more.

 
 

 

عرض البوم صور nargis  
قديم 15-09-07, 01:20 PM   المشاركة رقم: 3
المعلومات
الكاتب:
اللقب:
ليلاس متالق


البيانات
التسجيل: Jun 2006
العضوية: 6878
المشاركات: 209
الجنس أنثى
معدل التقييم: nargis عضو بحاجه الى تحسين وضعه
نقاط التقييم: 16

االدولة
البلدSweden
 
مدونتي

 

الإتصالات
الحالة:
nargis غير متواجد حالياً
وسائل الإتصال:

كاتب الموضوع : nargis المنتدى : الارشيف
افتراضي

 

Chapter2

It didn't take the EMS workers long to decide to transport Grace McKay
to the hospital. Just before they-wheeled her out the door, she
grabbed Drew's hand and mouthed something that sounded like "Billy."
~

"Who's Billy?" he said, afraid that he already knew. He must he
Carolyn's son. It must be almost time for school to get out. Maybe
she baby-sat for 'the boy. "Don't worry," he told this woman who'd
hated him on sight eleven years ago. "I'll call Carolyn. We'll take
care of everything."

The paramedics loaded her in the ambulance. They were getting ready to
pull away from the curb when a yellow school bus came down the
street.

With its brakes screeching, the bus pulled to a stop in front of the
house. The doors folded open, and a little boy stepped outside.

He was long and lanky, his arms and legs seeming to be too big for the
rest of his body, though he'd no doubt grow into them in time. He was
wearing a pair of jeans with an oversize T-shirt and a pair of
expensive black high-tops. Drew figure~l he had to be at least six.
Maybe seven.

The boy looked at Drew, then turned to watch the ambulance heading down
the street. Drew noticed with dismay that the bus driver didn't even
wait to see what happened to the boy. She would have had to be blind
not to see the ambulance in front of his house. He was furious that
the woman had pulled away without a word. Anything could have happened
to the boy, now that there was no one in the house to watch over him.

He'd have a word with the school superintendent about child safety
tomorrow, but right now he had to concentrate on not scaring the boy.

He'd stopped on the sidewalk just outside the gate, and now he stood
staring at the ambulance, which was disappearing from view. It was
when the kid turned his face slightly to the left--to look at him
without really seeming to look at him--that Drew noticed the
resemblance in the kid's little turned-up nose. He'd teased Carolyn
about being stuck-u. p, until she'd finally confessed how much she
hated that nose of hers. The boy had her freckles, too, and what Drew
thought would someday be a perfect match for Carolyn's hair color. For
now, it was a shade or two lighter than what Drew remembered. Either
that, or the sun bleached it out a little in the summer.

Damn. Here he was, face-to-face with Carolyn's child. There was no
doubt in his mind.

It hurt, too, more than it should have. After all, he hadn't seen the
woman in ten years. He'd walked out on her, and he'd never come back.
He couldn't very well expect her to have been sitting here waiting for
him all this time.

He wondered about the man she'd married, wondered if they were happy,
if they had any other children. And he prayed to God that they would
forever be safe and healthy.

"Is my mama all right?" A hesitant little voice pulled Drew back to
the situation at hand.

"I'm sure she's fine," Drew said, still studying the boy.

"Where is she going?" the boy said, turning again to watch the
ambulance, which was nearly out of sight.

"Going?" Drew said, hoping like hell he didn't have to come
face-to-face with her anytime soon, yet knowing that he probably would
have to do that. "Her name is Carolyn, right?"

The kid shook his head back and forth.

"Isn't this your grandmother's house?"

Again, the kid shook his head. Drew was stumped. The kid was wary of
him, as well he should be, because the boy didn't know him. Obviously,
someone had taught him to steer clear of strangers. Drew didn't want
to do anything to discourage that. Still, what was he going to do with
the kid?

"Do you live here?" he said, deciding that was as good a place to
start as anywhere. "Yes," the boy admitted. "And you're Billy?"

That didn't give him any clues as to what he was facing. He would have
simply explained to the boy that Mrs. McKay had made him promise to
look out for him, but he hated to do that to the kid. It was too easy
for grownups, any grown-ups, to say something like that to children and
get them to go anywhere with them. He tried something else. "Billy,
what are you supposed to do if you come home and no one's here?"

"Go to Mrs. Martin's house across the street."

That was good. The kid had a plan. Every kid needed a plan. "Why
don't you go ahead, then? I'll watch you to make sure you get across
the street in one piece."

"Okay," the boy said, obviously relieved. He turned to go.

Drew watched him run to the other house and ring the bell. He wondered
who the kid could be~ From what he remembered, Carolyn didn't have. any
close relatives in town, and obviously Billy was related to her.

He couldn't leave until the boy was safe. Then he . cided he'd go
inside and try to find Carolyn's number, so that he could tell her
about her mother.

He stood there in the front yard, waiting for the lady across the
street to answer the door. But she didn't. Billy rang the bell again
and again, then finally came back across the street to stand on the
sidewalk again.

"I forgot. She went to visit her grandkids," he said. Drew watched as
the boy's eyes turned all watery. He struggled not to cry, choosing to
bite his lower lip instead~ He had Carolyn's eyes, too, a deep, dark
green.

"Okay," Drew said. "We've got a problem. What are we going to do with
you?"

The boy looked at the ground, scuffed his shoes on the sidewalk and
wiped away a tear. Drew thought he seemed terrified of being here
alone with him. "What's your name, son?"

"Billy."

Drew had to smile. The kid had no clue. "Billy what?" "Billy
McKay."

"I'm Drew," he said, but made no move to shake the boy's hand. He
didn't want to Spock him by trying to touch him. "And you know
Carolyn?"

"Uh-huh."

"How do you know her?"

"She's my sister."

That took a little while for Drew to absorb. "You mean Grace McKay is
your mother?"

The kid nodded. "Did the ambulance take her away?" "Yes," Drew
said.

"Is she gonna he okay?"

"I think so." He didn't have the guts to tell him anything different,
not when he was so upset already. '

They both just stood there and stared at each other for a minute, both
of them at a loss.

Carolyn had a little brother? He supposed that was possible. He
guessed her mother would be in her late forties, from what he
remembered, and women were having children later and later in life now.
Also, it wasn't that uncommon for people who had lost one child to have
another. Some people had told him it helped to have someone else to
love and to fill the time and the silence left behind, although Draw
wondered where they found the courage to bring another child into this
crazy, mixed-up world.

It seemed an awful risk to' take--seemed they'd he scared of having
someone else to lose.

It was cynical of him, but then, he'd turned into a cynical man. A
cynical, solitary man. Sometimes--nO, most of the time--it didn't seem
so bad, having no one and nothing to lose.

He didn't have anyone at all in his life who was truly important to
him. He couldn't have said he regretted that, at least not very
often.

Drew felt something tugging on the jacket of his suit, looked down and
saw the boy.

"I'm not supposed to talk to strangers," he said. Drew finally smiled.
"I know. That's a good rule."

"But I want to go see my more."

"Okay, what if we call your sister? Would you like that?"

The kid hesitated and looked even more worried. "I

don't know if she can come. "

"Why don't we try?"

Drew turned and started up the walkway to the house. Billy lagged
behind.

"Hey, mister, wait," he said. "I'm not supposed to let anyone into the
house if I don't know them."

"Okay, do you know Carolyn's number?"

He shook his head.

Drew thought that was strange, but he didn't say anything~ He'd thought
he'd just let the kid go inside by himself and call. Carolyn could
tell him that he didn't have to be afraid of Drew, then the two of them
could wait there together for her to come get him.

Drew didn't like trying to talk kids around the safety rules they'd
been taught. He would have just flashed his badge and told Billy it
was Okay to talk to him, but any two-bit crook could buy a phony badge
and talk kids into just about anything. It ticked him off, and it made
it next to impossible to reassure a scared child, that it was all right
to talk to him.

"How about this, Billy? You sit here on the porch. I'll go inside,
find your sister's number, and I'll call her. We can wait out here
together for her, okay?"

"Okay," the kid said, momentarily relieved. "But I don't know if
she'll come."

Drew went back inside and headed for the phone. He found a cordless in
the kitchen. Reading the label on the base station, he saw that
Carolyn's numbers--both home and work--were programmed into the
speed-dial memory. Grimly he pressed the one for her home. He sweated
out five rings before he gave up on that and tried the work phone. It
wasn't until the second call went through that he noticed it seemed to
take forever for the phone to dial the programmed number.

He thought the woman who answered the phone said, "Hope House," but he
couldn't be sure.

"Carolyn McKay?" he said, only then realizing he'd used her maiden
name without even thinking about it.

But she must still be using it herself, because the woman gave him a
crisp "Just a moment, sir," then put him on hold.

Hope House? The name meant something to him, but what?

He wondered where it was. From the name, he'd thought it must be
somewhere in town, but now that he thought about it, there'd been too
many pulses on the line when the call went through. He'd definitely
called long-distance.

He wondered how far away she was, wondered if he'd be seeing her
sometime today, or if she'd simply direct him to take the boy to
someone else in town until she could get there.

Drew wanted to see her. He didn't think he could leave town without
doing that. He didn't'Carolyn McKay," she said when she came on the
line. She didn't sound at all like the girl he'd known, and yet she
did. Her voice was calm, cool and authoritative, maybe a bit rushed.
Still, he sensed the vulnerability.

But how could he? he argued with himself. She said two little words
across a hair-thin wire, the first he'd heard from her in nearly ten
years, and he thought he detected something like that in her voice? He
must be dreaming. It was just the past--the image that he'd always
carried of her. She'd been the most vulnerable person he'd ever known.
He'd come into her life at the worst possible time, and he'd hurt
her.

"Hello?" she said. "Is anyone there?"

Drew couldn't help it. He wondered if she still wore her hair long and
loose around her shoulders, wondered whether she still had those
freckles on her nose and whether she ever let them show anymore. He
wondered Damn He had to pull himself together here. This wasn't the
time for a trip down memory lane.

"Carolyn?" he managed to say.

"Yes." She'd gone all wary on him now. "Who is this?"

"It's Drew," he said, glad not to hear the slightest tremor in his
voice.

"Drew?"

"Don't tell me you forgot," he said, thinking he might brazen his way
through this.

He'd left her speechless. For a moment, he believed they'd gotten
cutoff, but then he detected the faint sound of her breathing on the
other end of the line.

And then he found himself rushing into ~ business at hand, putting the
past where it belonged--in the past.

"Carolyn, I'm at your mother's house. She's, uh ... she had a problem
this afternoon, and she's been taken' to the hospital."

"A problem? What kind of a problem? Is she all right?" she said.

"I'm sorry. I don't know much. She was in a lot of pain, and it may
be her heart. The par medics took her to Hope Memorial about twenty
minutes ago, and I'm here with Billy. He says he's supposed to go to a
neighbor's if the house is empty, but the neighbor's away on
vacation.

didn't know what else to do with him, so I called you. " He finished
to dead silence on the line. " Carolyn? " he said finally.

"Yes," she said. "I'm--I'm sorry. I'm just surprised, that's all."

"Of course," he said, rushing on. "Where are you? Do~ you want to
come get him? Or is there someone else who can take care of him?"

"I don't know," she said. "I'm in Chicago. I could be there in about
three hours, if I drive straight through and get lucky with the
traffic. I don't know who else could take care of Billy. My father
died six months ago, and... Drew?"

"Why are you there?"

She sounded terrified by the very idea, and he wondered if there was
any way she could already know why he was here. He didn't see how that
was possible, unless she somehow knew what he did for a living, and
that seemed unlikely. And if she didn't know, he certainly didn't want
to get into it with her right now, on the phone.

"I'll explain when you get here," he said.

He would explain when she got there?

Carolyn nearly dropped the phone, just thinking about what possible
explanations he might have for being there. What explanation could
there possibly be?

Drew was back in Hope. He was at her parent~' home, and he was with
Billy.

Oh, dear God, he was with Billy.

 
 

 

عرض البوم صور nargis  
قديم 15-09-07, 01:23 PM   المشاركة رقم: 4
المعلومات
الكاتب:
اللقب:
ليلاس متالق


البيانات
التسجيل: Jun 2006
العضوية: 6878
المشاركات: 209
الجنس أنثى
معدل التقييم: nargis عضو بحاجه الى تحسين وضعه
نقاط التقييم: 16

االدولة
البلدSweden
 
مدونتي

 

الإتصالات
الحالة:
nargis غير متواجد حالياً
وسائل الإتصال:

كاتب الموضوع : nargis المنتدى : الارشيف
افتراضي

 

Chapter3

' Carolyn? "

From what seemed like a million miles away, she heard the voice. "Yes,"
she said, pulling the phone back to her ear.

"Did you hear what i just said?"

No, she hadn't. Not a word. She was so frightened, she'd been lost in
thought, worrying about her mother and imagining the worst possible
circumstances that could have brought Drew back to Hope, Illinois.

"I'm sorry," she said inW the phone. "I've... I can't..." And then
she simply gave up on explaining. "What were you asking me?"

"About Billy?"

"Yes," she said, starting to shake now. Hadn't he said he would
explain when she got there?

"He doesn't know me. He just got the ambulance was leaving, and found
me here. He's. frightened of me. Can you talk to him? Tell him
everything's all right?"

"Of course," she said, ashamed of herself now. Natu--rally Billy would
be frightened. He knew, better than most children, how dangerous
strangers could he.

She heard the sound of Drew's footsteps as he moved through the house,
heard the sound of the door opening, then, from the occasional traffic
sounds, realized he must have taken the cordless phone outside.

There-was a long pause, then something Drew said that she couldn't make
out, followed by Billy's defiant answer.

"She won't come."

And Carolyn thought he must be crying then, because she heard something
that sounded like sniffling, and it wasn't coming from her. Though her
eyes soon filled with t~u~s of her own, and her blood turned to ice in
her veins,

she made no sound that would have given her away.

Sloe won't come.

"Billy?" she said, though it did no good. He wasn't on the other end
of the line yet.

How could he think she wouldn't come? She loved him with all her heart
and soul. It was hard for her to be in Chicago, so faraway from him,
but it was also necessary.

She was only his sister, when she wanted to be so much more. She'd
made her decision years ago, and 'she couldn't change her mind now--not
when so many people stood to be hurt by it.

Especially B'my.

And she would not let herself hurt Billy.

But judging by what she was hearing from the other end of the phone,
she'd done just that. Carolyn had never heard him speak of her with
such anger in his voice.

"What do you mean, she won't come?" she heard Drew say, when she could
bear to listen again.

"She never comes anymore. Ever since my dad died, she's always too
busy to come and see us."

Oh, Billy, she thought helpl~sly. Had she really given him that
impression? That she was too busy to see him?

It's not that, she wanted to tell him now~ It's not that at all.

"She won't come," she heard him repeat defiantly. And then,
mercifully, Drew clasped his hand over the phone. At least, that was
all she could figure out, bemuse, for a while, she heard nothing from
the other end.

Drew had a hard time believing what he was hearing and seeing. The boy
was quite upset, and he meant every word he'd said about Carolyn.

She's always too busy to come and see us.

He'd spoken so bitterly about her. Drew couldn't reconcile the image
of the uncaring sister Billy believed her to be with the reality of the
girl he'd known. Carolyn had been devoted to Annie. She'd been lost
without the little girl, and she'd grieved alone, for the most part,
because her parents had been too caught up in their own pain to be any
real help to her. That wasn't a criticism, it was merely a statement
of fact. Some things were simply too overwhelming for people to
handle, and Annie's disappearance had been one of those things.

He hadn't been able to handle it himself.

So, he rationalized, maybe Billy was too much for Carolyn, as well.
Maybe, as she saw it, the risks were too great. Maybe loving him would
be too dangerous for her to handle while she was still trying to make
sense of her siSter's

Maybe he could understand.

He wondered if he could ever explain it to the boy, if he got the
chance. Of course, now wasn't the time. He still had Carolyn on the
line.

With his hand still pressed against the mouthpiece of the phone,
hopefully blocking out the harsh words from the boy, Drew sat down on
the brick steps leading up to the porch and looked the kid straight in
the eye.

"Carolyn needs to talk to you, Billy," he said, in his best no-nonsense
law-enforcement-officer voice.

Drew gave the boy no choice--the boy had to either hold on to the phone
or let it fall to the sidewalk. Billy chose to take it.

"Say hello to her," Drew said, prompting him.

The boy sniffled once, then backhanded his wet cheeks and wiped his
hand on his jeans. Finally, he brought the phone to his face.
"Hello."

Their conversation was brief and stilted. Billy had nothing but
uh-huhs to say to her. He didn't even tell her goodbye, just handed
the phone back to Drew.

Drew put the receiver to his ear and heard the muffled yet unmistakable
sound of Carolyn McKay weeping.

Drew was no stranger to a woman's tears, and he didn't turn to mush at
the sight of a. woman crying. In his business, more often than not,
the women he had to deal with were upset, many of them in tears. He'd
grown immune to it all over the years, ~and he wouldn't have thought
any one's tears could get to him so hard and so fast.

But this was Carolyn.

She was different. She made him ~eel as if his own heart might be
weeping inside his chest. He felt the pain as if it were his own, and
wished he could make it so. Once, it had been his mission in life to
make her laugh, to coax just one smile onto her pretty face. It had
started as a sort of penance for him--a punishment for his sins,
whether real or imagined. He'd helped bring on her pain over losing
Annie, so it was his duty to try to ease that pain as much as he
could.

Of course, it had been more than that. She was much more to him than a
girl who'd lost her sister and had no one to turn to as she tried to
deal with that loss.

Once, Carolyn McKay had been everything to him.

And now she was hundreds of miles away, sobbing as softly as possible
on the other end of this phone.

"Aw, Carolyn..." he said, the way he must have said her name a
thousand times before, the way he must have called out to her somewhere
deep in the night in the midst of some dream that would have been
better off forgotten long ago.

He simply couldn't help himself. He still had dreams about her and the
way things had been between them. That, in itself, was amazing, given
the time that had passed and the fact that they'd had absolutely no
contact in the intervening years.

"Don't cry, sweetheart," he said, the endearment slipping out as
naturally as her name. Drew didn't even stop to question that. He
just couldn't stand to hear her ~ry anymore. "He didn't mean it. I'm
sure he didn't. It's probably nothing more than a misunderstanding.
You'll straighten it out in no time, once you get here."

"It's not what you think," she said, her breathing settling down now,
as she fought for control. "Ever s'nice Dad died, six months ago,"
it's been so hard to be there. My mother and I. we haven't been
getting along that well, and I've done what she asked. I've stayed
away. But . I never imagined Billy would think anything like that.
Oh, God, Drew, I just didn't think of that. "

"Carolyn, come on. It's all right. I'm sure you can explain
everything to him when you get here, okay?"

"All right," she said. "I'm sorry. I'm not usually like

' ~"I know."

It was a silly thing to say, but she'd seemed to need to hear it, so
herd said it. And he believed it, too. The girl he'd known would
never have been too busy to make time for a little boy. He wouldn't
believe the woman could be like that, either.

"So, are you coming?"

"Yes. I'll drive down. I can get anything I need when I arrive. With
luck, if I beat the rush-hour traffic, I'll be there by seven." ~

"And Billy's all right with that? You told him he could trust me?"

"Then we'll be here waiting for you."

And he didn't know what else to say then. Apparently, neither did she,
because the conversation just died, but neither of them made any move
to break the connection. Though tenuous at best, it was the only link
between them in more than nine years.

So they sat there for a moment, listening to each o~her breathe. He
tried to picture her face as it would look now, but saw nothing but the
girl.

He'd loved her once. He'd lived for her.

Drew closed his eyes and tried to reach back inside himself for that
feeling--of living for Carolyn, with Carolyn, within her.

She was so close now. Three measly hours and she'd be here. How would
that feel--to see her again, perhaps to touch her once more?

It couldn't possibly feel the same. The years couldn't simply fall
away, and yet Drew felt somehow that they had.

Three hours, she'd said. He didn't see how he could wait that long.

"I've missed you, Carolyn," he confessed, without one regret. ~

"Oh, Drew..." she said, and he thought he might have set off her
crying again.

"Drive safely," he told her.

The minute she got off the phone, Carolyn simply collapsed. The phone
banged back down onto the receiver. She wasted precious energy trying
to stay upright before giving in to the awful weakness invading her
limbs.

It was a LITTLE better when her head came down to the top of her
immaculate white desk. She had this childish urge to take her arms,
her hands, and wrap them around her head, to try to block out the whole
world and hide here in her nice, safe office, surrounded by people with
whom she knew she was secure.

She looked at the lock on the door, the one she rarely used, and
thought about turning it now, thought about locking herself away here.
She could stay until the shaking stopped, until she could breathe again
and felt able to cope with the task ahead of her.

Bat she couldn't do that. She didn't have time. Her mother was sick.
That was so hard to believe. Her mother was never sick. She picke~l.
up the phone again, because she needed to call Hope Memorial Hospit91,
but she got sidetracked by thoughts of Drew.

Drew was waiting for her--Drew and Billy were waiting for her--and she
had to get to them. Billy was frightened. No doubt, Drew was angry
with her and waiting for an explanation--one she simply didn't have to
give.

Her corner office, behind its locked door, looked pretty good to her
now. She was still shaking, and she wasn't certain she was getting
enough air into her lungs to satisfy her. She wasn't sure when either
one of those nervous reactions would subside.

She hadn't been this out of control for years, and she couldn't help
it.

Carolyn looked dbwn at the notepad in front of her. Sometime during
their conversation, Drew had given her the phone number for the
hospital, and she'd scribbled it on the pad.

It was so hard to believe--Drew was there.

He was waiting for her.

God, had he really said he'd missed her?

Nearly ten years and not a word from him, yet now h~ was back. How
could that be? People just didn't drop out of the sky and land in
Hope, Illinois. He had a purpose in coming back, and she was afraid
she knew exactly what that purpose was.

He must be looking for someone--and it wasn't her.

He was after her son--their son. A miracle, in the form of a child.

The boy the whole world thought of as her little brother.

He'd never understand what she'd done, especially when she didn't even
understand it all herself anymore. Carolyn argued back and forth that
way with herself as she drove through the steadily falling rain that
had dogged her all the way from the outskirts of Chicago.

Once she'd pulled herself together, she'd quickly called the hospital
to check on her mother's condition--stable, though they weren't sure
exactly what was wrong with her. Then she'd given a hasty explanation
to her secretary and gotten in her ear, beating the worst of the
afternoon traffic.

It wasn't that much of a drive, three hours in most eases, yet she'd
rarely made the trip in the past six months. She had been busy.
Purposely, she kept very busy. The schedule suited her, for it left
little time for anything else. But that certainly wasn't the reason
she'd seldom made it back to Hope lately.

She'd gone often before her father died, even though the trip had been
quite painful for her. The house, in many ways, remained a kind of
shrine to Annie, who'd been gone for ten years now. Her room was still
intact, waiting for a little girl who no longer existed. Her pictures
still hung on the wall, and that alone would have been enough to keep
Carolyn away from the house.

She had her own pictures of Annie, which she kept hidden away in the
back of a drawer and took out only once in a while, only when she
thought she could handle it. But to just glance up at the living room
wall and see Annie's face, day after day, with no warning and no time
to prepare? Carolyn couldn't take that. She wasn't sure how her
mother could do that, either.

And, if Annie's memory wasn't enough, there was Billy, and her memories
of Drew. The three of them gave her more than enough reason to stay
away, and somehow her recollections of them all had gotten hopelessly
intertwined in her mind. Carolyn couldn't s~parate the memo-ri s of
one from another.

She'd adored Annie, and she'd lost her. She'd loved Drew, the way she
hadn't loved another man since, and he'd left her. Carolyn had tried
hard to guard her heart against loving Billy, because she'd feared he
was lost to her before he had ever been born.

Of course, she hadn't really been able to do that. Billy had found his
own very special place in her heart, and she loved him. She loved him
too much. More than she had a right to. And she wanted things from
him that she couldn't have. She wanted to give him everything--all the
love she had to give: But she wasn't free to do that.

For all he and the rest of the world knew, she was nothing more than
his older sister. That was all she'd thought she'd ever he--until her
father died.

That had truly shaken her. Besides missing him terribly herself, for
he'd been a wonderful father, she'd grieved for Billy and the loss he'd
suffered.

When she, at seventeen, had made the difficult decision to give her
baby to her parents to raise as their own, she'd known very clearly
what she wanted for him. A loving father, a caring mother, a strong
family--strong despite the tragedy they'd experienced.

Her parents had married young, as soon as her mother got out of high
school, and they'd had her right away. Her mother had been only
thirty-seven years. old, her father forty, when Billy was born, and
both of them had been in good health.

Carolyn had felt sure that they'd be there to raise him to adulthood.
And she had to admit they'd needed Billy so much after losing Annie.
Billy had been their miracle, their reason for getting up in the
morning, for putting a smile on their faces, for going on living.
They'd devoted themselves to him, and Billy had flourished under all
that love.

If nothing else, she could reassure Drew with that. Their son had
lived a wonderful, safe, happy life. She'd done that one thing right;
she'd made sure Billy had all those things.

But her father's sudden death, from an anenrysm, had been a shock to
them all. And it had created anew this terrible yearning inside
Carolyn, one that she'd fought for the past nine years and successfully
kept at bay, the yearning to be more to Billy than just a sister.

Of course, she couldn't do that. She'd made her decision endless years
ago,~ and she couldn't go back on it now. It wouldn't be fair to
anyone--least of all to Billy.

But she couldn't help how she felt. She'd tried simply to bring the
subject out into the open for discussion with her mother about five
months ago, but the woman had hit the ceiling. Things had been
strained between them ever since. Carolyn knew her mother felt
threatened by her feelings for Billy, knew that it must be incredibly
hard for Grace to think about losing Billy so soon after losing her
husband.

But Carolyn didn't see it that way. She didn't understand why her
mother thought she had to lose a child in order for Carolyn to gain
one. Surely there was enough time and love for both of them to share
him. Carolyn didn't want to take anything away from Billy. She wanted
very much to give things back to him--his sense of security, for one
thing.

But she hadn't been able to explain that to her mother yet, and she'd
followed Grace's wishes and kept her distance these past few months in
hopes that the older woman would calm down and see things more
clearly.

And now her mother was ill? She couldn't let herself think of all that
might mean. Carolyn and Grace had their problems--what mother and
daughter didn't? But she truly loved her mother, and she couldn't
imagine losing her. Nor could she imagine what it would do to Billy.

Of course, while all this was raging inside her head, she also kept
thinking of Drew.

She was still angry at the way he'd 'walked away from her all those
years ago, but foremost in her mind was the fact that he'd somehow
found out about Billy. He'd want an explanation for what she'd done;
he would insist on that. And she'd never be able to make him
understand.

She could beg and plead and cry, if she sank so low that she reached
that point, but it wouldn't make any difference. It wouldn't change
anything. It wouldn't give him back the years with Billy, if he
regretted- the loss of those years and wanted them back. And Carolyn
felt sure that he would.

He would he furious. But, somehow, she would have' to get around his
anger. She had to make him see this whole thing from her point of
view.

It wasn't as if she didn't hate herself for what she'd done--but it was
a futile exercise. She couldn't change the decisions she'd made in her
life. She couldn't explain the things that had happened, or find any
useful purpose in ~them all. And she had no insights that had ever
allowed her to accept it-all with grace, as a better woman might have
done.

She'd had Drew Delaney's son, without ever letting him know the child
existed, and she'd given up that child without ever giving Drew the
chance to have a say about what happened to the boy.

It was the irrefutable truth.

What could possibly matter so much after that
?

 
 

 

عرض البوم صور nargis  
قديم 15-09-07, 01:35 PM   المشاركة رقم: 5
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افتراضي

 

Chapter4

She'd braced herself to drive down that familiar street, to walk into
that house and see them--and it had all been for nothing. ~

They weren't there. ~

Instead, she found a note in what had to be Drew's handwriting. That
alone shook her, holding something that he'd written, She'd waited
years for just a letter from him--something, anything, to explain why
he'd sun ply disappeared from Hope. And she'd gotten nothing. He'd
never written a word. Now, he'd been in her parents' house. He'd been
there when the ambulance took her mother away and when the school bus
dropped Billy off. It was all so strange and so hard to believe.

Billy had gotten upset, he told her in the note. He'd wanted to see
his mother, and Drew had decided to take him to the hospital for a
visit while they waited for Carolyn to arrive. She wondered if the two
of them were still at the hospital, wondered where she'd rather face
them--here in the house, by herself, or in a hospital full of
strangers.

Carolyn leaned against the living room wall for a moment, her eyes
carefully downcast so that she could avoid seeing any of the
pictures--either those of Annie or the ones of Billy. She concentrated
hard on trying to stop shaking. She had spells like this, when she
simply couldn't stop shaking. Her therapist would probably have some l
two-hundred-dollar word for it, but she simply called them spells. The
past caught up with her sometimes, and when it happened she couldn't do
anything but shake.

She'd had them since the age of seventeen, s'nice Annie had
disappeared, since the time she'd faced the fact that Annie wasn't ever
coming back. And she tried not to make a big thing out of them.
Everyone had problems, some worse than others. People coped in
different ways. Some drank. Some smoked. Carolyn got the shakes eve~
now and then. It didn't sound so bad when she thought of it that
way.

But she'd have to control it now. Billy didn't need to see her this
upset. And Drew? She suspected it wouldn't matter that much to him.
No doubt he'd he too angry to care about her own problems, because
she'd taken his son from him.

In that instant, Carolyn knew she had no time to waste. ~ She'd much
rather find them at the hospital than here at home~ Strangers were
definitely preferable to the privacy of these walls.

She gave herself the luxury of a few deep breaths, now that the worst
of the shakes had passed, then walked back out the door. Hope Memorial
was only ten minutes away. Sooner than she would have liked, she was
walking down a hallway at the hospital, following the instructions the
receptionist had given her to help her find her mother's room.

She couldn't imagine her mother suffering a heart attack at
forty-seven. Her mother was never sick.

She rounded the last corner, found room 203, then quickly scanned the
corridor for any sign of Drew or Billy. She nearly missed them. Just
when she'd decided to turn and go into the room, she caught the sound
of Drew,s voice coming from a room down the hall.

Her' head whirled around, her gaze zeroing in on a room about ten feet
away and to the right. Room 203, her mother's room, was just to the
left, and she thought about slipping in there, taking the coward's way
out--but Drew's voice was so compelling. He was right here, right on
the other side of that wall, and she hadn't seen him in so long.

Even though she dreaded what was sure to take place between them, she
wanted to see fiim so badly.

Still, she should have waited. She should have headed back down the
hall and hidden herself away, just for a few moments, and she would
have, if she'd thought it would do any good.

But it wouldn't. No amount of time would have allowed her to prepare
for this moment. There was no way to be prepared. It was an
unmanageable situation. She'd been involved in too many of them not to
recognize that.

She wondered if he'd hate her for what she'd done, even as she took
that first step toward him,

Carolyn was careful to stop just outside the open door, which was
marked Family Waiting Room. Not wanting to draw attention to herself
just yet, she somehow managed to keep silent. But it was hard' It was
incredible and exhilarating and frightening--all at the same time. The
emotions rolled over her, like waves breaking over her head, choking
her.

Clamping a hand over her mouth, she drank in the sight of the two of
them, together for the first time.

Drew had his back to her, and he was down on one knee so that he could
look Billy in the eye. She took a moment to study them both. Carolyn
couldn't tell much about how

Drew looked now, except that his hair was now short, but still full of
those small, tight curls, and he still had a beard.

Billy had Drew's hair, even had it styled in nearly the same way;
curling waves of golden brown, clipped close to his head and brushed
back from his face. Billy's was lighter, but time would change that.
Someday it would be as dark and brown as Drew's was.

Her son had his walk, too, that loose swaying of his backside and those
long legs. She'd tried not to notice over the years, tried not to
search through her mind for memories of Drew with which to compare him,
but it was one of those inevitable things. It could not be avoided.
They were father and son. NatUrally, they were alike in so many
ways.

Billy got up from the chair, and Carolyn quickly stepped sideways,
hiding herself behind the doorway, buying her; self a few more moments
to herself Billy seemed so much taller now. The last time she'd seen
him had been three months ago, when she'd come here to try to talk to
her mother. He seemed to have grown so much in just a few months. The
time just flew by--another month, another season, another year of his
life that she'd missed. He seemed so grown-up now, she could hardly
believe it.

Carolyn was bracing herself for the walk through that door when she
realized Billy was becoming upset. Drew held him by the arms when the
boy tried to pull away.

"Wait a minute," he said. "What's wrong.9 What are you so afraid
of?"

"She's going to die," Billy said, his lower lip trembling now. "My
mama's going to die."

Carolyn once again-had to press a hand over her mouth to stay silent.
Could that be true? Was the situation much more serious than the nurse
had led her to believe when she called to check on her mother's
condition?

"No, she's not," she heard Drew tell Billy. "She's just had a rough
time of it since your father died, and she hasn't been taking care of
herself the way she should. But that's all it is, Billy."

The child just shook his head defiantly. "She's going to die, just
like my dad, and then I won't have anybody."

Carolyn should have spoken up then. She should have been the one to
take him in her arms and promise him that he'd never be alone in this
world, but it was Drew who was there instead.

Drew, already on his knees in front of Billy, hauled him up against his
chest and held him there, despite the resistance Billy put up. He held
on to him until he wasn't fighting anymore, until Billy's head came
down to Drew's shoulder, his arms closed around Drew's neck, and sobs
shook his whole body.

It should be me, Carolyn thought. I should be holding on to Billy that
way. He should have come to me, and I should have been there for
him.

Instead, she stood alone in the doorway. With her back rigid, the
breath frozen in her lungs, her arms wrapped around her own waist, she
tried to hold herself together with nothing but the memory of what it
had felt like to be in Drew's arms. He'd held her just like that, so
many times.

It should have been me, she'd told him, so many years ago. I should
have been the one who was walking by myself that day. I should have
been the one who was taken. Annie should still be here.

Somehow, everything in her whole life had started and ended with
Annie's disappearance.

Drew had heard it all from her, many times before. He'd understood,
and he'd tried to comfort her, to help her make sense of it all as well
as two teenagers could understand something that left adults absolutely
baffled. She'd lost Annie. She'd lost Drew and their son. Oh, God.
What a mess.

From inside the tiny waiting room, she heard Billy call out. "Carolyn's
mad at us, and I don't think she loves us anymore," he said. "I heard
her and morn yelling at each other the last time she was here. She's
selfish and mean. I heard my mom tell her so. And she won't come."

Drew yelled at him then. "Billy! That's enough."

"I'm telling you, she's not coming."

"She's right over there," Drew said, settling that whole argument,
leaving both her and Billy speechless.

Carolyn stared from one of them to the other. Drew let go of Billy,
stood and turned around to face her. By the way he was looking at her,
as if he would have done anything to have kept her from overhearing
those words, she decided he must pity her. That fact, and nothing but
that, was what she needed to hold herself together. It was by Sheer
force of will that she kept her tears from falling. Her shoulders
didn't sag, and her chin went up another fraction. She would not have
Drew feeling sorry for her he-cause of the mess she'd created.

Billy didn't say anything. If he could tell how much he'd upset her,
he didn't seem to care, because he stood deft-antly by Drew's side.

She wanted to go to him then, wanted to wrap her arms around him and
never let go.

H~r son thought she didn't care about him. He thought she couldn't
even spare a day or so here and there to come to see him. He seemed to
honestly believe that the only mother he'd ever known was going to die
and leave him all alone in this world. He had no idea how wrong he
was.

"Billy..." she began, but she couldn't get anything else out.

He turned to face her, obviously uneasy about having been overheard.
His lower lip was trembling, and his face was streaked with the remains
of his tears.

Carolyn felt his pain like a dagger shoved into her chest. She would
have done anything in this world to keep from hurting him, even if it
meant hurting herself. And he didn't seem to understand that at all.
She didn't see how she could explain it ~o him, either.

He hesitated for a minute. She held out her arms to him in a silent
invitation as she watched him wavering. Then he brushed right past
her.

"I'm going to see my morn," he told Drew, pointexily ignoring her as he
walked out the door and into the room across the hall.

Carolyn watched him go. She stood there in the hallway as the door to
her mother's room slowly slid shut behind Billy. She stood there
trembling, her stomach in knots, not knowing what to do next.

Drew was watching her; she felt that so clearly, though she had her
back turned to him now~ He was waiting, and she had to turn around and
do something, tell him something, yet she had no idea what. She'd
never find the words. She'd never make him understand. And right now
she was too worried about Billy to even try.

"I'm going to go talk to Billy," she said, without turning around to
face him. But Drew would have none of that. He took her by the arm
and turned her around, pulled her into the room with him and 'closed
the door.

"I have to talk to him," she said. "I have to explain. I have to go
to him, and"

"In a minute," he said, quite calmly, quite gently. "First I think
you'd better sit down, before you fall down."

"I..." She didn't know what to make of that. Her eyes darted around
the room, taking in the beat-up old couch, the uncomfortable plastic
chairs, the magazines scattered across the end tables, the emptiness.
Mostly the emptiness. She was alone here with him, when she'd so hoped
for the presence of strangers to act as a buffer between them.

Carolyn shook her head sadly. Her tears lay heavily in her eyes, stiff
threatening to overflow, and she wished she'd been the one to end up
standing against the wall, the way he was, instead of here in the
middle of the room, with nothing to lean on, nothing to hold her up.
Because he was right. She might well fall flat on her face.

"Drew, it's not usually like this between us," she had to tell him.
"Things have just been so difficult ... since my father died. I had no
idea Billy was so angry at me."

As he watched her struggling with her composure, watched her literally
swaying on her feet, Drew didn't know where he'd find it in his heart
to tell her what had brought him back to Hope, or about the role he'd
played in her mother's collapse. There'd be time for that later, when
she was up to hearing it.

Rig~ now, he didn't think Carolyn could take much more. Hell, he
wasn't sure he could.

He was having trouble believing he was finally in the same room with
her. She looked just the way he remembered her, beautiful, endearing,
and heartbreakingiy vulnerable-such a dangerous combination~

Drew wasn't sux~ what had happened between Carolyn and her mother and
her brother, but he'd seen right away that it had left her as torn up
as he'd ever seen her. She looked almost as upset as she'd been when
Annie disappeared.

He'd tried to comfort her then, to ease the guilt she carried, even as
he tried to ease his own. He'd held her so many nights when she sobbed
her heart out, and he warned todo that for her right now.

"Carolyn," he said, taking a first step toward her, wanting to erase
all the years between them with just one embrace.

She stepped back, alarm showing clearly on her face. "It's all right,"
he said, reaching for her hand, taking it in his and drawing her closer
with it. Gently, the way he might have approached a frightened kitten
that had been backed into a corner, he stroked his fingers over the
back of her hand.

"I..." She stared down at their intertwined hands, as if she couldn't
believe he was touching her, then looked into his eyes. "I messed it
all up, Drew."

He'd held her so many times, Drew told himself. How much could one
more time matter in the scheme of things? Carolyn was hurt and upset.
She needed someone, and he was here. How many others had he held on to
for a moment, just because they were upset and he was there? Countless
numbers. It didn't mean anything. At least, it didn't have to.

He'd done it so many times for strangers. Surely he could do it for
Carolyn, as well.

Drew wrapped both his hands around the one of hers that he'd managed to
get hold of before she turned all skittish and shy on him. Her hand
was soft and small, cd to the touch, and there was a fine trembling
within her that went all the way down to her fingertips.

What in the world had happened to her? She seemed as vulnerable as
ever, and he couldn't stand that idea. He'd believed her whole life
would have come together after he left--that the healing would have
started, that she'd be whole and happy by now.

He'd thought all he had to do was leave . "I'm sorry," she said,
choking back the distress that threatened to overtake her, trying to
pull her hand away from his. "I just ... I can't believe what a mess
I've made of all this."

But Drew wasn't ready to let go of her, not just yet. It had been too
long since they'd been together for him to' give her up so fast. He
took another step closer. One hand continued to hold hers, while the
other slid along her forearm to her elbow. He cupped it in his
hands.

Her eyes, huge and roktnded now, fringed with smoky brown lashes spiked
together by her tears, locked on his.

Clearly, she'd been so distressed before that she didn't realize how
close he'd gotten to her. The breath stuck in her throat, the fine
trembling that was coursing through her body not so fine anymore. He'd
been right; she might fall if she didn't sit down soon.

"Carolyn," he whispered, hating to break the silence, hating to end the
spell they were caught up in. "It's go' rag to be all right."

And he smiled at her then, because he wanted to reassure her, not
frighten her.

Why would she be so frightened of him, anyway? He didn't have time to
stop and figure it Out. He took the hand that he still held and
pressed it to his chest. She swallowed hard and made one last attempt
to step away from him.

Clearly, she wasn't used to having anyone see her this way. He'd have
bet money that she didn'. t have anyone to hold her when she cried,
either, and he couldn't have said whether that made him happy or sad.

He would make her sad, though. The reason he'd come back to town--the
matching clothes, the other little girl who'd disappeared, yet been
found safe and sound--it would take her back in time, to the worst days
of her life. He was going to hurt her, and he didn't want to. But his
job meant he would. It was a commitment he'd made when he was put on
Sara Parker's ease. It wasn't enough just to have the child back. He
l~ad to find the man who'd taken her, and when he did that he might
finally figure out what had happened to poor little Annie McKay.

All of that was going to be hard as hell on Carolyn, and if he could
help her now, if he could hold her and make her feel a little bit
better about whatever combination of things was tearing her up inside,
he'd do it. He owed-her that much.

And besides, he wanted to hold her so bad, he'd have cut off his right
arm for the privilege.

Ten years gone by, thousands of miles--and despite it all, he just
wanted to hold her so much. It was staggering how much he wanted that
simple connection with her one more time.

"C'mere, sweetheart." He folded her into his arms, easing her toward
him, inch by torturous inch, until the wonderful, familiar weight of
her body settled against his.

She resisted right up until the end. Her back was ram-rod-straight,
her head was held high and proud, and the look in her eyes was telling
him that he'd caught her by surprise and frightened her at the same
time.

"What are you so afraid of?" he asked.

She opened her mouth, then paused, asif she 'didn't know what to say.
Finally she just shook her head as her eyes flooded with tears once
again.

"Carolyn?" He was intrigued now.

"You're not... mad at me?" she said.

"Mad? Why would I be mad?" He couldn't imagine. And then, with a
little gasp, she just melted against him. All the fight went out of
her, and she turned boneless in his arms. He guided her head down to
his chest and held-it there with his hand in her soft hair, his chin
resting on the top of her head. Her breasts were pressed against his
chest, her arms were anchored around his waist and holding on for dear
life.

He remembered now how this had felt. He remembered everything about
holding her and trying to comfort her the best he knew how. He
remembered the way she'd had of making him feel like a man, the way
she'd clung to him as if he were the only solid thing in her world.

"Let it go, sweetheart. Let it all out," he said, and she finally
started to cry.

For Carolyn, being in Drew's arms was like coming home. Of course, she
couldn't know if the similarity was exactly true, because she didn't
have a home. She had a

house. An apartment, really, one that might as well be

~npty, for all the care and effort she'd put into trying to make it a
home. She had a f~v friends she seldom saw, lots of business
associates who were dear to her, yet carefully kept at a distance when
it came to her private life.

She had a mother she hadn't seen in months--all cause of some
destructive mixture of guilt and anger over things Carolyn could not
change. She had a son who didn't know she was his mother and probably
never would kn~w,

a father she wanted to believe was in heaven now and felt no pain, no
emptiness, no sense of loss. And she had a sister who might as well
have van isle into thin air.

That was it--the sum total of her personal life.

She didn't r~m~mber the last time she'd given in to the luxury of
letting go like this and crying her eyes out. And she couldn't
remember the last time anyone had been around to witness it, much less
wrap her up in his big,

strong arms and hold her the way Drew was.

He wasn't even mad at her, and that was an absolute impossibility.
She'd known he would be furious, and justly so, she thought. But he
wasn't. He was tender and kind,

warm and strong, incredibly handsome and so achingly familiar.

This couldn't be real. She knew that, even as she clung to him, much
too long after her tears had stopped falling.

He said he'd missed her. Imagine that. He'd 'told her everything
would be all right, and she loved him just for saying it, even if there
was no way it could be true. But she'd needed so much to hear it, and
he must have known that. Somehow, he'd always known what she needed.

Oh, Drew. " she said, then felt the touch of his hand in her hair turn
into a caress instead. He threaded his fingers through the strands,
then brought a handful up to his nose and drew in the smell of them,
then kissed them softly.

She couldn't do anything but shiver at the incredibly intimate
gesture.

"I've missed you so much," he said, and it was so sweet to hear it,
despite the obvious questions his admission automatically brought to
mind.

Why had he left?

Why had he stayed away?

In this instant, she didn't care. She was just so happy to have him
back. Even if it didn't last, even once the past interfered, she would
savor this precious moment with him.

He was so warm and so solid, the feel of him so familiar, it
overwhelmed her and it made her so hopeful,

Maybe the world wasn't falling apart. Maybe he would stay. Maybe
she'd find a way to trust someone again, to believe that not everyone
would either walk out on her or be snatched away. Maybe they could
find a way to be together-her and Drew and Billy.

Oh, God. Billy.

He was so upset and worried. She had to find him. She had to
explain.

Abruptly she pushed him away, then backed away herself. The three
steps she took-seemed like a mile, but she managed to take them, then
hold her hands up in front of her to keep him from closing the distance
again.

"Wait a minute .... " Drew protested.

"Billy," she reminded him. "I have to find Billy."

"In a minute," he said. "I want to know about you. Are you all
right?"

"Yes." She actually managed to sound halfway convincing. "I am
now."

Carolyn's face flooded with heat at all that confession implied. Now
that he'd held her so tenderly in his arms and she'd bawled her eyes
out, she was all right.

But she had to get back 'on solid ground. She wasn't seventeen years
old anymore, and Drew wasn't her savior.

She was on her own now. She'd made this mess. She'd have to try to
sort it out as best she could.

"Are you sure?" he asked, and it was only then that she realized she
was swaying on her feet.

She supposed that was better than leaning over her desk or against the
wall, shaking like a leaf, but it still left a lot to be desired.

"I'll be fine," she said. "I'm not usually like this, really. I'm
usually "

Cool, calm, quiet.

Unemotional?

She liked that word. She'd strive to attain that state of mind. It
didn't sound nearly so bad as the truth--that she'd simply shriveled up
inside herself, to the point that nothing and no one mattered to her
that much.

She was utterly and absolutely alone in this world, by her own
choice.

It was safer that way.

It was manageable.

It was difficult and lonely as hell, but that was her life, her right,
her choice.

At least it had been until now. Now Drew Delaney was back. He'd held
her in his arms, stroked her hair, caught it to his lips and kissed it
tenderly--and she wanted him'. It was next to impossible, but she
wanted him.

"Oh, Drew." She sighed again. It was impossible. Then she ducked her
head, sidestepped her way around him and said, "I have to go find
Billy
."

 
 

 

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